Sunday, December 28, 2014

FUNDAY MUSIC EDITION: ALRIGHT I'll Do A Top 10 List

Ladies and gentlemen, it's that time of year again.  Christmas is over, and you are sufficiently materialized with gifts.  You are happy, and patiently await the next coming holiday where you will replace said gifts for booze, and then become really happy, followed by a period of intense sadness.

Hey, that's what depressants do.

Meanwhile though, you are straight chillin'.  As you relax off work you are consuming Internet content (in between bouts of watching The Interview of course) in the form of the "Top 10 List."  Those end of the year articles (dare I say...listicles...)  that every website does.  "Top 10 Celebrity Hairstyles of '14," "2014's Top Suspension Bridges," "The Ten Best Washing Machines of 2014."  It doesn't matter the website or the content, everybody does them.

That doesn't mean they aren't stupid, or that you don't just scroll down to number one and don't even read the rest of the entries.

So that's one thing you can count on...that Funday will never stoop to that level.  That we here have integrity.  That we will never succumb to the pressure that is...aw fuck it here's a Top 10 of the best music videos of the year as regarded by Funday.

Give the people what they want right?

Let's do this!

Number 10

Freeway and Girl Talk f/Waka Flocka 

The Verve's "Bittersweet Symphony" video is a straight classic.  However, it was always missing one thing.  Richard Ashcroft just bumped into people.  He never, say, smashed a wedding cake into a newlywed's face, or ripped off the arm of a random assailant and threw it to Waka Flocka Flame.  I never realized that was a problem with that video until now.






Number 9

Nicki Minaj

Sure, you all thought it was "Anaconda" didn't you. That one is on my own personal list, which shall not be disclosed to the public. No, it was and only ever could be this one simply because 2014 may have given us no greater pop-feminist image than fishnet-catsuited desert princess warrior Nicki Minaj shooting two assault rifles at once, ripping up the sand dunes.






Number 8

Haim

GOD DAMN!  I have never fell so hard in love so fast with a music video/song combo than I did with this one.  Partly it's because I want to live in the song forever.  Partly it's because I want human cloning to advance to the point where I can undergo it and then hopefully marry myself (and clones) to each wonderful woman in Haim.  Mostly it's because there is no other way to invoke instant joy than watching people who don't usually dance, dancing perfectly in a music video.






Number 7

Bobby Shmurda

Kids bunched together on street corners, throwing gang signs, rapping over stolen beats from established rappers. Nothing really new there. And yet this excessively low-budget burst of animosity was enough to get a hook-free mixtape freestyle into Billboard’s top 10 and to get major-label deals for not only Bobby Shmurda but also for Rowdy Rebel, who just dances in the background. Some of the credit goes to that great little Shmoney Dance interlude, or the hat that flies into the air and never comes back down. Mostly, though, this is raw and unvarnished charisma of the sneering teenage variety.  We always need more of that.






Number 6

Real Estate

Andy Daly playing director Tom Scharpling pitching a video crowdsourced with a treatment that could only get made with (fictional) product placement, shout outs, and celebrity cameos.  All for Funny or Die.  Clearly you realize why this one made the list.  If you don't yet though (what's wrong with you?) I have two words for you: Blood Lords.  






Number 5

Dizee Rascal

Dizzee opens the video practicing kung fu while in the Van Damme splits, and that’s somehow the most sedate part of the whole video. I don’t know why we don’t get more videos where rappers deal martial arts death to faceless opponents. It’s not like this approach has ever yielded a bad video.  I mean, it's pretty much the basis of the whole career of the entirety of the Wu-Tang Clan, and well, look at them.






Number 4

Action Bronson

From now on if somebody is so uninformed about awesome things that they feel the need to ask me why I am such a giant fan of Bronsalino, all I need to do is show them this video.  It's rare for one music video to be able to do that.  To perfectly encompass everything that makes an artist amazing, while also showcasing everything you would want to even say about them.  This one does it in spades.






Number 3

Beyonce

Bey made this one with nothing else but her closet, a GoPro, and a selfie stick.   Also, she probably did it while drunk.  Just in case you ever thought that you could ever have any talent at anything.






Number 2

Sky Ferreira 

Remember when this video was churning up controversy for using the black men in it as essentially crime props?  Then Sky went and handled that super well, and everybody realized they should focus that anger elsewhere, like to Katy Perry's cultural appropriating stupid ass?  No?  Don't remember that?  Well it happened to my favorite song of the year, thus making the video much more popular than it ever would have been.  Kind of a crappy way to gain popularity.  Anyway though, the first time I saw it I got excited, simply because it brought back dancing gangs to music videos.  Been a long time I been waiting for that to come back.






Number 1

Ariel Pink

Okay, I said the video above featured my favorite song of the year.  I lied.  This was it.  Also my favorite video.  Ariel Pink was introduced to me by this video.  Me, being me, thought it was something like The Beach Boys mixed with "Goodbye Horses", the song Buffalo Bill dances to in The Silence of The Lambs. Also, something he would probably have next up on that same mixtape while he was tucking his penis between his thighs. So immediately I was hooked.  As for the video, it tells a lovely story of human connection, while also making sure you have nightmares for the rest of your life.  Duality, it works.








Not So Secret Actual Best Video of 2014

Die Antwoord

Okay I lied again, this right here is the best video/song combo, and my favorite of the year.  Come on, could it really have been anyone else other than the dynamic duo from South Africa?  No.  No it couldn't possibly have been anyone else.  As for the trickery, I apologize.  But what's the point of doing one of these without a little subversion.  Don't you ever try to fuck me Tony.  Happy holidays!






So there you go.  You got what you wanted.

Now if you'll excuse me, I will go drown my self in booze to wash this stink of the Top 10 anything off my personage.

Funday will return in 2015 y'all biscuit-heads!

See you next year!


What did you think dear reader? Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine

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