Friday, July 31, 2015

AOTW: That Luck Is Gonna Run Out

Welcome back to The Asshole of The Week, where each Friday we single out one person, place, or thing from the week that is the absolute worst.  This week we have a guy so dumb, so quick to ruin himself, that he turns a windfall into a hard fall...right into jail.

Here is a hypothetical for you: You just found a bag filled with $150,000 in cash, mistakenly left behind by an ATM worker. What do you do? The answer, dear readers who work in law enforcement, is obvious—you turn it in. Quite probably for a reward of some sort, for doing the thing that is right/legal. What do you definitely not do? What this guy did.

Oh, I am gonna do something stupid now...

Earlier this week, 42-year-old Alton Harvey had a real shot at living out my dream: the ATM shoots free money at you, you take it home and roll around in it, Indecent Proposal-style—woah, you’re 10 pounds lighter and your hair is perfect, and your high school crush is calling you to tell you they made a huge mistake. 

But where another, smarter man might forego these fantasies and not take the money, or inform police of the bounty, or, perhaps (I don’t know, just playing devil’s advocate here) lay low for a little while and see how things shake out, Harvey allegedly threw the bag of cash in his van, drove to a car dealership just “hours later” and purchased a $46,000 SUV.  He was riding high, quite literally in a big time tall vehicle with the rugged necessities you need combined with the luxury you deserve.

Then he got stupid.  Or, more stupid.  Which, hey, if you are on a streak, you gotta keep that streak up right?  Right?

At some point, cops say, he also apparently decided now was as good a time as ever to steal some tires, to which I guess there’s a certain criminal logic. When you’re hot, you’re hot, right?
Except he wasn’t.
Cops found his van two days later and arrested him. The brand-new car, which he thoughtfully parked right next to the van, was impounded, along with his plausible deniability, and Harvey is now in jail .
And like that the dream, the glorious dream, is dead.  Congratulations Mr. Harvey.  Rather than risk the prospect of maybe getting a reward, (or maybe not) for turning the money in, you rolled that dice and hit it.  Then you rolled it again and busted, and then got busted, big time.  Let this be a lesson to all you who lack morals out there and might find a large amount of money.  If you get a windfall, maybe lay low with your free money...don't be like Harvey.  Or you just might be as dumb and clearly The Asshole of The Week.

Amazon Signs Former Top Gear Hosts For New Car Show

SWEET SASSY MOLEASSY!  It is happening!

Look, here is the thing about me, I love Top Gear.  Or I used to love that show, before Jeremy Clarkson's firing by the BBC effectively ended it's run for me.  It was one of the funniest shows on television, providing so many hours of laughs for me based around something I have a genuine interest in: cars.  But the thing about it that was so magical was that it was just a great show, you don't even have to love cars to enjoy the humor, or the way that the three presenters (Jeremy Clarskon, James May, and Richard Hammond) played off of each other.  Ribbing each other as only real friends could do.

That's why it broke my heart when it all ended after Clarkson punched a producer over him not being able to secure an adequate dinner site while filming the show.  Now, Clarkson is admittedly a huge asshole, and he was warned by the BBC numerous times that he was on his last leg as far as past infractions went.  Still, an era has ended...until now!

Pictured: Richard Hammond, A large dumb ape, James May



Former Top Gear presenters Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, and James May have signed up for a new motoring show on Amazon Prime, set to air in 2016. The news ends months of speculation about the trio's future on TV after the BBC refused to renew Clarkson's contract following a "fracas" during filming this year. The deal is a major coup for Amazon's streaming service, which lags behind rival Netflix, and although there are no details of how much the firm paid for the trio, a company insider told the London Evening Standard: "We have made a significant investment."

The contract commits Clarkson, Hammond, and May to three years of the show, with work on the first season scheduled to start in fall. "I feel like I’ve climbed out of a bi-plane and into a spaceship," said Clarkson in a press release, with Hammond commenting: "Amazon? Oh yes. I have already been there. I got bitten by a bullet ant." May added: "We have become part of the new age of smart TV. Ironic, isn’t it?"
In addition to the three presenters, Amazon also secured former Top Gear executive producer Andy Wilman, an old school friend of Clarkson's and the figure credited with the show's revival in the early 2000s. Wilman and Clarkson reportedly dreamt up the show's tone and style during a conversation in a pub 15 years ago, putting Top Gear on the long road to becoming the most watched factual program of all time, with an estimated worldwide audience of some 350 million.

Amazon has the global rights to the show, meaning it should appear on the $99-a-year Prime Instant Video in the US, UK, and other markets. For Top Gear fans who don't have access to Prime though, the Wall Street Journal notes that Amazon has the power to license rights to the show to other broadcasters. "Customers told us they wanted to see the team back on screen, and we are excited to make that happen," said Jay Marine, vice president of Amazon Prime Video EU. "Our approach is to give program makers creative freedom to be innovative and make the shows they want to make."

Be still my heart!

Thursday, July 30, 2015

Man Creates Controllable (Tiny) Giant Robot

The future is now.

Okay now scale that sucker up and lets start fighting some Godzillas.

Danny Benedettelli has built a LEGO model and exoskeleton that lets him control a small robot with his body. As MAKE reports, it uses LEGO Mindstorm and an Android phone, and while theidea of this kind of control is decades-old, it’s awesome seeing it applied with LEGO in a guy’s bedroom, instead of a Hollywood film set or a NASA facility.

Check it out in action, if only for the awesome way that Benedettelli says "robot":





Scientists, you got the memo.  Start wildly creating massive monster creatures without any foresight into the destruction they could cause.  We got this covered.

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Big Ass Lasers Coming Your Way By Way Of Japan Smart People

Lasers.  They are cool.  Everybody enjoys some lasers.  From GI Joes to Star Wars men, lasers are the part of science everybody can get behind.  In fact they are so cool, that even when you spell the word wrong, it still looks cool - Lazers.

Some scientists with what I assume to be the world's best job are doing some ill laser shit.
Take cover: scientists from Osaka University have begun using the world’s most powerful laser, that pumps out 2 quadrillion watts. That’s 2,000,000,000,000,000 watts.

*Rodney Dangerfield voice* "Hey! That's a lotta watts!"


But don’t panic too much. While such a laser in continuous use would demand more power than the world could feasibly supply to it, the device in fact only runs for one trillionth of a second. That means that it actually use a relatively modest amount of energy to run.

