Monday, August 31, 2015

Rubber Duck Chorus Is Your Savior And Nightmare

This is the sound of dozens of rubber ducks singing your their triumphant chorus, that will also haunt your dreams for all of time:




Or perhaps it is their lament to be laying one atop each other in some forgotten corner of a general store.  Confined to wallow in their steel cage until some hapless shopper takes them away from their mental and physical prison!

Dare you set them free and forgive their multitude of sins? I don’t think you want to accept that bargain, friend.

Sidenote: It was a very smooth move to hit them all and then beat feet.  Far and away (besides the terrible howling) my favorite part of the video.  Watch this thing over and over, it just gets better. I don't know if you'll get the same result, but I pretty much worked myself up to tears from laughing at this stupid thing.

This has been your semi-annual Rubber Duck Nightmare Minute.  You are welcome.

Obama To Tour Alaska With Noted Piss Enthusiast (Bear Grylls)

NBC announced today that President Obama (the coolest president we will ever have), who travels to Alaska this week to call for action to combat climate change, will hike through the Alaskan wilderness with noted piss enthusiast Bear Grylls for an upcoming episode of Running Wild. President Obama recently sat down for an interview with Mic; Bear Grylls recently ate a mouse cooked in Michelle Rodriguez’s urine. Just two facts.

Not saying he does, but if he did have a piss fetish that would cast a whole new light on this "survival" show.

According to Variety, the episode will “call attention to the effects of climate change on that area” while Obama receives “a crash course in survival techniques.”
In previous appearances on television, Bear Grylls has consumed: camel shit water; elephant shit water; larva beetle; Michelle Rodriguez piss mouse; moose heart; a lot of his own urine; snake; yak eyeball.  He even ate a Payday.  Nobody likes Paydays.

Earlier this month, the Obama administration issued a permit that allowed: Shell to begin drilling for oil and gas in the Chukchi Sea off Alaska’s northwest coast.  He also wants to rename a mountain.
Just two facts again.

Sunday, August 30, 2015

Wiener Dog Escapes Race And Runs Forever

This is pure exhilaration. This is pure life. This, if Taylor Swift were writing about it, would just have the words “squad goals” written over and over again with a few emoji and hashtags thrown in. This dog is living your best life and you didn’t even know it.




According to USA Today, this adorable puppy took flight during an event in which the El Paso Chihuahuas staged a race to find out once and for all who was “the fastest wiener in El Paso.” (Insert your best premature ejaculation joke here.)

He won't be contained by organized sport.  He will not be a laughing stock.  He just needs to live.

I don’t know if this dog was the winner, but there’s no way some other damn wiener was going to win that prize, right? He may have broken the rules, but he’s living his life the damn right way.

FUNDAY: Turn Up To Save Lives

Story time.  This weekend I was tasked with delivering my brother to an upcoming internship.  This meant a roadtrip, of five hours to the middle of nowhere.  We got there fine and he was delivered.  Now, on the way home, that is when things turned south.

I got lost.  Middle of nowhere, no phone service, running low on gas lost.  The realest of lost.  It was what I would describe as gnarly.  Very much so.

Eventually I pulled over and found my way back to civilization, only to be hit with the inevitable "driving for 10 hours in one day" kind of tiredness that you get in such a situation.

So I had two choices.  Either pull off to the side of the road and take a nap, possibly to be interrupted by the cops.  Or power through.  I chose what pretty much everyone does for better or for worse, the latter.

Things were getting tough, and I for the first time in my driving life, thought I just might actually have to really pull over for a nap or risk something terrible happening.

So in desperation, I began perusing the satellite radio, trying desperately to find in the roughly 200+ stations, something that would keep me alert, keep me safe.  Somehow, in between sucking down caffeine with no abandon, and furiously hitting the skip button, I landed on LA's pop channel, which inexplicably had it's own satellite station.

Then it happened. Like an angel's call descending from the heavens, came a tune on the radio. This tune:





I was instantly what the youngin's these days like to call "turnt," or "lit" if you will.  This followed some rather furious car dancing and roof punching enjoyment for the duration.  In the process of which I woke up considerably, and was then easily able to make it back on home.

So what I am saying is, thank you The Weeknd.  You really helped a brother out.  And yes Los Angeles' Kiss 102.7, you really are the number one Pop station in the world.


TURNT

Selena Gomez f/ASAP Rocky

Did not expect this one.  A Selena Gomez song that I not only like, but am not ashamed at all to turn the fuck up and jam to in public.  Part of this is admittedly Rocky, who can pretty much do no wrong.  But yeah, it is 2015, and here we are, and I very much enjoy a Selena Gomez song.  Does that say more about me, or her music?  Think about this.  I will be.






Justin Bieber

Did not plan for a JB/Selena Gomez pairing this week.  I am not that smart.  Anyway, Bieber is back with his first solo song in three years, and his continuing evolution from young punk to crossover adult star ala JT is going well.  Don't let me be the one to tell you people still want to hear his music, let the iTunes fastest number one song record he just made with this release speak for it.  Just proves that as long as you make quality music, people will learn to forgive and forget.  And they should.






Lana Del Rey

I know. I know.  Look, I get it. This woman is one of the most polarizing figures in modern popular music, and with good reason. Most of the time I feel a major disdain for her persona. But I beseech you.  If you could, just for a little while, say...a handful of minutes, look past all the bullshit, sometimes you can find stuff like this.  






The Neighbourhood 

Has The Neighbourhood been listening to a bunch of Miguel?  Sure sounds like it.






Young Thug f/Gucci Mane

Big Guwop La Flarre has been in jail now for over a year.  So how does he still keep dropping music?  And furthermore, how does his now year old shit still fit perfectly with the cocaine-slow blurry sound of today's weird ATL kings like Thugger?  It is a wonderful mystery, and I love it.






The Weeknd

How can I not give love to the man who probably saved my life when he has a new music video.  Especially when that video turns the year's biggest pop album into a Bret-Easton Ellis fever dream.  Awesome stuff.






BONUS CLIP






We wil pop back in next week with more polarizing popstars.  See you then!


Saturday, August 29, 2015

Metal Gear Wedding Is The Best Wedding

If you are looking for a special theme for your wedding, how about Metal Gear Solid cardboard boxes like in this PlayStation ad?

Looks like love can bloom on the battlefield.

In this spot for The Phantom Pain, the bride thanks her father and Metal Gear Solid for the various things she’s learned over the past 28 years, such has never giving up no matter the circumstances, having a fun sense of humor, and being kind.

