Monday, February 2, 2015

Here's Your Super Bowl Primer

Hey, last night was the Super Bowl.  It was a football game wherein a bad call happened and because of that you will now hear the meaningless word "dynasty" and name "Tom Brady" for the next year.  But really, do you even care about that?

No, because so much other good stuff happened that it doesn't even matter.  Here are the things that you should be aware of:

Johnny Weir won the game before it began.

Some fans favor the Seahawks to win this year's Super Bowl. Others, the Patriots. All of them, alas, are fools. That's because Super Bowl XLIX has already been won, hours before kickoff, by figure skating legend and fashion icon Johnny Weir.

Yes, that is a sparkly football hat.  Game over.

Shut that shit down.

Kanye was not amused.

A subdued Kanye West continued his tour of apparent misery with surprise stops at the Super Bowl and a Waffle House. Above, Seahawks fan Ben Pitasky joins an indifferent Kanye in an Instagram selfie captioned "Kanye loves the Hawks and being bothered."

Not even delicious hashbrowns could make Yeezy crack a smile.

Probably realized that he actually married a wonder he is so sad.

Missy Elliot stole the entire show

Apparently Katy Perry was the halftime show entertainment, but nobody remembered that for the few precious moments that she brought out The Queen Missy Elliot.  Despite not having a record released in the past 14 years, she was still Missy, which means the world to us all.

Awwwww shit!

All she needed was a three-minute medley of Get Your Freak On, Work It, and Lose Control. Katy Perry was also apparently somewhere on stage during this time.

Actual quote by my dad, "This is the best part of the show." Well said dad, well said.

Katy Perry didn't have time to train her dancing sharks

During the Missy Elliot Halftime Spectacular Katy Perry show, she eventually brought out her dancing pals who happened to be sharks, beach balls, and singing palm trees because she is Katy Perry.  

Although, one of the jolly predators didn't get their steps down on time. Which somehow made things even more adorable.

So there you have it.  Everything you needed to see, excluding the commercials and game of course because fuck that noise. 

Take it away Kitty Purry!

Looking pretty nervous, a fine performance anyway!  (Also, how did you not call her Kitty Purry.  Katty Furry totally sucks.)

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