Monday, March 2, 2015

Canadian Mystery Tunnel Built For "Personal Reasons" (Sex)

Earlier this month, Canadian police discovered a secret tunnel near one of Toronto's sports arenas. Panic quickly ensued—was it built by terrorists looking to disrupt this summer's Pan American Games? 

As it turns out, no. The tunnel was actually built by two dudes who told police they used it for "personal reasons." (Don't worry, we'll come back to that part.)

"Our concern was whether there was any criminal intent or threat to the people or the city. There was not. The investigation is concluded," Toronto police spokesman Mark Pugash told the BBC.

Good. Great. Everyone in Canada is safe. But what were these "personal reasons" that necessitated the building of an entire underground chamber? Toronto police couldn't or wouldn't say, but we have our guesses. (Sex tunnel all the way).

Hurry up and climb down! I am getting hot!

The tunnel, CNN reports, is 33-feet long, six-feet high, and located 10 feet below ground, accessible only via a dirt-concealed lid that leads to a ladder. A Remembrance Day poppy and a rosary were found pinned to one of the walls; a gas can, a wheelbarrow, food and drink containers, gloves, and light bulbs were also discovered in the passage, which was equipped with electricity.

"This was built with a considerable amount of sophistication," Deputy Chief Mark Saunders Saunders said at a press conference last week. "The individuals responsible for building it clearly had some expertise in structural integrity."

Yeah, structural integrity, and underground boning.  If you think about it, building a private sex tunnel to hang out in makes perfect sense.  It's nice and dark if you want, and it is purpose built.  It's not like a bedroom, where you could intend for some sex to happen only to end up watching 13 episodes of House of Cards and falling asleep with a bowl of ice cream in your lap.  When you go into the sex tunnel, sex will be had.  It simplifies things.

To each their own (sex tunnel).

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