Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Giant Man (The Rock) Has No Days Off, Saves Tiny Puppies on Labor Day

Even on Labor Day, there can be no rest for action star, known baller, and now real life action star Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. The Rock brought home two new French Bulldog puppies Monday—BRUTUS and HOBBS (all caps, please)—and wouldn’t you know it, as soon as he set them down outside, those cute 'lil fuckers ran straight for his baller-ass swimming pool.

HOBBS is a natural swimmer, got those natural swimmin’ instincts. But BRUTUS, The Rock explains, unfortunately has the instincts of a brick. (The Rock knows you thought he would say “rock,” but he wrote “brick” multiple times when he told this story on Instagram, so it’s “brick,” okay?)

Anyway, HOBBS is doggy-paddling along, and down to the bottom goes BRUTUS. So into the water goes a fully-clothed The Rock, who is like “Oh, shit. That dog can’t swim. He’s like a damn brick,” and he scoops BRUTUS up from the pool floor. He emerges triumphantly, lifts both doggies to the sky, and strikes a charming hero pose for social media. [Sound of cartoon smile sparkling in sun.]

Seriously, this looks too good to be real.  It will soon end up on one of those shitty "You won't believe these aren't photoshopped" picture top 10 articles on your favorite site that you hate but inexplicably keep clicking on.

No matter who you are, there is something to like in this picture.

Everyone was okay on this day of labors. Except for Dwayne Johnson’s phone, which was sadly killed during the rescue.

R.I.P. Dwayne Johnson’s phone (2015?-2015). At least he had a backup in case he had to Instagram any heroic rescues (always a possibility for The Rock).

Here is the moral of this episode of Ballers, according to Dwayne Johnson:

“A few lessons I’ve learned today. A) Not all puppies have the instinct to doggie paddle. B) Some puppies (like BRUTUS) will be so in shock by experiencing water they will sink extremely fast so react quick. C) While spiriting to save your puppies life, before you dive in, try and throw your cel phone to safety. Don’t keep it in your pocket… like I did. #BRUTUSLives #HOBBSCanSwim #MyCelPhonesDead #AndNoMouthToMouthNeeded #HappyLaborDay.”

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