Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Cops Deny World's Saddest Man Taco Bell

In his strangely poetic mugshot, Gabriel Harris of New Smyrna Beach, Fla., appears to be the saddest man in the world, wracked with a deep and abiding pain we can hardly begin to comprehend. But was he upset at his arrest, or at being dragged away empty-handed from Taco Bell at 3 a.m.? Either seems pretty plausible when you're drunk.

The face of a man denied a chalupa.

Harris, 33, drunkenly rode his bicycle into the Taco Bell drive-thru as the eatery was closing, and tried to put in an order.  He was refused due to their closing of said eatery.  As a drunk man needing Taco Bell,  Harris refused to leave.  Something that speaking as a man who has been drunk and needed Taco Bell before, I totally understand.  The employees did not understand.  They called the cops.

When they arrived, Harris was still sitting on his bike near the speaker. Officers claim he had a Swiss Army knife on his belt loop and grabbed the cop who tried to take it away from him. They wrestled him to the ground—which might explain the bloodied forehead in his mugshot—and charged him with resisting arrest.

Wanting Taco Bell, not a crime.  Wanting Taco Bell when drunk, also not a crime.  In fact it may even be an inevitability.  However, there is a right way and a wrong way to go about it, and punctuality is an important link in the chain of enjoying chicken quesadillas.  Not a strong suit of the drunks of the world, but something to work on.

Mr. Harris, you could learn a thing or two from Charlie Sheen.  Sure, he is hammered, but at least he brought a designated driver.

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