As Engadget points out, the Laser for Fast Ignition Experiments actually only used a few hundred Joules for this first trial run—about as much as a microwave oven uses in a few seconds. The high powers are generated not with huge currents, then, but by amplifying the signal through a series of glass lamps over the span of its 300-foot length.

Like any over-excitable team of scientists, though, 2 quadrillion watts — sometimes referred to as 2 petawatts — is not enough. “With heated competition in the world to improve the performance of lasers, our goal now is to increase our output to 10 petawatts,” Junji Kawanaka, one of the researchers, explained in a press release.

Knife Wielding Streaker Serenades SWAT Team With Banjo Concert

This is the time when it is so rewarding to have a blog that follows popular culture.  Just being able to write this headline alone,  perfect.

On Sunday, a Washington man was arrested after allegedly running naked through his neighborhood waving a knife—but not before treating police to a surprise banjo concert, KPTV reports.

Pictured here somehow wearing cargo shorts.

One eyewitness, who pretty much nailed the mood of the whole thing, told the station:“It was crazy ridiculous."  Yeah, you think so?

Responding to complaints of a nude, knife-wielding man, officers say they found the suspect, 26-year-old Andrew Helmsworth, barricaded in his home.  Helmsworth, it is safe to say, didn't make very many good decisions that day.  Except maybe fore holding the impromptu banjo concert.  After all, everybody benefits from a little exposure to the art of music.  Even a SWAT team. A two-hour standoff with SWAT officers reportedly ensued, ending only when Helmsworth left his house to pluck out a tune. If you're gonna go down swingin' it might as be to the dulcet tunes of the south's favorite instrument. From The Columbian:
A neighbor captured a portion of the standoff with a cellphone. Footage showed Helmsworth emerging from the house with a banjo and playing for police. He was subsequently shot with a nonlethal round and taken into custody about 5:45 p.m.
Helmsworth, who authorities say chased his father with the knife, now faces felony assault charges, KATU reports.  No word on if they will let him play banjo in jail.  Probably harmonica fits better.

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

High and Screaming Underwear Clad Ice Cream Man Arrested

A New York man was arrested on Friday after allegedly driving around an ice cream truck in his underwear while intoxicated and yelling at children, WIVB reports.

I don't want to tell anyone how to live, but this is probably a bad idea.

According to the Erie County Sheriff’s Office, deputies responded to the scene after receiving complaints of an ice cream driver “screaming at people while scantily clothed.” From WSLS:

Police said they arrived to find Ryan Duff, a 24-year-old man, wearing only his underwear.  Which to be honest, would seem strange for a man who is literally surrounded by frozen things.

A police investigation led officers to (somehow) believe he was under the influence, so they arrested him and brought him in for drug testing. Although Duff refused testing, police said a drug recognition expert decided he was (gasp!) impaired by drugs.

Police reportedly charged Duff with DWI and other offenses before releasing him to a sober driver.  No word if they helped themselves to some Rocket Pops for a job well done.

English Is Hard Especially For Japanese Television

English is not an easy language for Japanese people. But you’d think that Fuji TV, one of Japan’s biggest television networks, would have a native English speaker check things. You’d think, but you would be wrong.

Recently, the network broadcasted its annual telethon 27 Hour TV. This is one of Fuji TV’s most widely promoted specials. This year, it featured celebrities wearing t-shirts that read, “No Fun, No
TV, Do Honky.”

Oh boy.

People on Twitter watching the show, including Heroes actor Masi Oka, were quick to point out what “honky” meant in English and wondered if Fuji TV knew what the word meant.

So what’s going on here? Why are they wearing shirts that say “honky”? The telethon is actually referring to the Japanese word “honki” (本気), which means “truth,” “earnestness” or “seriousness.” These telethons usually have celebrities participate in athletic events—hence, showing an earnest effort.


Well...you can call me whatever you want...

The shirt probably should read something like, “No Fun, No TV, Be Serious.”

But as Livedoor News points out, the word is usually written as “honki” in English, so changing the “i” to a “y” and mixing in English words resulted in this unfortunate and embarrassing linguistic fail.

This certainly isn’t the first in recent memory for Japanese TV.  Their failure to capture the English language is known.  However, who are we to talk?  Not like we have any Japanese on our game shows.

Monday, July 27, 2015

Watch This Pilot Make An Insane Crosswind Landing

Extreme crosswind landings can be terrifying, and yesterday, pilots in the Netherlands were thrown into the crucible when the worst storm in 100 years rocked Amsterdam’s Schiphol Airport with winds up to 75 miles per hour. This incredible video shows a KLM 777-300ER pitching and rolling until the last possible second.

It's insane.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is your pilot speaking.  At this time I hope you have a diaper on.

Crosswind landings are among the most difficult situations that pilots must overcome. The delicate ballet of control inputs is a test of both skill and confidence. Beyond being a true testament to pilots’ skills, however, they also make for great videos!

Check out the video below, just make sure you are calm beforehand, because this one is a doozy.



Hope you were sitting down (preferably on a toilet).

Somebody get that pilot a drink, and a medal.

You Can Never Escape My Golden Hounds

At this point, you’re probably considering escape—and it’s true, even a reasonably swift child could outpace me—but you will never outrun the dozen flaxen hounds you see before you.

You can go to Thailand. They will find you. You can try to swim away. They will take to the water like the land seals they are.

Yes! SWARM!


You can run to the very end of the Earth, never pausing for a breath or a snack.
And they will be there.
Some have called me a “tyrant,” a “madman,” a “weirdly intense amateur dog breeder.” I may be all of those things and worse, but I’m also a sporting man, which is why I’m giving you a ten-minute head start.
This, however, is merely a sadistic courtesy.





Because—let’s be real—you will never escape my ravenous pack of straw-haired hounds.

Sunday, July 26, 2015

FUNDAY: OH YEEAAAHHHH

Welcome back Funday fans!  The birds are chirping, the sun is out, and it is a wonderful summer Funday!  So what a perfect time to remember to learn our lessons.

That's what this week has taught us.  Never hold your heroes too high, in fact maybe kill your heroes, because if you are foolish enough to worship a dude in yellow boots and a bandana, it will come back to bite you.

After all, there really is only one person in tights you should idolize, and he has great sunglasses:

Also a great cowboy hat collection.

I leave you with some good music, and a reason why Macho Man was, is, and always will be the G.O.A.T.



MUSIC

Thundercat

An existential samurai tale for the modern sad man.  That is the best, and only way I can describe the visual to one of the most squelching, lovesick song on the mini-album.  It's great in all ways, and you should go ahead and watch it now.






