Sunday, March 22, 2015

See Which States Google Autocompletes Are The Most Sad

You can tell a lot about a person by what they aspire to own, or badly need to buy. That could have been the impetus behind a map that's making the internet rounds today—it's a graphic that ostensibly answers the question " What cost is each state obsessed with?" by testing how Google autocompleted the phrase "How much does *blank* cost in [NAME OF STATE]?"

Iowans really getting all wrinkly up there.

It was produced by a company called Fixr and like most easily sharable maps of this type, it's suspect in a lot of ways—for one, the data seems to have been gathered by looking at how the search engine autocompleted "How much does *blank* cost in [NAME OF STATE'S CAPITAL CITY]?"—but if we can pretend that it does correspond to reality in some way, Jesus, some of these most-searched terms are really tragic. But how tragic are they, and which is the saddest? Well, here's your answer, in list form, from "eh" to "genuinely appaling":

Not Sad:

50. Massachusetts: The T
49. New Mexico: Commercial driver's license
48. Rhode Island: State ID
47 and 46. New Hampshire, Washington: Passport
45. Kansas : Marriage license
44. Montana : Fishing license
43 and 42. New York, Colorado: Weed (This would surprise me if it was anything else)
41 and 40. Wyoming, Nebraska: Beer (Find it hard to believe Nebraskans don't know this)
39. Vermont: Cord of wood
38, 37, and 36. Pennsylvania, South Carolina, and Michigan: Liquor license
35 and 34. Minnesota, Georgia: Taxi
33. Utah: Speeding ticket


32. Illinois: Daycare
31. Texas: Nanny
30. Missouri: Build a house
29. Maine: State inspection
28. Wisconsin: Electricity
27. West Virginia: Drill a well
26. Hawaii: Gas (Just surf everywhere brah)

Oh Boy:

25 and 24. Arizona, South Dakota: Vasectomy
23. North Carolina: Nose job
22. Iowa: Botox
21 and 20. California, Virginia: Facelift (Duh.)
19. Idaho: Liposuction
18 and 17. Indiana, Arkansas: Breast implants
16. Oklahoma: Breast lift
15. Ohio: Private investigator
14 and 13. Connecticut, Nevada: Prostitute (What's up in Connecticut? Something we should know?)

Jesus Christ:

12 and 11. Mississippi, Tennessee: DNA test
10. Alaska: Gallon of milk
9. North Dakota: A minor (We assume this refers to the cost of raising a child, though it's unclear.)
8 and 7. Alabama, Florida: Abortion
6 and 5: Delaware, Maryland: DUI
4. Oregon: Water
3. Louisiana: Succession
2. Kentucky: Adopt a child
1. New Jersey: Funeral

There you have it.  Hopefully you live in one of the 17 states at the top.  If you don't, well, you'll have something to talk about at parties!

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