“But,” the bride says, “there’s one thing I haven’t yet learned: Metal Gear Solid’s greatest mystery.”

Her father then pops out of the box, hands her a PlayStation 4 controller, and tells her to solve that mystery with her husband. At the end, the waiter goes, “The heck is this?”

As for the best part:

Whoever came up with this ad is a genius.


Thanks Kojima.

Check it out:




Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain comes out September 1.

Friday, August 28, 2015

Now The Earth Is Just Swallowing People

And it came to pass, as he had made an end of speaking through all these blogs, that the ground clave asunder that was under them, the Associated Press reports. And the earth opened her mouth, and swallowed them up, and their bus stop, and all the men (and women) that were waiting at the bus stop in the northeastern Chinese city of Harbin, and all their goods, including a bus sign.

They, and all that appertained to them, went alive down into the pit, and the earth did not, in this case, close upon them, nor did they perish from the congregation, but rather, four of the people sustained minor injuries to their feet, legs, arms, and shoulders, but were mostly okay, the whole thing having been captured on video by a nearby noodle shop’s surveillance camera, according to local station Heilongjiang Television.




Great.  Now I have another reason to never leave my house.  Thanks Chinese ground.

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Michael Fassbender Is Really Starring In A Video Game Movie

Michael Fassbender, yes that Michael Fassbender, is going to be in a video game movie based on the Assassin's Creed franchise.  Speculation that this movie is or is not real has been bubbling for years now, but today it is official.  We have a picture folks:

Stab someone already.

While he does look good in the usual hooded assassin getup.(which might just be because he is so handsome), this was before and still is a strange movie that is being made.  Will it follow the absolutely batshit time traveling spacemen memory reliving ancestor story line of the games?  Or will it finally realize just how stupid that shit is and make a simple plot about a cool assassin?

Time will tell, but one thing is certain, Fassbender now joins the ranks of Jake Gyllenhaal, as an A-List actor who for some reason is doing a video game movie. Perhaps it will be good?

Probably not.

There Is A Transformers Thing Worth Loving Coming Soon

I used to really like Transformers. Back around 1991, when I was 6, they were up there with GI Joe as one of the top tier toy franchises/television show made to sell toy franchises. Transformers were cool, then Michael Bay happened.

Now, for a while I have not been able to tell anyone I used to like Transformers. One, because I don't want to have to explain that with the exception of The Rock and Con Air (A pair of fine Nicolas Cage action vehicle classics) Michael Bay can eat a bag of fire ants.  That I only liked the classic 80's show and original toys.  And two, there hasn't been a great Transformers property in years...until perhaps now...



Transformers:Devastation is an upcoming video game from Platinum Games, AKA probably the company you would want making an action game about giant robots who turn into cars on a whim and who also fight robots who turn into jets because they all want to live on a square machinery planet.

As you have seen in the trailer, it looks exactly like the cartoon, it has car to giant robot seamless action, and did I mention it looks awesome?!

Oh my 1991 eyes, if only you could have seen this...if only.

Transformers:Devastation is out October 6th.  Assemble!

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Isolated Cyclist Surrounded By Kangaroos

Uh-oh, is there a doctor in the house? Because I think I’m having a cute-mergency!

In light of recent news today, we all need some cheering up.  So why you shouldn't forget about what happened, let's have a cleansing moment here with some of these dudes:


This is both really cool and really creepy.


This week, an Australian man’s bike ride ended in utter cute-astrophe when he stumbled upon a cuddly conclave of kangaroos, each unearthly beast silently returning his gaze with a pair of abysmal, ever-watchful eyes.




No word on if they then proceeded to punch the man to death.  Although, that would have been a good way to go.

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

This Cat Is Possessed

Most (small) cats are averse to having a bath (not big ones though, tigers be chillin' in water all day) that you need to give them.  They whine, they try to run even covered with soap, and generally they look at you with a large amount of disdain and disbelief.

However, no cat hates water so much that they become possessed by a water demon when the faucet gets turned on.  Possessed so much that they gain the power of human speech. No cat, except for this one:



Cat videos, always good for a slow news day.

Somebody invent a machine that dry cleans cats.  Then we all will be living better for it.

Dad Loses It Inside Son's VR Headset

“I’ll never get to do this but here,” remarked an awe-struck father, as tears rolled down his face.
Almost everyone who has gotten the opportunity to see what the potential of VR really is has gushed about how incredible it really is, but the problem remains: How do you sell this thing to people who haven't experience it?

Well, this is a good start.

YouTuber user Hoopermation filmed his dad while playing through the Apollo 11 VR demo for Oculus Rift. It only took a few moments before it was clear it was having a profound effect.



Father: It’s unbelievable. It’s so unbelievable, buddy.

Son: Are you okay?

Father: Yeah.

Son: Are you crying?

Father: Yeah. I’ll never get to do this but here. This is incredible. I’ve wanted to do this since I was a kid. I wanted to be an astronaut, son. [pause] Look at that. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. [sniffling]




What a cool video, right?

One of virtual reality’s great promises is the ability to transport us to places we’ll never get to visit. For the vast majority of us, space is one of ‘em, and in this case, a literal dream come true.

Monday, August 24, 2015

Giant Red Ball Rolling Around Toledo

It was not actually a killer tomato, but there was a giant red ball doing it's thing around the streets of downtown Toledo.  Presumably the most exciting thing that has happened lately in downtown Toledo.

For once, something so funny isn't photoshopped.

Where did it come from? Where is it going? Nobody can say. (Actually, it’s art! Haha.)

On Wednesday evening, part of a Toledo Museum of Art exhibit, “the RedBall Project,” was knocked loose in a thunderstorm and rolled away.

“It started pouring rain, so the ball was wet and slippery,” the museum’s director of communications, Kelly Garrow, told ABC News.
“The wind picked up, and it popped up and just started going. You can see in the video that’s going viral that it rolled about halfway down a block and then mysteriously took a left-hand turn. It made its way partially down the street before people caught up with it.”
The magnetic, playful and charismatic nature of RedBall allows the work to access the imagination embedded in all of us,” the artist, Kurt Perschke, said in a press release announcing the work’s installation in Toledo.
“On the surface, the experience seems to be about the ball itself as an object, but the true power of the project is what it can create for those who experience it. It opens a doorway to the imagination.”




The ball—like a child’s sense of infinite possibility—was quickly caught and deflated.

Super Chill Grizzly Excels At Rolling

While some animals naturally excel at rolling, many others do not. This chill grizzly bear, however, is very good at rolling.