Kurt Vile

There are very few people in this world who can make deep slacking look glamourous.  Also, that house full of Vile clones would be the most chill house in the world.






Gangrene f/Action Bronson

This joke was funnier the first time when Jackass did it, but it's still pretty funny now.  And the music accompaniment is much better than before, that's for sure.






Vince Staples

It is impossible, nigh unpossible for this man to do anything that isn't a home run.  Seriously, he is so good right now, he has me using non-words to help describe him.






AHAB

Brutal.






Despot

There should be a falcon in every music video.





BONUS CLIP







That's it for now.  See you next week you macho folks.

Friday, July 24, 2015

AOTW: A Real American Racist

Welcome back to the Asshole of The Week.  A feature where each Friday we single out one person, place, or thing from the preceding week that is the absolute worst.

This time we have quite possibly the easiest selection ever made by this feature.  It just is developing now throughout the news world, but this one is cut and dry on the verdict.  This person has pretty much always been known to be a braggart, a narcissist, a self centered piece of shit, but it also turns out that "The Real American Hero" is among these other things a real fucking racist.

UGH.

I don't really know what more to say.  The story is developing and you can go see for yourself why this man who already was kind of a piece of shit, is actually a mega piece of shit.

Wait, no, I do know what to say:

FUCK YOU HULK HOGAN.  FUCK YOU COMPLETELY.


You are clearly The Asshole of The Week, it isn't even close.  Anyone who has sense was already a Macho Man fan anyway.  Now even those without any sense (AKA any of your fans) is probably now one as well.  Nice legacy you've got there.

Mortal Kombat Imagined For The Atari 2600 Is So Rad

Here's a rather interesting question for your Friday: What would happen if old school Atari classic Pitfall had a lurid evening filled with debauchery with Mortal Kombat?

This lovechild:




Yes, that’s Scorpion up there. What? Yes, I’m sure it is. Just squint and you’ll see how the yellow-and-black bits evoke the garb of the gory fighting game franchise’s undead ninja. Mortal Kombat: Netherrealm Journey has been floating around a good long while but I only just stumbled on it last night via an internet rabbit hole wandering that wound up at the Library of Atari YouTube channel. The homebrew game appears to be the work of AtariAge forum member Facemeat, who describes it thusly:

It is a platformer somewhat akin to Pitfall, and it’s set in the Mortal Kombat universe. You play as Scorpion, who has been defeated in mortal kombat and banished to the Netherrealm. Your goal is to traverse its treacherous depths and find the portal that leads back to Earthrealm.

If you want to play Mortal Kombat: Netherrealm Journey, you’ll need the Stella Atari 2600 emulator. You can download the game here.

Thursday, July 23, 2015

In The Battle of Bus Versus Head The Bus Always Wins

Ah, the timeless game of bus vs. head. The game where the fix is in, and bus always beats head. A man from the state of...all together now...Florida, was taught one of the primary laws of vehicular combat this weekend when he brought a head to a bus fight and lost, badly.

And....there it is....


According to police, the man became agitated after he disembarked from his rectangular foe Saturday morning and attempted to re-board. From WTSP:

The driver told him he would have to pay another $2, and he got mad. 
The driver left the bus and went inside the terminal. The passenger sat on a bench, then walked away. But about four minutes later, he returns and head-butts the glass doors on the bus, shattering the glass. 
He appears to be knocked out for a few seconds, but then wakes and runs off.

Authorities described the suspected head-busser as approximately 5-foot-9 with a slim build and an “OUNCES 40” graphic t-shirt.  The bus could not be reached for comment, but was probably proud of it's continued dominance over man.

All of Bond's Trouble Is At The Hands of Christoph Waltz In This New SPECTRE Trailer

Another day, another super rad SPECTRE trailer, and another reason for me to desperately wish that this movie was available for viewing.

The latest (and third by my count) look at the new Bond flick being helmed once again by the talented Sam Mendes looks like he will once again bring us a more personal Bond tale.  Like he did with 2013's incredible Skyfall, only this time instead of introducing us to some classic Bond cast members like Moneypenny and Q, we get the big daddy of villains in the titular SPECTRE.  Bond's most deadly enemies are this time being led by the excellent Christoph Waltz, who many speculate will be the classic leader of SPECTRE, Blofeld.

We’ve finally got a good look at SPECTRE, and there are all the usual Bond trappings — Q even presents 007 with a tricked-out car and hacking skills this time — but at the root of everything? Bond backstory.

Everything that’s happening in this trailer is about Bond, and less national security. Waltz’s character has been targeting him for years. He’s doing unsanctioned things in Mexico. He asks Q (who wears another snazzy sweater) to disappear him. This is a personal Bond story from the word “Go.”






Here’s the official synopsis from oo7.com:
A new trailer for SPECTRE, the 24th James Bond adventure, has been released today. A cryptic message from the past sends James Bond on a rogue mission to Mexico City and eventually Rome, where he meets Lucia Sciarra (Monica Bellucci), the beautiful and forbidden widow of an infamous criminal. Bond infiltrates a secret meeting and uncovers the existence of the sinister organization known as SPECTRE. 
Meanwhile back in London, Max Denbigh (Andrew Scott), the new head of the Centre for National Security, questions Bond’s actions and challenges the relevance of MI6, led by M (Ralph Fiennes). Bond covertly enlists Moneypenny (Naomie Harris) and Q (Ben Whishaw) to help him seek out Madeleine Swann (Léa Seydoux), the daughter of his old nemesis Mr White (Jesper Christensen), who may hold the clue to untangling the web of SPECTRE. As the daughter of an assassin, she understands Bond in a way most others cannot. 
As Bond ventures towards the heart of SPECTRE, he learns of a chilling connection between himself and the enemy he seeks, played by Christoph Waltz.

In case you haven't gleaned by now, I really need to see this movie.  And since the wait till November will most certainly be agonizing otherwise, all I can offer for relief is:

Martinis?

Cheers! 

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Happy Birthday Virtual Boy

Let's all take the time to wish one of video gaming's most supreme failures a happiest of birthdays shall we?

Nintendo’s first foray into 3D gaming was released in Japan on July 21, 1995. On this, the Virtual Boy’s 20th birthday, let’s take a moment to appreciate all the joy it has brought gamers over the years. No really, I’m serious.

Nintendo you wonderful bastards.


