Isn't it fitting that one of the most American holidays filled with love, tenderness, and thanksgiving to one's fellow man is in our country followed by a day of embarrassment and shameful consumption?
America seems to think so, because it happens every year. People gather together and enjoy each other's company over a beautiful meal, then tell each other to fuck off because they don't care how drunk they are, they need a new television. That beautiful meal only become fuel for one's body so that they are adequately strong enough to wallop an elderly woman over the noggin if she takes an eye at that blender you wanted.
|I am gonna take this leg bone with me. I may need to stab someone.|
Yep, just as soon as the meal and football are over, Americans go back to wanting new stuff. Badly. So badly that they do things like this:
Here's a few more highlights:
- Police had to break up a fight over a Barbie Doll at a Burbank K-Mart
- Two women were arrested after fighting a third at an Orange County Kohls
And an Indiana man and his girlfriend spent the day in jail after mall security ejected the man for being "too rowdy." Once outside, he started fighting a man in the parking lot and when an off-duty officer told him to leave the area, he punched the cop in the jaw. Then the man called for backup: "The suspect's girlfriend then showed up and also started hitting the off-duty officer."
They were both arrested.
Look, we could go over how fucked up this all is again. How ridiculous it makes us look every year. But to be honest, you all know it.
So let's just suffice to say shame on us all again. Congratulations USA, you are most definitely The Asshole of The Week. Now everybody go sit in the corner.