Friday, July 31, 2015

AOTW: That Luck Is Gonna Run Out

Welcome back to The Asshole of The Week, where each Friday we single out one person, place, or thing from the week that is the absolute worst.  This week we have a guy so dumb, so quick to ruin himself, that he turns a windfall into a hard fall...right into jail.

Here is a hypothetical for you: You just found a bag filled with $150,000 in cash, mistakenly left behind by an ATM worker. What do you do? The answer, dear readers who work in law enforcement, is obvious—you turn it in. Quite probably for a reward of some sort, for doing the thing that is right/legal. What do you definitely not do? What this guy did.

Oh, I am gonna do something stupid now...

Earlier this week, 42-year-old Alton Harvey had a real shot at living out my dream: the ATM shoots free money at you, you take it home and roll around in it, Indecent Proposal-style—woah, you’re 10 pounds lighter and your hair is perfect, and your high school crush is calling you to tell you they made a huge mistake. 

But where another, smarter man might forego these fantasies and not take the money, or inform police of the bounty, or, perhaps (I don’t know, just playing devil’s advocate here) lay low for a little while and see how things shake out, Harvey allegedly threw the bag of cash in his van, drove to a car dealership just “hours later” and purchased a $46,000 SUV.  He was riding high, quite literally in a big time tall vehicle with the rugged necessities you need combined with the luxury you deserve.

Then he got stupid.  Or, more stupid.  Which, hey, if you are on a streak, you gotta keep that streak up right?  Right?

At some point, cops say, he also apparently decided now was as good a time as ever to steal some tires, to which I guess there’s a certain criminal logic. When you’re hot, you’re hot, right?
Except he wasn’t.
Cops found his van two days later and arrested him. The brand-new car, which he thoughtfully parked right next to the van, was impounded, along with his plausible deniability, and Harvey is now in jail .
And like that the dream, the glorious dream, is dead.  Congratulations Mr. Harvey.  Rather than risk the prospect of maybe getting a reward, (or maybe not) for turning the money in, you rolled that dice and hit it.  Then you rolled it again and busted, and then got busted, big time.  Let this be a lesson to all you who lack morals out there and might find a large amount of money.  If you get a windfall, maybe lay low with your free money...don't be like Harvey.  Or you just might be as dumb and clearly The Asshole of The Week.

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