One of Nintendo’s biggest missteps, the red-and-black 3D gaming machine that is the Virtual Boy also stands as a testament to the company’s dogged dedication of hardware innovation.
Any other company, who had whiffed on something like this, something that was such a risk in conception and design, would have retreated.  Never again would they even think to try and innovate again, much more content to keep things on an even keel.

But Nintendo has gone on to bring us motion control, balance boards, controllers with built-in screens and—most apropos to this occasion—a 3D handheld that actually works, followed shortly by an updated version that actually works well.
So while the Virtual Boy may not have generated much in the way of direct joy, it was instrumental in establishing a Nintendo standard that would eventually make millions of gamers around the world incredibly happy.

I don't care, this thing was fun...until it fell and smashed your nose.


Still gave you headaches though.

John Oliver Wonders Why We Waste So Much Food

In America, we throw out more than a third of our food, an insane 730 football stadiums worth every year. That’s up by about 50 percent since the ‘70s. Meanwhile, 50 million Americans are hungry. John Oliver spent this week’s Last Week Tonight looking into the causes of this ugly state of affairs.

The big ones: We reject any produce that doesn’t look perfect before it ever gets to the store, and once products are in the store, we hew to mostly-meaningless expiration dates set by companies that just want you to buy more of their stuff.

Oliver looked for any case where someone had been sued for donating food past its sell-by date that later made someone sick: apparently, there isn’t one. What’s more, there’s a federal law called the Emerson Act that protects good-faith food donors, so companies and farms aren’t actually facing legal catastrophe when they donate food.

On the other hand, getting food to people who need it costs money—it’s cheaper to throw the food away than pack it and transport it to a food bank. Large corporations always get tax breaks for donating, so they really ought to be doing it, but the part of the tax code that incentivizes small businesses to do the same has to be renewed every year. They often don’t know if they’ll get anything until after they’ve already paid to donate.

Check it out:





The House passed a bill this year that would’ve made those tax breaks permanent, but the Senate dismantled the entire bill and repurposed it, and the provision that made it viable to give away food disappeared.

Finally passing that law would be good, but so would not consistently buying 25 percent more food than we eat. America!

Monday, July 20, 2015

Tomorrow Is An "Interesting" Japanese Holiday

Are you currently in Japan?  Are you currently in Japan and are a fan of self love?  Well you are in for a treat!

Tomorrow is "Hand Job Day" in the land of the Rising Sun.

No, it’s not a national holiday by any stretch. But yes, the day does have an official super hero. Good to know!

I don't want this guy anywhere near my privates.

Japanese company Tenga, which makes a line of masturbation toys by the same name, is dubbing July 21 as “Hand Job Day.” The reason is that “masturbation” in Japanese is “onanii” (オナニー), which is a pun on 07.21 (“o” for “zero”; “na” for “seven” or “nana” in Japanese; “ni” means “two” in Japanese; and here, they’re making a pun on the long vowel mark “ー” by saying it refers to “一” or “ichi,” which means “one.”) So, “Jerk Off Day” is probably more accurate.

Huh, learned something new today.  Because I thought "Jerk Off Day" was any time that somebody cut me off on the freeway.  I stand corrected.

The company has created a Power Rangers or Kamen Rider style “Masturbation Hero” called Tengaman.

So there. There you go.

Luckslinger Sees All My Wildest Video Game Fantasies Come True

Ever wonder how wild the Wild West would have been if everyone had been scratching records instead of rustling cattle? Luckslinger might be the game for you, and let's be clear, ever since I saw the opening credits of things like Samurai Champloo and Afro Samurai, this game has been for me.

Oh yeah.

It’s a side-scrolling shooter and adventure title that is mostly a cowboy game, except for the places it takes a detour and dumps a bunch of hip-hop in the game via its soundtrack. mini-games and loading screens.

On one half it’s inspired by the unrealistically fast gunslingers, the dark gritty humor and the greed driven anti-heroes of the spaghetti western classics.

Oh, yeah.


On the other half it’s inspired by vinyl digging, graffiti spraying, rhyming and the slow drums and jazzy samples of hip hop culture and sound.

Like Afro Samurai, then, only Afro Cowboy.





So you are a drinking, gunslingin', record scratching, cowboy in a Hip-Hop western world. As you can see in the trailer, it even has a cool "luck" system, whereby you collect luck and use it to pull off some cool moves.

Pump this game into my veins.

Sunday, July 19, 2015

FUNDAY: 2 Legit

Look, I could write an intro here, but I honestly have nothing for this week.  It's okay, I admit it.

So instead here is an awesome documentary about a man who is 2 Legit for reality:



I'll have something good next week.  Promise.

MUSIC

Yo La Tengo

This.  This is the good stuff.






PUP

I have no idea why anybody would want to go on tour.  Making it colorful cartoons only serves to emphasize the fact that it seems like literal Hell on Earth.






Chvrches

They're back y'all.






YG

I read an article about this song where the writer (who wasn't identified by a byline) described the vocaloid effects in it as "Daft Punk-esque."  Not only did this make me cringe because that is a terrible descriptor, but it is most certainly not "Daft Punk-esque."  That vocal effect is synonymous with the 90's p-funk California sound that Dr. Dre pretty much created and famously used on a little song you may have heard of...perhaps...A sound that Tupac and his group Tha Outlaws would go on to use to much success. You know, the kind of sound that a young talented West Coast rapper like YG, a rapper who both innovates and pays homage to that era, would employ.  You would think any music journalist would recognize this.  Well, one born before 1991.  Then I realized that they probably weren't born before 1991, and they have no reference for this era and I simultaneously felt very old, and very sad.  Anyway, what I am getting at here is that YG is a smart young rapper who knows and respects eras that came before him, even though he is as well too young to have experienced them first hand.   






Skrillex & Vic Mensa

Never thought I would say this, but Skrillex should just make a rap album.  Like a compilation.  Like the kind of stuff Rap DJs do.  Just a collection of his beats, with various stars collaborating from song to song.  It would most definitely be dope.




BONUS CLIP




Oh boy.  See you next week.

Saturday, July 18, 2015

AOTW: Hollywood Still A Home For Biggots It Seems

Welcome back to The Asshole of The Week, a series where each Friday we single out one person, place, or thing from the week that is the absolute worst.  This week we have a person so out of touch, so quick to be discriminatory, that it is astonishing.  This week was easy folks, because this guy really is terrible.

Caitlyn Jenner has received plenty of praise for her crushing showing at the ESPY's Wednesday night, and of course, plenty of backlash for merely existing as an out trans woman.