Chillin'

Some (such as this blogger, for instance) might even say he is bear-y good at it.




Go to Denali National Park, you'll get a show with your nature.

I am sorry for the puns.

Sunday, August 23, 2015

FUNDAY: Drinks On Us

Short on time this week, so let's just get into it.

Promise next time there will be a proper intro, or drinks are on us...

TUBULAR

Mike Will Made It f/Swae Lee & Future

The producer with the stupidest name in music is once again proving that while he cannot choose a good pseudonym, he can make some bangers.  This time he recruits a resurgent Future, and his own artist, 1/2 of Rae Sremmund, to make us a club and/or strip club anthem.





Riff Raff and Flux Pavilion

It has been entirely too long without a Riff Raff music video that has copious amounts of neon in it.  After all, he didn't self-title his person with the name Neon Icon for no reason. Thankfully, the Butterscotch Boss is back to bless us with another fun summer romp, courtesy of Flux Pavilion.






How To Dress Well

They did it.  They finally made a 90's style R&B music video to go with their 90's style R&B sound.  Why did it take so long?






Father f/iLoveMakonnen, Archibald Slim, & Ethereal

Atlanta's most sardonic rapper with the absolute best name in rap is back, and this time he brought some friends.  Weird Atlanta continues to be the best Atlanta in rap music right now.






Riff Raff & Danny Brown

It is a literal Riff Raff bounty this week.  We are all better for it.  Even when he is making a video for a song that came out last year, he still knows how to do things correctly.  Like putting Danny Brown in it, and on the song straight out of nowhere.  






BONUS CLIP






See you all next week.

Friday, August 21, 2015

Even If You Hate Madden You Should Watch This Madden Trailer

Madden.  The perennial football video game that you either love or hate is due out in mere days from now.  And like every August, EA is ramping up their marketing even though they still only possess the singular football franchise in virtual form (a move that I will never forgive them for after they destroyed my beloved 2K (superior) Sega series). So that means only one thing: It's time for some batshit Madden commercials.

I don't think this has much to do with football, but I approve.


You might have wondered, after last year’s incredible Madden Season commercial, how EA Sports would top themselves. Wonder no more.

For Madden NFL 16, which comes out on Tuesday, EA got a bunch of actors and football stars—miss you Rex—to participate in what might be the most preposterous commercial ever made, complete with dinosaurs, tragic deaths, and 20 seconds of Julio Jones slapping someone. Something, to be clear, that Julio Jones should do more often, because it is hilarious.

Check it out:




Yes. Again, not a ton of actual football related things here, but it is clearly for the best.  I mean there are only so many times that you can wheel out the developers for them to talk about how shiny they made Sam Bradford's helmet this year...


Mother Nature Says Fuck Delta

On Tuesday, our Earth Mother once again demonstrated her passionate opinions about #brands, smiting a Delta 737 as it waited for takeoff at Atlanta’s Hartsfield-Jackson Airport.

Get fucked plane!

Speaking to CNN, Delta spokesperson Morgan Durrant confirmed that the plane suffered the wrath of Mother Nature's ass-kicking, but said no one on board was injured by the fiery manifestation of electric storm rage.

In video if you please:




“Aircraft design allows lightning bolts to be safely redirected,” Durrant told the news network.

Even the most sophisticated airline, however, will never escape the clouds no matter how high you fly.

In other news, lightning is still hella cool.

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Godzilla Appears Again In Japan

Godzilla is back in Japan, but don't worry. 

This month, a large Godzilla sculpture appeared in Tokyo. It’s made of sand. Hope it doesn’t rain!

This sand Godzilla sculpture popped up in Shinjuku Central Park. Earlier this year, another Godzilla appeared in Shinjuku, towering over the streets below. That statue is part of new Godzilla-themed hotel rooms





Last year, another giant Godzilla went up in Tokyo to promote the Hollywood film. That statue, however, was temporary, like this newest sculpture is. It was not made of sand, though.

Slow news day...

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Australian Terrorized By Koala Who Needs A Hug

This past Friday, one brave Australian woman had the shock of her life, when she narrowly escaped the nation's most deadly beast.  An animal so relentless, and unstoppable, it sends shudders through one's spine just imagining what she went through.

The HORROR!

“The koala bloody chased me tonight!” wrote 31-year-old Ebony Churchill on Facebook, adding, “Shit me self.”
Churchill says she was herding cows by ATV when she first spotted the scare bear, which she assumed was climbing a tree. From The Adelaide Advertiser:
“He was close but then he started running towards me and I thought I better speed up (on the quad bike),” she said. 
“But the more I sped up, the faster he got. 
“I thought if I got further down the track, he would lose interest. I got to the end of the cows and couldn’t go any further so that’s when I bailed off the bike.”

Check out the video below, and we must warn you, the images could be disturbing (if you are for some reason afraid of koalas):



Genuinely surprised that she didn't use the "c-word" one time.  After all, this is an Aussie we are talking about.  They use that word as much as you or I would say "hello" or "thank you."

Explaining her animated commentary during the pursuit, Churchill told News.com.au “they’ve got really sharp claws.”  Thank god she escaped with her life. Next time this happens, should she be so unlucky, she should be prepared.  Fill her pockets with eucalyptus leaves, so that it can buy her some time whilst the beast is eating, to escape.

Awesome Canadians Make Their Kitchen A Simpsons Masterpiece

A Canadian couple is remodeling their kitchen to look like the one featured on The Simpsons.

CBC News reports that Marcia Andreychuk and Joel Hamilton, from Calgary, wanted to "retro-vate" their kitchen. Being Simpsons superfans, they decided to model it after the kitchen seen on the show--and it didn't hurt that the rough layout of their existing kitchen already matched up.

"All the elements seemed like it would work to convert it into The Simpsons kitchen," Andreychuk said. "Who wouldn't want corncob curtains?"

The couple didn't break the bank on their renovation, as Andreychuk says she spent only $20 for the blue countertop. To give the stovetop its iconic look, she used green contact paper. As for the curtains, Andreychuk found the corncob-patterned fabric online and then sewed the curtains herself. Which, to be fair, seems like something Marge would do for sure.

Overall, since the kitchen already mostly resembled the layout of the one on The Simpsons, the renovation job is more about changing the colors of things than anything else. For a closer look, watch the video below.




You'd have to be a dedicated Simpsons fan to do this kind of thing, and that's exactly what Andreychuk and Hamilton are. For his part, Hamilton claims he re-watches every episode of the show released so far every year. He also finds the show to be therapeutic.

