Thursday, January 15, 2015

AOTW: Maroon 5 Is A Bunch Of Rude Wedding Crashers

Welcome back to The Asshole of The Week, where each Friday (sometimes Thursday) we single out one person, place, or thing from the week that is the absolute worst.  This week we have some perfectly good weddings being ruined by an egomaniacal bunch of fuccbois: Maroon 5

Just in case you are not familiar with Maroon 5, they are a band.  A shitty band, that makes music so forgettable that in 15 years, when their egomaniac singer Adam Levine is old and therefore not desired by society anymore, will be as forgotten as the solo career of JC Chasez.

JT deaded this poor bastard quick.
(As a fun aside here, go do a Google Image search of "JC Chasez."  It's like the place where every embarrassing 90's fashion trend went to die.  It will make your day.)

However, Maroon 5 is the worst kind of shitty band, they are a band that think they are important.  So important, that they should make a music video of themselves "crashing as many weddings" as they can, like people would enjoy that on their wedding day.  No.

Let's say that John Lennon and George Harrison rose from the dead and teamed up with their two living pals only to come crash your wedding for an impromptu jam session, that would be acceptable.  Having a tattooed, television show host who has used enough hair gel to choke a dozen donkeys saunter into your precious nuptials like he is a musical gift to the universe...not as good.


When Bill Murray recently crashed a wedding everyone loved it because:

  1. He is mother fucking Bill Murray
  2. He was doing it because it was funny to him, not to shoot a music video to promote his product.
  3. People like Bill Murray because he is talented

If Maroon 5 shows up at your wedding, don't let them in.  Being able to do The Chicken Dance with your new husband/wife will be infinitely more interesting than having to hear "Moves Like Jagger" for the 175th time.

Here's the video, probably should watch it on mute.  Preferably with one of those little stress dolls you can squeeze:

Here's a fun thought about the state of music today.  Wouldn't it be funny if just the band of Maroon 5 showed up, and nobody had any clue who they were?  I wonder how many weddings they would crash like that?

Anyway, Maroon 5 sucks, and now there are couples who will in the future think it is a cool thing to brag to their friends about how Adam Levine "totally crashed our wedding and it was like so sweet."  When really their friends will be secretly judging them very hard, and reevaluating in their heads whether or not these people, who are Maroon 5 fans, are worth being friends with.

So congratulations Maroon 5, you are a stupid band of egomaniacs who probably in the future will cost people good friends due to your actions.  You are also the AOTW, especially so for making me break my unwritten rule of never featuring one of your music videos on this blog.  So fuck you extra for that.

Supplemental AOTW for the couples in the video fawning over the band like '94 era Boyz II Men just showed up.  My only explanation for this is that it either was staged, fake, these people are so out of it for this being the day they have to give their life to another person that they are so happy to have even a moment of distraction from a B list celebrity, or these people are obviously Maroon 5 fans and thus should not be allowed to marry lest more Maroon 5 fans be conceived in their union.

See you next week.

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