Monday, October 13, 2014

Possible Ninja Turtle Attack From Sewer Ruins Rose McGowan's Meal

At about 6 p.m. Friday night, a mysterious figure emerged—Whac-A-Mole-style—from sidewalk grate on Sixth Avenue and threw two road flares into chic Village eatery Da Silvano. The burning flares immediately filled the restaurant's outdoor seating area with smoke, surprising diners that included not very good actress and former Marilyn Manson girlfriend Rose McGowan.

The ambush, which as of yet is unsolved, has the hallmarks of a C.H.U.D. attack, but witnesses at the scene offered their own theories about the identity of the bomber.  Although not one described a Ninja Turtle surprisingly.

They hated Planet Terror...


"I saw him come out," restaurant manager Anthony Curko told the New York Post, "it was like Ninja Turtles."

Well, what was it exactly?  Was it like Ninja Turtles?  Or was it actually Ninja Turtles?  An important distinction to make, particularly since the attack occurred within New York City.

Others however, jumped to equally ridiculous assumptions:

Long Island native Kay Maygothling disagreed with Curko's turtle hypothesis, telling CBS2,"First thought was ISIS with everything going on."

According to police, the suspect was wearing a baseball cap and American flag t-shirt.  Which would make him a very inept and very ironic terrorist.  Now, that said, the Ninja Turtles have been known to wear baseball caps...

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