"The Simpsons for me is actually a baby blanket," Hamilton said. "If I'm not feeling very well, if I'm depressed, if I have a bad day--I come home and pop The Simpsons on and I'm 10 years old [again] and everything is alright."

Amen.  When you are wrapped in the arms of Homer, what can go wrong? 

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

John Oliver Spoofs Predatory Televangelists By Creating His Own Church

Televangelists didn’t disappear in the ‘80s—there are actually more of them than ever. They ask for private planes and piles of money from people who can’t actually afford it in exchange for vague and ephemeral promises of future prosperity and health. Fuck ‘em, says John Oliver.

According to televangelists, donations are “seeds” that God will let you harvest many times over—if you just use your faith to put $1,000 on a credit card and believe real hard, God will wipe out your debt.

Or worse: the more “seed money” you give, Oliver notes, the better your chances of being healed from cancer. Don’t go to a hospital—they’ll just give you poison. There have been cases of believers actually dying after sending thousands to televangelists instead of spending that money on medical treatment.

Oh, and all those thousands of dollars from people who don’t actually have thousands they can afford to donate? Completely legal and tax-free to the televangelists, who are registered as churches or religious nonprofit.

End result: Kenneth and Gloria Copeland, who make a living ripping off cancer victims and other people in need, have a plane and live in a $6 million (tax-free) mansion. God must reallylove them, ‘cause he’s blessed them with a whole lot of other people’s money. Only three of America’s 350,000 churches have been audited by the IRS over the past couple of years, and “church” is so loosely defined that anyone can become one.

So John Oliver did. Say hello to your newest bullshit TV church, Our Lady of Perpetual Exemption. It meets every week in the Last Week Tonight studio in New York so its members can engage in their chosen form of worship: silently meditating on the nature of fraudulent churches.




This is legal.

Monday, August 17, 2015

How Much of George Miller's Original Vision Was In Fury Road?

16 years.  That's how long it took George Miller to finally get his latest masterpiece, this year's incredible Mad Max: Fury Road, onto the movie screen you hopefully (if you have any sense at all) saw it on multiple times already.  This movie was in development so long that the original lead had time to destroy his own career in the public eye.  It was in development so long that some people thought Miller had gotten to old to even direct movies anymore.

The term "development hell" seemingly was defined by the infamous inability to make this sequel, until of course it finally, miraculously, was produced.  Only to become one of the most incredible action films of all time.

However, the question is, in a landscape of film production where normal timelines of filming movies can see their product go through massive changes, how much of George Miller's vision for Fury Road actually was able to make it through this 16 year slog?

The answer appears to be “A lot.” The storm, the design of the cars, the chastity belts, the water distributing skull ... so much made it from this 1999 electro-board print-out, shared by film editor Will McCrabb on Twitter

Yep, Miller set off all those years ago to create the madcap, feminist, breathtaking thrillride pretty much just like you saw on the screen, and he succeeded.  Even when his original star aged (and revealed his racism) right on out of the role.  Amazing stuff.

Now it would be really cool if Tom Hardy's name was somehow in here somewhere.

Not just the look of things, even the sequences described in this storyboard are pretty much exactly as we saw this summer. Especially take note of what happens to Immortan Joe’s body in the very last sketch here. Although the Gynotopian Warriors were re-named, which to be honest is kind of a bummer.

If you need me, I'll be watching this movie again for the third time.

Strange Cat Wants In Homeowner's Tiny Door

[Weird cat voice] “Hey, guy, what’s good?”

"Hey, just a plain old cat here.  Can I come in?"


Last week, an Idaho man snapped a photo of this oddly-ursine kitty when it dropped by his rural mountain home to say hello.

“It came to the cat door Thursday night, trying again and again to get through, which is when I took the photo,” Schweitzer Mountain-resident Douglas Harder wrote on Facebook.

Harder says this isn’t the first time the strange, but definitely not cat-sized creature has visited the house, having broken in previously to poop, claw stuff and have some snacks. From CNN:

The [not-cat] entered through the sliding door on Harder’s second-floor deck and ransacked his condo.

It took two hours to clean up the mess, but Harder is relieved that he wasn’t home—not that time, at least.

And what does a weird cat eat, you ask? A cat so large that it might need more than one of those small cans of Fancy Feast?

“He likes flour, brownie mix, Toblerone and went all the way to the back bedroom for a can of Pepsi!!!” writes Harder.

Don't let any large cats into your house, especially if they are actually bears.

Sunday, August 16, 2015

FUNDAY: Presented Without Comment

I LOVE WHEN A PLAN COMES TOGETHER.




Excellent.


SWAG

Diplo f/Riff Raff, CL & OG Maco

What do you get when you combine a popular DJ/producer, the world's most ridiculous rapper, a cool dude from Atlanta, and a member of a popular K-pop group?  You get something that is named after my favorite soft drink, and is a great way to start off this week.






Lana Del Rey 

LDR has built her entire career on the idea of iconic images, and I can’t imagine she’ll ever come up with one as memorable as those final moments with the grenade launcher. Lana Del Rey turned into a sleepwalking El Mariachi on a boat. This week is too much.






Majical Cloudz

I really hate the "j" in "Majical" here.  The "z" is fine, rappers have been making that cool and fun for years.  But it is just something about that intentional misspelling that irks me to no end.  Anyway, this song makes me think of Morrissey, well the good parts of Morrissey like his music, so it's pretty rad.






Health

When a video makes me want to barf, that is usually a negative aspect.  This one somehow turns it into a virtue though.






A$AP Rocky f/Joe Fox & Kanye West

Go buy Rocky's album.  Just go do it already.






BONUS CLIP





Japanese X-Men.  Think about it.

See you next week!

Friday, August 14, 2015

This Cat Is Still Alive And It Is News

This week, Guinness World Records has confirmed that Corduroy is the Oldest cat living after he recently turned 26 years old - an impressive age considering domesticated cats have an average lifespan of 15 years.

"Sup."


The record-breaking feline previously held the record back in 2014, but lost out when the owners of Tiffany Two submitted a claim for the title. With Tiffany Two sadly recently passing away at the amazing age of 27 years, 2 months and 20 days, the record is now back in the hands of Corduroy.

Born on August 1 1989, Corduroy and his owner Ashley Reed Okura (USA) have been companions since he was a tiny kitten and she was just seven years old.

On learning about her beloved pet’s achievement, Ashley said, “We are thrilled! I bought Corduroy a mouse to celebrate … it is wonderful to share him with the world.”

