Fuck what you heard! USA is in the house!
No thanks to me by the way. You see, last Funday, I took the easy way out. I clowned on the USA soccer team, because it was easy. But now I have been shamed, because turns out, they were so good that even when they got beat by Germany, they still move on...because soccer rules. Or should I say socccer RULEZZZ! Well, also with a little help from this dude too:
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'ppreciate it brah. |
Now, this upcoming Tuesday, we have the chance to lay a smackdown on Belgium, which everybody knows is the armpit of Europe. The timing couldn't be more perfect either, because the most America of holidays, (besides Thanksgiving) The Fourth, is right around the corner. So if we win, it will be socially acceptable to wear ridiculous red, white, and blue outfits from Tuesday through Saturday without being judged by anyone.
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Preferably something like this. |
That is not only an added freedom of not having to worry about what you are wearing, but also saves on laundry. So, its a win-win.
So get your best U-S-A chant on deck, buy some fireworks, and go punch a Belgian, it's
our time to show the world that North America is good at everything, if you give us enough time.
USA!
Sounds
Diplo, Steve Aoki, & Deorro (NSFW-ish)
The stance on this blog regarding Diplo: IT IS VERY PRO DIPLO. That's why it was exciting to hear that the aforementioned producer/Riff Raff supporter/guy who makes you shake your butt would be doing a new compilation called Random White Dude Be Everywhere (Diplo is also good at naming things). The first single is a straight electro banger with a couple notable guests. As for the video, a fun bit of subversion that is more than a little predictable. There's no nudity, but it is not something you would want your boss to notice over your shoulder, you've been warned.
Lil Herb
It has been over a year now since Chicago was put on the radar of the rap world in a big way thanks to one dreadlocked youth who you have probably heard of. Since then the city has been churning out exciting and energetic new artists, almost as if the many youths who are forced to live in such a dangerous place finally found their way out. Oh, and they also happen to be talented as hell, like Lil Herb, one of the new class of Chi-raq, who earlier this year put out one of the best mixtapes so far in 2014 called Welcome to Fazoland (download it, now). Here he is with a chorus free video to let you know that he can rap, just in case you didn't know/forgot.
Pink Mountaintops
This is a video about punks doing rad stuff, so naturally it makes the cut. However, the real reason for inclusion can be summed up in two words: Flaming skateboard. Sure there is a good song, and also a semblance of plot, but you get to see someone grind and leave a trail of flames behind him. So, this was a no-brainer.
Riff Raff
Just in case your life sucks and you didn't know, the debut album from the Dean of the Triple Beam, the Magna Cum Laude of Versace Junior College, Jody Highroller, was blessed on us all in a magical Gucci release last week. It is ridiculous, and is doing well sales wise, which means I don't have to worry about my favorite person on the internet going anywhere. Now, Riff knows you may have missed the release, it's cool, you might have been busy. So to make sure you get it, he released an video for the album's ridiculous intro. Although it does not include the hilarious skit that precedes it (you'll have to get the album for that) it does feature both a Bill Cosby and Julia Styles reference in the first 45 seconds. It has been a good week.
Sights
Use Math To Choose A Toilet
It is summer, which means if you decide to leave the safety for your house, odds are it might be to go to a festival type of atmosphere. Subsequently, if you do this, the beer and terrible food you consume will necessitate a trip to the dreaded portable toilet. However, do not fear, because if you but harness the power of mathematics, you can ensure your pooping is done in relative comfort. Trust me, your dignity will thank you.
Simultaneous Transformers
Speaking of summer, that means that it is the time of the year where Hollywood asshole Michael Bay shits out another 2 hours of explosions and somehow calls it a movie. This time it is the fourth, fourth Transformers movie, and let me tell you something. I like a lot of dumb stuff: comics, metal, video games, sports, but even I don't like Transformers. Transformers are stupid, and cosmically so when in the hands of Bay. That's why I must give any and all props to the good men of Half in The Bag, as in preparation for the fourth film, they watch all three previous Transformers movies...simultaneously. Seriously doing god's work here.
How To Make A Hit Pop Song
Move over Jason Derulo, because Brett Domino has you figured out. Now any ol' Joe can hit the charts by simply following your style, and being able to play a few notes on an oboe of course. So when you are relaxing on your millions, don't forget to shout out Brett, because brother/sister, he made you.
The Baddest
When you are mentioned along with Spencer Haywood, while also being shouted out by Chris Mullin...that's when you know you are bad.
I Dare You To Watch This
You can't do it can you. You cannot put your phone down or keep your hands still long enough. I knew you couldn't do it. Your brain is too fucked from all this instant gratification. Don't worry, nobody expected you to do it, but if you could, you might have been able to be motivated. To take hold of your time. If only...
Well, that would be all for this week folks, but HOLD ON A SECOND, NEW BONUS FEATURE. Yes, Funday is getting a permanent addition starting this week.
Now, at the end of every installment, there will be one clip that defies classification, that further convinces you how incredible the Internet can be. I am talking about weird shit.
It will appear at the bottom of every Funday, so that you may conveniently scroll on down and get a concentrated dose of Internet to jump start your week. These clips will appear without description, without bias. Take them how you will, and by that I mean, all up in your eyeballs.
Here we go:
Bonus Clip
Now that's some good Internet. Till next week.
What did you think dear reader? Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine