Thursday, January 29, 2015

AOTW: Do Not Call 911 Over Facebook

Welcome back to The Asshole of The Week, where each Friday (and sometimes Thursday) we highlight a person(s), place, or thing from the week that is the absolute worst.  Oh boy, do we have a doozy this week everyone.

Facebook, whether you love or hate it, you probably use it every single day. It is ubiquitous, and has for some become the de facto place for social interaction, or social diarrhea of the brain.  A part of this is based on it's dependability.  Facebook rarely, if ever, goes down.

However, when it does, like this past Monday, people lose their fucking minds.  Well, dumbasses do.

CBS San Francisco report(s) that shortly after the service stopped working, not one, not two, but FIVE PEOPLE called 911.  Gonna write that previous sentence again, in bold italics this time for emphasis.

CBS San Francisco report(s) that shortly after the service stopped working, not one, not two, but FIVE PEOPLE called 911. 

Do I really need to tell you why this is a bad idea?!

Here's the thing, you call 911 when your house has a large amount of fire inside of it.  You call 911 when someone is trying to murder your person.  You call 911 when people around you who were previously living life well all of a sudden appear to not be alive anymore.  That's what 911 is for.  You call a person and tell them what terrible thing has befallen you, and put your or someone else's life in jeopardy and they send the appropriate people who will (hopefully) take your or someone else's life out of danger for you.  This means police, firemen, paramedics.  911 is not an employer of computer science degree holders.    

"Our lines are [sic] dedicated to handle life and death calls, and even though Facebook is important to a lot of people, it's not a matter of life and death when it stops working," a dispatcher told CBS (via Boing Boing). "One caller even called back to tell me I was being rude because I told her it wasn't a life threatening emergency."

Now, I am not one to usually go with a snarky response to situations like this.  However, in this situation, and after reading the quote above, I feel one is screaming to be employed.  This should be our new rule as a nation:  Go ahead and call 911 when Facebook is down,  call when dog won't stop drinking the toilet water, call when your Subway sandwich is incorrectly put together.

However, there will now be a rule.  If you call with is what is deemed to be a non-emergency, which, let's be honest, is pretty easy to decide then that's it for you for a year.  For one calendar year thereafter, no 911 call will be accepted from your phone.  Go ahead, call when you forgot your wallet at work, but know that if you happen to have a heart attack the next week, you my friend are SOL.

This will either weed out some people who shouldn't be here anyway, or make people question if their clogged toilet really is a police matter.

Anyway, whoever you are five people who called 911 over Facebook being shutdown, you are all the worst assholes and thus The Asshole(s) of The Week.  Congratulations, you fucking idiots.

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