Nevertheless, Corduroy is still a few years off the Oldest cat ever, Crème Puff, who was born in 1967 and lived until 2005 – an incredible 38 years and 3 days (more than double the average life expectancy of the species).

Keep rockin' Corduroy.  That all time record is in sight.  I would tell you to take it easy, but you already probably have mastered that.

Congratulations you four-legged old sumbitch. 

L.A. Bank Robber Pretty Good At Robbing Banks

Authorities say they are searching for a man who attempted to rob three banks over the course of an hour in the Los Angeles neighborhood of Los Feliz on Thursday, KNBC reports.

To be fair, you are gonna need a lot of money if you do something like this three times.

According to an LAPD spokesperson, the thief began his crime spree by entering a Chase Bank branch at around 1:10 p.m. and handing the teller a “threatening note.”

He then left without money, changed his shirt and tried to rob a Bank of America about 30 minutes later, also unsuccessfully, police said.

Finally, at around 2 p.m., the suspect entered a Citibank, where he was allegedly able to get money before fleeing.

KABC reports that at all the banks, which are located less than a mile from each other, the seemingly unarmed man approached a teller alone with a note demanding money.

If you are gonna do it, why not go all the way?  Right?

Thursday, August 13, 2015

It's Left Handers Day And I Feel The Need To Celebrate

Nowadays on the Internet, it seems every single day is some holiday or another.  Whether it is National Talk Like A Pirate Day, or Donut Appreciation, I try to stay wide of all that hullabaloo.  However, today is one superfluous holiday that I must celebrate.  For today is Left Handers Day, and as a member of that tribe I must stand up, raise my ink covered palm to the sky (inside left handed joke) and demand more accommodating spiral notebooks!

Just kidding, they are fine, we will deal with it like we always do.  Like we have with the right handed desk combos that deserve to burn in desk Hell for eternity. Like we do when we keep apologizing for bumping elbows with anyone we decide to sit next to at dinner.

We will continue to secretly be proud of our weird quirk, while we dream of a world where all the 3-ring binders open to the right.  Where we each have a special glove to wear for anytime we need to write something down. And we will celebrate today, because dammit, it's stupid, but it's fun!

My actual paradise.

Today we celebrate all those who for some reason have to do things the hard way.  People like Hall of Famer Randy Johnson, Barack Obama, Paul McCartney, Kurt Cobain, and of course, the perennial southpaw Rocky Balboa.  You know your character is tortured when you purposely make his fictional biography left handed.

Yes, among these great people are the struggles of painfully fucking around with those spiral notebooks, smudging every single thing we write with sharpie, living with a higher risk of drug abuse and insomnia, and then dying 9 years earlier than everybody else.

Hey, but it isn't so bad though.  We get to be unique!  Left handedness in sports is highly praised.  From pitchers to batters in baseball who confuse the dominant right handers, to boxers who come out of nowhere with that powerful left uppercut you didn't expect.

Left handers are also known for being creative, and many world leaders are prone to using those other unappreciated digits. Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, Benjamin Franklin, and Charles Darwin...all lefties.  Bill Clinton, George Bush, Gerald Ford, and even Queen Elizabeth II all reach for the other pair of scissors as well.

Furthermore lefties possess what I deem to be the most important advantage over their right handed overlords. We can eat more efficiently than anyone else on the planet.  No putting down the fork and switching hands nonsense!  We just cut and eat.  The fork is already in the right (which is the left) hand!

Yeah, there are perks to this whole dying early thing.

So today if you happen to see Paul McCartney, or some other bastard throwing a ball in what you deem to be a weird way, go give them a high five.  Just be prepared to use your weak hand...



Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Quentin Tarantino's Hateful Eight Gets It's First Trailer

Up until today we have only had sparse glimpses of the next feature film coming from everybody's favorite crazy auteur, Tarantino. A small teaser here, a poster there, but now we have a for real trailer for his 8th film a little over four months before it's Christmas premiere date.

Cool, but not really informative.

 The Hateful Eight is the second (in a row) western from the director, and if you saw any of his last effort Django, you'd rightfully be excited to enter that world again through his eyes.

Once again we are set for a star-studded affair, with some great actors who have previously done some of their best work in Tarantino films.

We know the bare bones of the story: John “The Hangman” Ruth (Kurt Russell) takes wanted murderer Daisy Domergue (Jennifer Jason Leigh) hostage, but is forced to take refuge in a stagecoach stopover with a few unsavory characters during a blizzard. There are glimpses of the rest of the eight throughout, from Major Marquis “The Bounty Hunter” Warren (Samuel L. Jackson) and Chris “The Sheriff” Mannix (Walton Goggins) to Joe “The Cow Puncher” Gage (Michael Madsen) and Oswaldo “The Little Man” Mobray (Tim Roth).

Compared to Django this looks to be a more traditional western fare, complete with period accurate facial hair.  However, don't get it twisted, one look at the trailer and you'll see that signature Tarantino style.

Check it out:




It's time for that excitement that only a Tarantino release can muster.  Christmas cannot come soon enough.

Drinking Michelle Rodriguez's Piss Is What Finally Broke Bear Grylls

Bear Grylls, best known for drinking his own piss, is a tough man to gross out. But on Monday night’s Running Wild, he finally found the thing that broke him: Fast and Furious actress Michelle Rodriguez’s piss. It’s apparently especially pungent and flavorful compared to Grylls’ own, which was a fun fact to learn over breakfast this morning.

Apparently drinking urine is like smelling your own farts.  It's okay when it's yours, but somebody else's?  No dice.

Rodriguez’s urine came into play as the stock for a stewed mouse whose guts Grylls had her rip out. It tasted like chicken.

Michelle Rodriguez, you did not need to put yourself into a rat-and-piss-stew situation. There is an alternative. You can exchange the money you made from all those Fasts and Furiouses for food at many businesses in and around Hollywood. Some of them will prepare the food for you, and many won’t ask for a urine sample first.




Bear Grylls, you are a famous adventurer. You knew better than to enter the Nevada desert without enough water, but you did it anyway. Now another’s piss is your reward.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Ronda Rousey Is The Most Badass Nerd Ever

UFC star Ronda Rousey held an “Ask Me Anything” crowd interview on Reddit today, and almost immediately, she discussed a ton of nerdy stuff.  Quickly getting down to business and letting everyone know why she is the Internet's favorite person right now.  So favorite that people are doing stuff like this:

Which to be clear, she would love, being a huge DBZ fan.

Here are some of her best answers.

