|Haters gonna hate.|
Eighty-five-year-old Albert Clemens, Sr. tells the Cleveland Advance the mysterious egger's accuracy is "phenomenal."
The house has been pelted with eggs several times a week — sometimes more than once a day — for the past year. The attacks always happen after dark and last around 10 minutes each.
The family has been awoken as late as 2 a.m. by what sounds like the crack of a gunshot against the aluminum siding or front door. Clemens and police believe the eggs are being launched from a block or two away.
Local police reportedly don't have much to go on except a suspicion that, "Somebody is deeply, deeply angry at somebody in that household for some reason" coupled with the knowledge that Clemens has a habit of calling 911 and narcing on his neighbors.
Most leads have turned out to be dead ends—DNA testing of the eggshells reportedly led officers to an Amish farm where the trail suddenly went cold. And pulling their prints is out too—apparently an egg "releases proteins that destroy DNA" when it breaks.
Also the eggers are watching and laughing:
The guilty parties don't appear to be intimidated by police interest in the case. An officer last year was taking a report when a barrage of eggs was launched at the house. One hit him in the foot.
Houser said he's never seen this level of vandalism in his 20 years of police work. It's frustrated the whole department, which has dedicated hundreds of hours toward solving the egging mystery.
Internet, if you're out there, help an old man out. Find these fuckers, and make sure you have a dozen on hand when you do.