Among the naysayers is Peter Berg, who developed the Friday Night Lights TV series and also is responsible for the cinematic abortion Battleship. That’s to say that you win some, you lose some, and Berg just lost the respect of anyone with a brain by posting a meme (which I won't feature here because FUCK HIM), which pictures double amputee and veteran Gregory D. Gadson side by side with Jenner and reads: 
“One man traded 2 legs for the freedom of the other to trade 2 balls for 2 boobs. Guess which man made the cover of Vanity Fair, was praised for his courage by President Obama and is to be honored with the ‘Arthur Ashe Courage Award’ by ESPN?”

Berg’s caption reads, “Yup.” Got that? Peter Berg votes “Yup” on transphobia.

Pictured: A biggot.

Though Jenner assured the crowd last night that she could take mockery directed at her as a result of her gender identity, it’s shit like this that exposes just how courageous out trans people are. Or why people still think it is totally okay to adhere to a discriminatory set of ideals and don't worry about backlash because it is trans people, so it is somehow okay.  This guy is a huge director, and he didn't think twice to post a meme that would easily cause him to be labeled as transphobic like it was no big deal.  Imagine if he posted a meme that was homophobic, or racist...because the prefix of that term transphobic, is trans he thinks it is okay.  THIS IS FUCKED and points to the continuing problem of how our society looks at trans people.

(On another level, as I type this article, I feel it is worth mentioning: Every time I use the terms "transphobic" or "transphobia" my computer doesn't even recognize them as terms.  We are on that level of acceptance right now, and it really is sad.)

I could go on and on about how much Peter Berg is a shitbag, and an asshole for this, but someone already summed this up better than I ever could. I can’t think of a better response to negativity like Berg’s than that which writer Craig Jenkins shared on Twitter last night:





Peter Berg, you are a piece of shit and easily The Asshole of The Week.  I will not be seeing any further movie or television show you work on, and would urge others who think of themselves as decent people to do the same.  May you be driven from your industry, and be looked upon as the biggot that you are.  Fuck yourself very much.

Friday, July 17, 2015

Neil Blomkamp Teases Alien 5 With Some More Concept Art

Neill Blomkamp has specialized in original science fiction genre films thus far, but for his next project he’s working within the confines of a well-established sandbox: the Alien franchise. And for anybody who loves a series like that, it is gonna be interesting to see what the sci-fi visionary comes up with.

At least it cannot be as bad as some of the other movies/video games....can it?


It’s not clear yet what Blomkamp’s Alien 5 will be about, nor when it will take place in the Alien cinematic timeline. However, similar to 2015 series revivals Jurassic World and Terminator Genisys, Blomkamp’s movie will come the closest to being a direct continuation of the last widely-acclaimed installment in its respective franchise (James Cameron’s Aliens, in this case).

As such, Blomkamp’s Alien 5 will bring back Sigourney Weaver as series’ lead Ellen Ripley, and her Aliens costar Tha God of the 80's Michael Biehn may well return as Dwayne Hicks too. The latest piece of concept art for the project unveiled by Blomkamp confirms that so much remains the plan now.

Blomkamp posted the newest piece of Alien 5 concept art to his Instagram account, with a note that the project is “going very well.”

The picture features both Ripley and Hicks (alongside some as yet identified people), facing a soldier(?) wearing futuristic armor, who appears to have the South Korean flag as a logo on their left shoulder.

Check out the image for yourself and see what you make of it:



A photo posted by Brownsnout (@neillblomkamp) on



OG Sigourney Weaver AKA Ripley AND Tha God Michael Biehn?! This could be good.

Thursday, July 16, 2015

Pilot to Highway: Excuse Me Cars Because I Am Landing Here

On Sunday, traffic cameras captured the surreal moment when a skydiving plane made an emergency landing on New Jersey’s Route 72 and yesterday authorities did what anybody does with something like this these days, uploaded the incredible footage to Facebook.

It's nuts.

"Okay, make sure I have my signals on to merge...and...HERE WE GO!"

No cars were damaged and the only injury sustained to the five people onboard the plane was a cut to the instructor's arm.  Most likely caused by him biting himself due to the insane shit that was going down all around him during the landing.

“We are very happy all are safe,” George Voishnis, co-owner of Skydive East Coast, told NJ.com. “The instructors readied their students and the pilot expertly flew the plane avoiding power lines landed between the cars on Route 72.”

Then the pilot went straight from the plane and played the lottery, proposed to the first beautiful person he/she saw, and entered into a national singing contest. (None of this is true, but he/she probably should have done all these things.)

The pilot was though given a ticket for vertically merging, a big no-no on New Jersey highways.  (This is also not true, but would have been funny as well.)

According to Voishnis, the emergency landing was prompted by a mechanical problem with the plane’s engine. Authorities say the F.A.A. is investigating the incident.

Check it out, and realize that this is probably the most fitting situation for a "LIKE A GLOVE" quote of all time:




Like a glove indeed.


Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Jimmy Fallon's Gruesome Finger Injury Will Haunt Your Dreams

“It’s a thing called ring avulsion. A-V-U-L-S-I-O-N. If you Google it, it’s graphic images. Don’t Google it. But ring avulsion, it’s a real thing...,” Jimmy Fallon said last night, describing thegruesome hand injury that kept him away from his show for two weeks and will now fuel your paranoid nightmares for a lifetime.

Jimmy Fallon is a silly clown who enjoys a drink from time to time, but he is absolutely correct: don’t Google it.  Here, I will help you by describing it, so you don't have to Google it.  It is like your finger was a banana, and you peeled it, down to the bone.





Fallon nearly lost a finger when he tripped on a rug and snagged his ring on a countertop as he fell. The digit was bent completely sideways and required six hours of intricate surgery, including a vein transplant from his foot, to save (seriously, don’t Google it).

And that’s what happens when you’re a famous millionaire.

“Usually they just cut your finger off,” said Fallon. Very reassuring.

Fallon spent his 10 days in the ICU reading Man’s Search for Meaning and trying to design a ring that won’t suddenly destroy your finger while you’re walking around your apartment one morning. That would be good, because between falling through a sidewalk grate, getting caught in subway doors, being in an elevator when the cables snap, and dropping an air conditioner on someone, who has time for one more irrational fear?

I told you not to Google it.

Dastardly Dong Dangler Haunts Portland

A specter is haunting Portland—the specter of dildos.