From the onset, the AMA had a good start—here’s how Ronda introduces herself in the post.

My favorite Pokemon is Mew and I used to moderate a Pokemon forum. I’m an active player on WOW and a Mage named Randa on TaichiPanda – I’m on the 3rd Game Of Thrones book and will shank a bitch who tries to give shit away about the series cause you watched the show already.
Better yet, Ronda Rousey kept talking about Pokémon all throughout her AMA. Here’s what she said when asked if she would rather fight 100 Mewtwo-sized Mews or 1 Mew-sized Mewtwo:
1 Mew sized Mewtwo, ‘cuz everyone knows that even though Mewtwo has better stats than Mew, 100 Mews totally overcome that.
If she had to select a Pokémon to fight in the octagon, however, her choice would be a little different:
Throh - because he’s the Judo Pokémon and would challenge me the most :)
Rousey went on to talk about a few other things, too. When asked who her favorite male fighter was in the UFC, she chose Demetrious Johnson. The reason? He reminds her of DBZ.
I think he’s the most well-rounded and I feel like I’m watching one of the later episodes of Dragon Ball Z when you only see one second of action going on between them disappearing ‘cuz they’re going so damn fast. I wouldn’t be surprised if rocks start levitating around the ring because of all the energy emanating from it. Might Mouse vs. Dominick Cruz was one of my favorite (and most under-appreciated) fights ever.

Just go read the whole thing.  Then enjoy your dreams tonight where you and her sit on a beach together, trading Pokemon over a discussion of the best Mortal Kombat characters.

It will be wonderful. 

Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice (2)!

Following years of speculation, whispers in the wind, and Michael Keaton quotes, it seems that the sequel to Tim Burton's iconic late '80s comic fantasy Beetlejuice is finally happening. Winona Ryder, one of the stars of the cult classic, confirmed the news on Late Night with Seth Myers.

As she explained to Meyers, Burton had himself told an interviewer that he was to direct the film, meaning she felt safe to confirm it too. 

"It was very hush hush, top secret. And then he was doing some press for Big Eyes and he did an on-camera interview and he said, 'Oh yeah, we're doing it and Winona's going to be in it'. If he said it, I can..."



Rumors of a Beetlejuice sequel have circulated for a number of years. in 2014, the film's star, Michael Keaton, told MTV News that he would reprise his role as the crude, mischievous ghost of the title if Burton returned as well. "I always said that's the one thing I'd like to do again, if I ever did anything again," he said. "But it kind of required Tim to be involved some way or another."

Beetlejuice was Burton's second film, and was released in 1988. It was a critical and commercial hit at the time, and its success led to Burton directing the superhero blockbuster Batman the following year.

Looks like all that screaming of "Beetlejuice" I did into the mirror really worked.  Huh...

Monday, August 10, 2015

HBO's Next Show Is Reviving Some Cowboy Robots And It Looks Cool

HBO has released the first teaser trailer for Westworld, its upcoming sci-fi Western series starring Anthony Hopkins and Ed Harris. The trailer is quite creepy and alluring, giving us a first look at the re-imagining of the 1973 Michael Crichton movie. A movie that if you haven't seen, you should maybe go check out...it's awesome.  Also, it has Yul Brynner, as a cowboy robot, so it is even more awesome.

Hell yeah.

The original film focused on a theme park called Westworld, where tourists could visit to see reenactments of the old west, with real life cowboys who were actually life-like robots.  Of course nothing goes as planned when the robots go haywire and become deadly.

The new show takes this into account but will this time focus mainly on the robots instead of the park goers, which should make for an interesting new take.

"Have you ever questioned the nature of your reality?" reads a line from the show's description.

The show is being led by Jonathan Nolan, the creator ofPerson of Interest. He also co-wrote a number of movies with his brother, Christopher Nolan, including The Dark Knight Rises and Interstellar.

J. Nolan told Esquire writer Matt Patches last year that video games Red Dead Redemption and BioShock were two of his inspirations for Westworld.

HBO isn't giving away too many details at the moment, but describes Westworld as "a dark odyssey about the dawn of artificial consciousness and the future of sin."

Check it out for cowboys, robots, and of course cowboy robots.




The show, which debuts in 2016, also stars Evan Rachel Wood, James Marsden, and Jeffrey Wright.

Actual Wonderbra Deflects Stray Bullet From Woman's Chest

Looks like we need to take a big long look, and redefine the term "Wonderbra."

NBC News reports that an underwire bra may have saved a German woman from serious injury this week when it stopped a hunter’s ricocheting bullet.

A must for every woman's collection!


Authorities say the unnamed 41-year-old was taking a leisurely bike ride with her husband on Friday when they accidentally entered the site of an active boar hunt.  Not usually a place you want to be unless you are a hunter, or a stupid pig. 

From UPI:

During a break, the woman felt a sudden sharp pain in her chest, soon realizing the underwire from her bra deflected a bullet. 
The couple immediately alerted the alleged shooter of the accident after he was spotted at a neighboring farm. 
“Those in charge of the hunt broke it up straight away” area police spokesperson Andre Falke said.

According to NBC News, police believe the bullet first struck a young wild boar who may or may not have also been wearing a bra, (not really though) before rebounding off the animal and striking the woman.

The hunter is now being investigated on suspicion of negligent injury, The Local reports.

Somebody get this woman an endorsement deal!  Least you could do.

Sunday, August 9, 2015

FUNDAY: RIP To Sean P

Funday is for fun, but it is not above remembrance either.  This past week we lost a wonderful musician in the form of Sean P, a rapper, a father, and a larger than life person.

So while making it brief, let's celebrate the man, the wonderful music, and most of all the hilarity that would ensue almost any time he was filmed.  Like this:




RIP to M. Barz, RIP to Mic Tyson, and RIP to P.

Let's go.


MUSIC 

GD & TOP

I have honestly never seen anything like this pissing scene.  I am at once both disgusted and impressed.






Kendrick Lamar

After some incredibly serious affairs as far as visuals go, this time Kendrick just wants to be a bugged-out Mad Hatter.  That's cool with me, because he pretty much can do no wrong. 






Girl Band

If there was one theme for the tunes/visuals this week, it would have to be: Disturbing visuals.  This is through no curating of my own.  It just kinda happened that way, well, with the exception of Kendrick, nothing but joy there.






Autre Ne Veut 

Do yourself a favor, coming from someone who had to learn the hard way.  Enjoy this video and song, but make sure that you are completely alone and not at work when you do.  A little free advice to save you some very awkward moments.






