Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Jimmy Fallon's Gruesome Finger Injury Will Haunt Your Dreams

“It’s a thing called ring avulsion. A-V-U-L-S-I-O-N. If you Google it, it’s graphic images. Don’t Google it. But ring avulsion, it’s a real thing...,” Jimmy Fallon said last night, describing thegruesome hand injury that kept him away from his show for two weeks and will now fuel your paranoid nightmares for a lifetime.

Jimmy Fallon is a silly clown who enjoys a drink from time to time, but he is absolutely correct: don’t Google it.  Here, I will help you by describing it, so you don't have to Google it.  It is like your finger was a banana, and you peeled it, down to the bone.

Fallon nearly lost a finger when he tripped on a rug and snagged his ring on a countertop as he fell. The digit was bent completely sideways and required six hours of intricate surgery, including a vein transplant from his foot, to save (seriously, don’t Google it).

And that’s what happens when you’re a famous millionaire.

“Usually they just cut your finger off,” said Fallon. Very reassuring.

Fallon spent his 10 days in the ICU reading Man’s Search for Meaning and trying to design a ring that won’t suddenly destroy your finger while you’re walking around your apartment one morning. That would be good, because between falling through a sidewalk grate, getting caught in subway doors, being in an elevator when the cables snap, and dropping an air conditioner on someone, who has time for one more irrational fear?

I told you not to Google it.

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