*GASP*

According to Reuters, hundreds of “phallic sex toys” have recently started appearing on Rip City power lines, prompting numerous complaints to the city and several delightful Twitter posts.

But fear not, penily-menaced Portlanders, because officials say the synthetic dicks pose no immediate threat. From Reuters:

A spokesman for public utility Portland General Electric said he did not believe the rubber products posed a fire hazard.
Still, area power companies would prefer you didn’t use their lines as ad hoc nun-chub hangers.
What dastardly villain is dangling all these dingalings?  So far, no one knows, but the hunt is on for the (possibly) masked (probably) trench-coated (and nothing else) dildo phantom!

“The temptation may be there for tittering,” a Pacific Power spokesperson who clearly does not choose their words wisely enough to avoid snickering, told The Oregonian, “but we want to keep the lines as safe as possible.”

So get that into your head you purveyor of plastic phalluses, you tosser of tallywhackers!  Leave the good people of Portland's power grid alone.

(And if you are out there Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein, please make this a part of Portlandia)

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Who Is This Legend?

On Sunday, Reddit user SeagoatCM uploaded a video simply titled “The legend” showing a man performing an animated recorder breakdown to Z.Z. Top’s “La Grange” while simultaneously navigating L.A. traffic.





But who was this mobilized jazzman, this rocker on wheels, this...four-wheeled funk machine? Unfortunately, SeagoatCM had little information to offer, but other users chimed in to report their own sightings.

13lauGrana:


I’ve seen this guy driving around Pasadena. He literally has no fucks

unclever:


I saw him on Colorado a month or two ago! I think he was in a van or SUV though when I saw him. Gotta love his enthusiasm.

Kjlee:


He was in an suv/van when I saw him on Green St this past February, I couldn’t stop laughing.
Finally, one commenter claimed the flute rocker was none other than his dear old dad.

arffarffarff:


Dad has always been a, well, “artistic” kind of a guy. In the late 80’s he was in a jazz band that toured with Kenny G. He was a big fan of acid jazz which is why you hear him playing that wild style. Sadly, my mother divorced him in 1996 because of his weird behavior and lack of money. I think it was the right decision. I still see him sometimes, but he lives in tiny apt on Fair Oaks which smells like cat. Nice enough guy though, wouldn’t hurt a fly.

Of course, arffarffarff’s testimony is still completely unverified—leaving just enough uncertainty to let the legend live. Until we get some more concrete details, we may never know the identity of the mobile flautist, but perhaps that is for the best.

I like to think he is always out there, ready to blow some tunes at the drop of a hat.  Soldier on you SoCal legend, soldier on.

Monday, July 13, 2015

Nintendo President Satoru Iwata Has Died

Nintendo has just issued a short statement announcing that president Satoru Iwata has passed away at the age of 55.

Thanks for everything Iwata-san


The statement reads:


Nintendo Co., Ltd. deeply regrets to announce that President Satoru Iwata passed away on July 11, 2015 due to a bile duct growth.

Iwata was forced to skip last year’s E3 due to his poor health, and shortly afterwards underwent surgery to remove the bile duct growth. A few months later, in the wake of concerns over his health, he said via Twitter “I’m progressing well”.

A talented programmer, Iwata first joined Nintendo’s HAL Laboratory in the 1980s, where he worked on games like Balloon Fight and EarthBound. He became a Director of the company in 2000, and in 2002 was appointed as only the fourth President of Nintendo when he succeeded Hiroshi Yamauchi.

In his time as President, Iwata oversaw some of the strongest (Wii, DS) and weakest (GameCube, Wii U) periods in Nintendo’s history as a video game company. In recent times, he developed almost cult status as the host of the Nintendo Direct programs.

An immensely popular figure both within the industry and with Nintendo fans, he will be sorely missed.

Rest in Peace, Mr. Iwata.

You Should Probably Watch The New Comic-Con Batman Vs. Superman Trailer

The Comic-Con geek bonanza rolls on.  First we had a (secret) look at DC's star studded villain affair, and now hold onto your butts because we have the big guns coming at you.

DC decided to unleash a brand new trailer for Batman v. Superman upon the unwashed masses at Comic-Con, and it delivers the goods.

Just what constitutes "the goods" in a movie where Earth's two mightiest heroes square off in a man vs. god fight?

Well for starters we get:
  • Lex "By God" Luthor!
  • Soldiers with Superman's logo on their chest!
  • A goosebump inducing Batman-Superman faceoff!
  • The goddess Holly Hunter!
  • Wonder Woman!
  • A motherfucking Robin costume hanging in the Batcave.
So yeah, there are quite a few things to process here. 

Check it out:





Now, since this is DC, there are come caveats.  Let's be honest here, their track record as of yet is...spotty at best (You didn't forget about Green Lantern did you?).  This is their first big attempt to bring all their franchises into the same universe as Marvel (and comics themselves) have been doing successfully for years.  Thus the inclusion of Wonder Woman as a setup for the inevitable Justice League, and Batfleck already appearing in Suicide Squad footage.  

On top of this conflagration it looks bloated with superheroes, and the fact that it is being directed by Zach Snyder AKA the man who has made more bad movies than good ones, this is a mighty concern.
Another thing, boy does this look dour, really fucking dour, which has been a criticism of just about every DC movie made thusfar.  Remember when Snyder turned Superman into the most sad sack brooder the world has ever known?  Yeah. Not what Supes is about Mr. Snyder.  

Although he seemingly has taken the whole "Superman as a messianic figure" aspect and ran the hell away with it. Here is the thing, superhero movies can be serious, there is nothing wrong with some earth endangering conflict. But the thing that Marvel just gets so far, and seems to be lost on DC, is that at their core they are supposed to be fun.  I mean, Henry Cavill is supposed to sell that if he slicks his hair back and takes off his glasses, nobody knows the difference, so making the movie he inhabits Sophie's Choice just doesn't compute.

Anyway, the movie isn't even out yet, so we will see if this all pays off, or if it is a disaster.  Either way, it seems like it will be a wild ride.  Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice will be out next year.

Suicide Squad Has A Trailer And Yes The New Joker Is In It

San Diego Comic-Con AKA The Big One happened this weekend, and since nobody wants to actually talk about comics there, there were a bunch of movie trailers instead.  One of which actually has to do with comics: Suicide Squad. 