Migos

Migos' enthusiasm and frequency by which they employ the phrase "pipe it up" in the song "Pipe It Up" is impressive. Perhaps this is the key to their massive success...





BONUS CLIP





See ya.


Friday, August 7, 2015

Bon Voyage Jon

For the second time this year (remember Letterman?) an era has ended.

After 16 years and 2,581 episodes, Jon Stewart has left the Daily Show, the half-hour that established the template for successful satirical news shows and made Stephen Colbert, Steve Carell, and John Oliver into household names.  He did so much in the way that he ran the helm of one of the most biting satirical shows of all time, with grace, humility, and much humor.

It was a star studded affair, filled with many of the stars that the Daily Show has created over the years, and was filled with laughs.  However, for many of us, the most perfect moment came in the middle of the send-off.

The first 25+ minutes of tonight’s final Daily Show with Jon Stewart featured the full gallery of correspondents during Stewart’s 16 years at the show’s helm, many of whom graduated from the program to become stars in their own right. But no star shone brighter than Stephen Colbert, whose celebration of Stewart’s virtues brought the departing host to tears, and was an epic (and apparently unscripted) tour de force of verbal prose.

Colbert at once simultaneously showed how incredible of a wit and talent he is, while brilliantly and flawlessly encapsulating both his own love and gratitude to Stewart, and expressing the sentiment of all of his loyal fans at home vicariously.

It's truly a lovely moment:





From the bottom of all our hearts, from the talented comedians to the everyday man and woman: Thanks Jon.

#JonVoyage

Thursday, August 6, 2015

NASA Found An Alien Crab And They Don't Want You To Know

It's happened sheeple!  The discovery of a lifetime is right under your eyes and you missed it because of another devious government conspiracy.

They are among us.


That's right. NASA has discovered alien life, and they don't want you to know about it. Then, like the idiots they surely are, they accidentally—get this—THEN they accidentally posted a picture of it online. And then some people spotted it and called a rock a rock crab a crab. Hey everybody! Look! It’s a crab on Mars!

Stupid scientists, with their dumb science.

From the absolute sleuth geniuses at UFO Sightings Daily (a site that is desperately needed, since there are daily UFO sightings all over the place that need documentation):

This crab-like object was found in a Mars rover. Its unknown exactly who found it, but it is really interesting. It does appear alive. It may be a crab-like animal, or it also may be a plant. Tis object has many arms and one of them goes to the left of the picture a very long ways. That arm is longer than all others. Plant or animal it really doesn’t matter. The significance of this is that it shows signs that it is alive. That is everything, but not to NASA. Even if every person on Earth told them to turn the rover to the left and take a closer look at this object, NASA will reject it and say, “thats not part of our mission.”

UFO Sightings Daily reports it also spotted in this photo “another animal close to this crab, as well as a broken stone building.”  The dream is real people.  There are aliens, and James Cameron was right because they are definitely Face Huggers.

Or maybe, just maybe, it’s a rock. And a case of pareidolia. Nah, scratch that. Definitely a space crab.

Oh Internet, keep being you.

A Look Back At Jon Stewart's Satirical Demolitions

Last night on one of what is the final few episodes of his show, Jon Stewart took a moment of reflection, and managed to quote Conan (the barbarian, not the host) in true Daily Show fashion.  Please don't go Jon, there is still time!

In 17 seasons on the Daily Show, Jon Stewart has crushed, destroyed, demolished, and especially eviscerated every opponent in his path with a merciless, unyielding bulldozer of satire (we know this because every headline of the viral news era tells us so, including many of ours). In his penultimate episode, Stewart takes a look back at the enemies he’s thoroughly defeated... or not.





All those segments made us feel better in the moment, but god, that’s depressing. No wonder he’s retiring.

Still though, gonna miss you when you return to your home planet.  Gonna miss you real bad.  

Tune in tomorrow for the end of another era.

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

The Hoverboard Dream Is Real

AFTER A MONTH of teasers and speculation, Lexus has finally shown off its real, live, working hoverboard. It may not beBack to the Future, but it’s still a mighty satisfying ride.





As it turns out, the future is hard; professional skateboarder Ross McGouran has plenty of spills on the way to mastering even basic moves. That’s perhaps not surprising, given that riding the Lexus hoverboard is basically like straddling a maglev train. As we explained in June, the Lexus hoverboard relies on superconductors and magnets, which work against gravity to lift board and rider above the ground. That cool-looking steam coming off of the sides isn’t decorative; it’s liquid nitrogen, cooling the superconductors to -321 degrees Fahrenheit, the temperature at which they become superconducting.

The steam’s not the only thing that may not be quite what it appears. The biggest disappointment for hoverboard enthusiasts is that course on which McGouran hover-shreds is actually has metal underneath it; on the surfaces that comprise the vast majority of our infrastructure, the hoverboard would simply be a heavy, immobile board. In fact, aside from its healthy dose of style, the Lexus hoverboard isn’t much different from a dozen lab demonstrations that have taken place over the last few decades.




A highly constrained, not quite original hoverboard is still a hoverboard, though. And this one even comes with a bonus; Lexus put together a mini-doc about the process that gives a refreshingly clear-eyed look at the physics behind the fun.

Marvel's Official Deadpool Trailer Is Here And Looks Excellent

You wanted it, you got it, motherfuckers! Sorry for the salty language, but this blood-soaked, full-length red band trailer for Deadpool has me feeling all giddy and inappropriate.  The "merc with a mouth" everyone's favorite antihero Wade Wilson is getting his own big screen treatment, and being played by the one actor who was born to portray a smart-assed super soldier good guy, who looks like a nightmare.

Ryan Reynolds teased us earlier this week in a luscious leather chair while holding a distinguished pipe and promised the meaty visual we’ve been salivating for since Comic-Con International would arrive by morning. But now it looks like the aforementioned chimichanga is being served ahead of schedule—if anything you’ve been waiting impatiently three weeks for can be considered early, that is! Deadpool is a Marvel creation, but this sure isn’t a Disney property.

From what I can gather it is the first time that Marvel has done an R-rated property since the old-school (but still just as kick-ass) Blade from 1998, long before the comic craze hit the world.  And if the trailer is any indication, they picked the right character to bring back all the nastiness that rating implies.

Fox wants you to know it’s got all that R-rated goodness you’ve been craving in a superhero movie, brought to you by the always mouthy and always game Ryan “The Ultimate Body” Reynolds. Sex, guns, massive head wounds, nudity, blood spatter, Salt-N-Pepa, katanas, Gina Carano and more are all here for your viewing pleasure. Between this and Suicide Squad, 2016 is going to be the breakout year for hard living antiheroes. It’s about damn time.

Check it out:



Yep. Sold.

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Cop And Baby Skunk With Yogurt Cup On Head For President

In the coming year, a number of both experienced legislators and relative neophytes will ask for your support as they seek election as President of United States.  The already crowded field on both sides seems to not be able to weather yet another pair of candidates.  However, I beseech you America, for you have not yet seen what is truly possible in a presidential ticket. There are truly, only one pair who deserve your vote: Cop and baby skunk with yogurt cup on head.

They just have the right platform.

Sure, it’s true, neither cop (Rochester Police Officer Merlin Taylor) nor baby skunk with yogurt cup on head (“Skunky”) have filed the necessary paperwork to formally run for the office. Indeed, Taylor and Skunky have yet to even suggest their candidacy in an unofficial capacity.

But still...





I think you'll make the right decision as citizens of this great nation when the time comes.

Skunky/Taylor 2016.

Monday, August 3, 2015

Buzz Aldrin Proves There Is A Government Form For Everything



This may be the only exciting piece of government paperwork you’ll ever read. Buzz Aldrin conquered Throwback Thursday forever last week when he shared his travel voucher from the Apollo 11 mission on Facebook and Twitter. What did he post?

This:

Note the bottom right categories...


At first it seems like another unassuming document. Just another travel voucher for Col. Edwin E. Aldrin for a round trip originating in Houston, Texas.  Nothing special for a man who surely traveled a large amount back then.  Then you realize the destination of the first part, which is THE MOON.

 If you look closely its all there.  The whole story of the most historic space mission to date is right there, listed matter-of-factly as a series of destinations in the right-hand column of the first page: Cape Kennedy, Florida; Moon; Pacific Ocean (USN Hornet); and Hawaii. The emphasis here being that he was going to the fucking moon for the first time any human tried such a thing. 

On the next page, the voucher spells out the details of travel arrangements for a business trip to the Moon. As in one Saturn V rocket and a shitload of fuel. Aldrin drove his own car from his residence to Ellington Air Force Base outside Houston, Texas.  (Wonder if he stopped for a quick coffee beforehand?) From there to Cape Kennedy, he flew on a government aircraft. Nothing unusual so far, but you’ve got to wonder what the typist thought while typing out the next two lines:
  1. Cape Kennedy, Florida to Moon: Government Spacecraft
  2. Moon to Cape Kennedy, Florida: Government Spacecraft
Probably had to double check on those details.  Make sure they read, and re-read.

The form also notes that “Government meals and quarters [were] furnished for all of the above dates,” which you would really hope.  Perhaps the Russian cosmonauts were not so lucky.  What a trip though. NASA really thought of everything.

Lovable Hitchhiking Robot Destroyed Because of Humanity

Pour one out for HitchBot.  All it wanted to do was see our great nation, but we just couldn't do it could we humanity?  Turns out we don't deserve a hitchhiking robot.  Not even one bit.

Yep, the hitchhiking robot that captured the hearts of fans worldwide met its demise in the U.S.

Gone too soon.


The Canadian researchers who created hitchBOT as a social experiment say someone in Philadelphia damaged the robot beyond repair on Saturday, ending its brief American tour.

The robot was trying to travel cross-country after successfully hitchhiking across Canada last year and parts of Europe.  So just in case you didn't read that right, everything went fine until the friendly metal individual came on down to the U.S.  Specifically to the people of Philly, a city that has a...certain reputation...for having terrible people.  A reputation that clearly stands.

It set out from Marblehead, Massachusetts, two weeks ago in July with the goal of reaching San Francisco, but never made it off the East Coast.

The creators were sent an image of the vandalized robot but cannot track its location because the battery is dead.

They say they don't know who destroyed it or why. But co-creator Frauke Zeller says many children who adored the robot are now heartbroken.

So congratulations Philadelphia.  The city that boos Santa Claus, and is actually littered with abandoned cars, has now stooped it's lowest.  If you are competing with every city in Florida to be the worst, you might just have won.  Congratulations.

And for hitchBOT, to quote a certain television show, "We can rebuild him, we have the technology." HitchBOT will ride again!

Sunday, August 2, 2015

FUNDAY: Hot Roddin' To That Ring In The Sky

Funday is a place of happiness, a place of celebration.  Usually not reserved for sadness or despair.  So this week when I heard that another great person had died before his time, I knew that this week we would celebrate him.  That rather than bemoan another wrestler gone before his time, we would cheer him on to the big Piper's Pit in the sky.

1954-2015

R.I.P. Rowdy Roddy, you really were the coolest.  You were the badguy, but people loved to hear you talk.  You were Canadian, but you wore a kilt.  And above all, you gave us all this:




Say hello to Macho Man and Dusty for us all.

MUSIC

Post Malone

Drake, I know you are busy beefing with Meek and all, and you already said that you were done doing favors, but you need to get hip to this guy.  He is one of your features away from blowing up, and you don't strike me as the kind of guy who would pass up this opportunity to be the dude who put on another great artist.  Seriously, the guy has released like 5 songs now, and every single one is a BANGER.  Get on the train now.






Keith Ape f/ Waka Flocka Flame, Dumbfounded, Father & ASAP Ferg

When this past week began, I did not expect to find the most hard jam I have heard in a long time coming from a Korean rapper named Keith.  But it's 2015 in July and here we are.  One of the very few songs where the descriptor "Turnt!" is a perfect choice. I don't even know what "IT G MA" means, but I don't need to look it up to scream it out my car window while furiously punching the roof. This right here, this is magical. UNDERWATER SQUAD!






The Darkness

Welcome back guys.  For a while there it seemed like you were done forever, but you made it through and the music world is more fun for it all.  Full glam body suits with the deepest v-necks for everybody!






Silicon

Here's how I think this video went down: "Well, we have a great falsetto pop-song.  What should we do for the video?  Hmm....How about we just put a bunch of cool stuff on a simple background and then shoot it? That sounds cool, right?"  Yes.  This is confirmed.  Cool.






Foals

Basically a sponsored demonstration of what that GoPro spherical camera can do for you.  It's still pretty cool though.






The Weeknd

One of the songs in the running for Song of The Summer finally gets a video, and to quote the man known as The Weeknd "and I love it, and I love it."  






BONUS CLIP






That's it for this time everybody.  Now get out there and start bodyslamming that week ahead of you.  It's what ol' Hot Rod would've wanted.