This year's attendees were treated to the first trailer for the upcoming comic film, and in Comic-Con tradition were the first allowed to screen it as long as nobody filmed the thing.  And of course, somebody got away with filming it, so here it is:

(Watch it quick before it gets taken down)

UPDATE: The official trailer has been released in all it's glory




In the tradition of all trailers surreptitiously recorded and leaked during Comic-Con, this teaser for next year’s villain-turned-black-ops-agents movie is tough to watch and tough to hear. However we do finally get a look at Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn, Will Smith as Deadshot, and our first taste at DC's foray into linking all of their movie franchises into one universe (Akin to Marvel and comics in general: with the mentions of Superman, and the Batman's appearance no less). But the most important part—our first glimpse of pretty-boy Jared Leto as the Clown Prince of Crime—still manages to be the highlight.

Joker Leto.

Aside from the much maligned design of the new Joker, from what little we see it looks like Leto is going for his own take, a good idea for anyone following the late Heath Ledger's iconic portrayal.

Of course, this isn’t the first time footage of the Suicide Squad film has made its way onto the internet, with sequences showing a tense moment between Harley Quinn and Joker andBatman chasing down Mr. J. preceding this one. At least David Ayer made a joke about it, huh?

Sunday, July 12, 2015

FUNDAY: All Up In This

You know the drill y'all. Get a little Funday all up in that weekend of yours.

You need it, I need it, so let's enjoy.

No time for lengthy intros this week.  I got moves to make.  So get into it and we will be back next time with a proper beginning.

Let's go!

MUSIC

Tove Styrke

Though this Swedish Pop star doesn't flash her fans onstage like another conspicuously named Swedish Pop star who shares that first name, that doesn't mean she isn't just as rad.  






Yogi & Skrillex f/ Pusha T

I have no idea what is going on in this video, and that is perfectly fine.  Also, Pusha T in anything is always the best.  





Young Thug

Fun with Photobooth!






Miguel

When he isn't busy talking shit about other incredible artists (come on Miguel, Frank Ocean is untouchable) Miguel continues to do his thang in the best possible ways.  Watch this one, just make sure you are in the appropriate setting ala not work.






Future

To quote the man, "I don't do nothing fugazi." - Music is the best all day every day.





BONUS CLIP







That's it.

Friday, July 10, 2015

AOTW: Of Course Kid Rock Wants To Keep The Confederate Flag

Welcome back to The Asshole of The Week, where each Friday we focus on one person, place, or thing from the preceding week that is the absolute worst.  This week we have a man named Bob from Detroit, who continues to prove that he is actually as big of a piece of shit as he looks.

The world's resident scumbag Kid Rock is at it again. On Monday, following the recent tragedy in South Carolina and subsequentdebate over the Confederate flag, the Michigan chapter of Al Sharpton’s National Action Network held a protest outside of a Detroit museum with a Kid Rock exhibit. Which if this is true, and Detroit actually has a Kid Rock exhibit, shows only that the desolate reality of that city has been until now somehow drastically underrepresented. I weep for that poor town.

Pictured: Detroit native, dumb asshole.

The Detroit rocker and alleged glass dildo recipient — who is, again, from Detroit, which is nowhere near the South — has been known to use the Confederate flag in his concerts, and the National Action Network would like him to, you know, stop pulling that racist bullshit. “How in the hell can Kid Rock represent Detroit and wave that flag just generating millions and millions in ticket sales — a flag that represents genocide to most of Detroit?” asked Sam Riddle, political director of the National Action Network.

Last night, Fox News — everyone’s favorite source of well-reasoned, even-handed news and opinions — covered the story. The less we can say about this, the better, but The Kelly File host Megyn Kelly and conservative radio host Dana Loesch defended Kid Rock before Kelly read out a statement given to her by Kid Rock himself: 
“Please tell the people protesting to kiss my…ask me some questions.”
Two things:

  1.  Kid...or Bob...or whatever...you should be in jail right now for being the person who introduced the plague incarnate that is Uncle Kracker onto the world.  Just by association you are guilty and deserve no trial.
  2. You are from fucking Detroit.  Detroit, Michigan.  No matter how much you wish you were the second coming of Ronnie Van Zant, you are most certainly not.  You are an inauthentic poseur, who invokes the music of other much better musicians to leech success off of it shamelessly.
As for the flag, if you are so fucking clueless and devoid of empathy to not take down a flag because you cannot understand (or choose not to understand or care) why it hurts people...you are probably too far gone.  It is comforting to know that you will die someday, and better minds will make this decision for you.

And here is another thing about the whole confederate flag debate: That flag never existed outside the confederacy. By which I mean, there was no legislative coalition of southern states (or any official coalition for that matter) that used the flag after the war ended. So for me, it’s legacy lives and dies with the confederacy – it’s not a symbol of pride in the south of any era, it’s a symbol of pride in the confederate era of the south. You know, the one that wanted to keep fucking people in one of the worst genocides and brutal bondages in human record. All so that they could make lots of money. 

Is it a part of history?  Sure.  But put it in a fucking museum, like another flag: THE NAZI ONE.

Anyway the world continues to spin, people continue to be shitty, and Kid Rock is still a dumb asshole.  Good to know.  Good to know that despite much turmoil, there are always these constants to rely on.  Congratulations Bob, you are from Detroit, and are most certainly The Asshole of The Week.

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Jennifer Lawrence Met Bill Murray and (Understandibly) Freaked Out

The two respective sweethearts of America and the Internet collided in San Diego yesterday for Comic-Con.  They even had a photo together that somehow didn't break the lens of whatever device took it due to an overload of cool.

Yes.

This is a picture of Jennifer Lawrence freaking out about meeting Bill Murray at Comic-Con. It is basically the Internet in one image. Let’s break down its parts:
  • Jennifer Lawrence
  • Jennifer Lawrence freaking out
  • Jlaw's excellent hair
  • Jennifer Lawrence's dress 
  • Bill Murray
  • Bill Murray being cool
  • Bill Murray wearing a bandana
  • Bill Murray's shirt that is cool on him but only he could pull off
  • Bill Murray's pirate/Native American look
  • Jennifer Lawrence freaking out next to Bill Murray being cool
  • The possibility that they both love comic books
  • At Comic-Con

It is a good picture.

It's On: Japan Versus America In Giant Robot Battle

It's Real Steel, but for real this time.  It's Real Real Steel.

Fresh off of our World Cup win, the USA is feeling a little cocky.  So there is only one more field of competition left to conquer.  The world of giant robot fighting, coincidentally an area that Japan, the originators of mecha-anime, giant robots, and technology, reigns supreme.

The USA v. Japan rivalry continues.

Parents, I speak for everyone like me.  Thank you for birthing me so I would be alive for this.

Last week, American company MegaBots Inc. issued an audacious challenge to Japan's Suidobashi Heavy Industry, makers of the massive Kuratas robots.
"Suidobashi, we have a giant robot. You have a giant robot. You know what needs to happen," Megabots' Matt Oherlein said in a YouTube video. "We challenge you to a duel. Prepare yourselves and name the battlefield. In one year, we fight."
Since this is the U.S.A. there was only one way to issue such a challenge, by shit-talking video.
A video that featured Oherlein donning an American flag as a cape and showing off his company's 12,000-pound Mk. II robot with a paintball cannon capable of shooting 3-pound paintballs at 100 mph.

Japan, not one to back down from a fight, especially a robot fight, has accepted.  Sunday, Suidobashi Heavy Industries (who, let's be honest, has already won the battle of which company has the best name) released its own video, accepting the challenge -- and upping the ante. It's on...like...well...a giant robot fight.






CEO and creator Kogoro Kurata -- wearing a Japanese flag cape, of course -- responded, "Yeah, I'll fight. Absolutely. But you know what we really need? Melee combat."
"Just building something huge and sticking guns on it," he said. "It's super American." What he wants is hand-to-hand, metal-on-metal action. 
"If we're going to win this, I want to punch them to scrap and knock them down to do it."
Kurata told MegaBots to name the time and the place and he'll be there, ready to rumble.

Both giant robots are controlled by pilots inside the machine -- one in the 9,000-pound Kurata, two in Mk. II.

So grab the popcorn, or other food item you deem necessary to have whilst watching a giant robot fight, and get comfortable, there's a truly (and this word is for once acceptable) EPIC battle coming your way.

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Watch Brock Lesnar Destroy A Car And Make Your Day

Monster-sized baby monster person, and living nightmare Brock Lesnar beat up a car on this week’s episode of Monday Night Raw. You know who else does that? Street Fighter characters. You can see where this is going...

Before you ask why though, know that this is professional wrestling...there is no why.

This poor car was in his way.  R.I.P.


The folks at Sleepy Bear Gaming Studio did a marvelous thing, expertly overlaying visuals and sound effects from Street Fighter 2’s classic Bonus Stage over Lesnar’s car-destroying rampage. If this happened every week, there’d be a lot of happy wrasslin’ fans, I bet.

It's great and you should check it out:




Oh my car.

Save Your Comrades' Lives With Russia's Selfie Safety Guide

Russians.  We all know how they are, right?  They are the world's hardasses.  They live life on the edge in all ways possible.  For example, this is their idea of a fun day out on the town:



They are dedicated.  Dedicated to living on the edge at all times.  Even when it comes to taking something as seemingly as harmless as a regular old selfie.

Apparently, the people of Russia are so dedicated to selfies and/or eager to welcome death that their “high-risk” selfie poses have caused injuries to hundreds and killed dozens more. Naturally, the Russian government was forced to appeal to the nations’s youth in the only way that made sense: dry, informational pamphlets.

Don't forget the unintentionally hilarious illustrations!


Of course, the accompanying diagrams (to use the word generously) alone can only tell us so much. English speakers are idiots too, after all, so why keep this valuable safe-selfie information secret? Lucky for us pansies though, Russian-bred Dmitriy Kolinov  is here for us to unlock the mysteries of the Cyrillic alphabet.  In other words he is here to translate the pamphlets’ hidden wisdom.

And what a set of wisdom indeed:



Word.

Call me crazy, but a safe selfie is not the selfie I want to take.  Then again, perhaps I am unknowingly part Russian.

Somebody get these to the teens in the video above.  Quick!  "On the roof it'll be a high fall," - I mean it says it right there.

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

18 Minutes Shows Why No Man's Sky Could Change Video Games Forever

No Man's Sky has been wowing pretty much everyone who has seen it for years now during it's development.  The things that it promises seem to be potentially as revolutionary as when Nintendo first began to show off their new game called Super Mario Brothers.  Seriously, it could be that great.

However, the more we all saw of the game, the more many of us had something we needed to ask.
For months, fans everywhere couldn’t help but ask, ‘what do you DO in No Man’s Sky?’ Recently, the developers seem keen on answering that very question.

Oh baby.

Joined by Hello Games founder and lead developer Sean Murray, this deep video dive by IGN is more than worth the time to check it out. It begins to answer the questions we have all had, as to what exactly this game is, and how amazing it really could be. You’ll see some familiar things we’ve mentioned before—the wanted system, harvesting resources, and so on—in action, which is always nice.  You'll also see how the procedurally generated worlds work, and why some people are already saying this might be the last game they ever need to buy.

Plus, there are a few new tidbits that we’ve never seen gameplay footage of before, including:

-The five levels that make up the wanted system, and how to get rid of your wanted levels.

-How the game tracks your discoveries, as well as rewards you for discoveries.

-Planets have moons.

-Ships and weapons are also procedurally generated.

-You have a jetpack.

-How you can landscape your environment.

-What the consequences of dying are.

-Crystals, and why they’re a good resource early on.

-What it looks like to kill enemies/creatures.

-How you customize your weapons.

-What happens when your ship is destroyed.

Plus other stuff! If you’re at all interested in the game, give it a watch.





Incredible.

God Is Probably A McDonald's Fan

And lo, the heavens did open, and The Lord said, "FUCK WENDY'S!"

I said NO MAYONNAISE! 

What did this Gainesville-area Wendy’s do to piss off God? Don’t know, but it must have been pretty bad, judging by the unmistakable “fuck you” our benevolent creator sent the restaurant this Sunday.




Step your food game up Wendy's.  You have clearly sinned.

Monday, July 6, 2015

No Time For Deep Dives So John Oliver Takes Some Shallow Ones

John Oliver’s Last Week Tonight was off this weekend for the Fourth of July, so in lieu of his usual 15-minute “deep dive” into a complex topic, he posted this rapid-fire series of shallow dives into: bagels, seagulls, and shit.

Oliver skipped over the Trans-Pacific Partnership, the 12-country trade deal that involves 40 percent of the global economy and is nearing completion this week, because it’s too complicated for a four-second take. But it would be great if that were his next episode. If anyone can pick the TPP apart for the masses, it’s the guy who got tens of thousands excited about Net Neutrality.

At least we all learned something here today: Al Roker and Lenny Kravitz are cousins.

Enjoy:




He is so right about bagels.  Terrible.