Friday, January 31, 2014

Watch These Skydivers Save Their Unconscious Friend In Mid-Air

Skydiving, believe it or not, is usually pretty safe. Most professional skydivers jump out of a perfectly good plane thousands of times, and never have a problem.  Skydiving is safe, until it isn't, then things go bad and survivability...drops precipitously (I'll be here all week.)

Hand me a beer bro, I am about to do this!
Earlier this month it was the unlucky day of Jamie Lee, because this time his skydiving adventure was about to go south big time. However, lucky for Lee, he had some great pals that decided to jump with him that day. People whose quick thinking and teamwork

Moments after Lee jumped from the plane he collided with another skydiver and was knocked completely unconscious.  Not a good look for someone whose rapid descent to earth relies on their ability to stay awake long enough to pull a small nylon cord.

As Lee hurtled to the ground from 12,500 feet while knocked out, his colleagues noticed something was wrong. Like the fact that he was falling like a rock.  They acted quick and stabilized his body, then pulled his chute.

Lee awoke as he was gently floating to the ground, where he landed with only minor head and neck injuries, and assumedly an upcoming large bar tab. Lee had no recollection of what went down, or how close he had come to doing a Wile E. Coyote impression on the dirt.

Lee is unperturbed by his brush with death however. As a man who has made over 1000 jumps (see, told you) he isn't ready to give up yet.  Perhaps though, he should still keep his same diving buddies.  Lee to The Telegraph: 

"It hasn't put me off at all. I have not jumped too much lately because of the weather but will be back in the sport this season."

Good quote, I would have gone with, "Thank you for saving me. Again, thanks for saving me. Really, that was pretty cool."

Check out the rescue below:

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine

Some Sort of Seinfeld Reunion Is Happening Very Soon

You have wondered, you have wished, and now it is apparently happening in some way.

A few weeks ago Jerry Seinfeld and Jason Alexander were spotted filming at the now classic Seinfeld hangout spot, Tom's Restaurant, although no one could figure out why. Now we know why, if not for knowing many details, this was for a genuine Seinfeld reunion. The "one and done" kind of thing.

Like it or not, it's going down.

Appearing on WFAN's "Boomer and Carton Show" Jerry Seinfeld showed up yesterday morning to talk about sports. However, the conversation soon shifted to the photos that had been snapped of the filming, and how it pertained to the thing that Seinfeld is best known for.

Seinfeld remained vague but did offer some details:

  • The project is a secret one
  • It involves other Seinfeld characters
  • It is longer than 60 seconds, but is "short-ish"
  • It was shot at multiple locations
  • It will air "very very soon"
  • Larry David is involved but doesn't appear on camera
  • It is for sure a one and done

The hosts asked Jerry if Jason Alexander was surprised to get the call, they got the usual comedian response:

"No, he remembered that he played that character for nine years, he was not surprised that he was asked to play George."

Logic points to the most obvious of possibilities given the timeframe, that this "reunion" is in fact simply a Super Bowl commercial. Seinfeld has already appeared in one Super Bowl ad along Jay Leno, so this could be his attempt to trump that one. Or it could be a set up for Seinfeld's current Comedians in Cars web-series. When asked about these options, Seinfeld of course remained vague, first saying, "it's not," then adding, "but it's not not." Well played.

Seinfeld is keeping a busy man with his "projects." Weeks ago he teased a "big huge project" with Larry David that may or may not be a new play.

This isn't the first time the actors have revived their characters, or the first reunion either. David's

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Pittsburgh McDonalds Was Handing Out Special Happy Meals Full of Heroin

Apparently in Pittsburgh you don't need to look further than your neighborhood McDonalds if you want some heroin. You don't even have to get out of your car, it's as easy as pulling into the drive-thru and telling the person behind the box, "I'd like to order a toy."

Then it was as easy as pulling up to the window, handing over the cash, and you got your own Happy Meal box, with heroin inside.

Pittsburgh's police found out about the special menu after an informant came clean, prompting them to set up an undercover sting operation at an East Liberty McDonalds.

I specifically said heroin and chicken nuggets.  They forgot the nuggets.

After ordering the specific request, the officers gave 26-year-old Shania Dennis $82 in exchange for their Happy Meal bag that did indeed contain a toy, and also 10 stamps of heroin. According to the reports, Dennis put the $2 into the register, and the rest into her bra.

It is unclear how many undercover buys went down before they busted Dennis, on her arrest report there is only the one incident shown.

Upon her arrest, police found an additional 50 stamps of the drug on her person.

Police charged Dennis with possession, delivery, and possession with intent to deliver. She has denied her involvement with the operation.

Two weeks prior the police orchestrated a similar bust in nearby Murrysville, with another McDonalds employee. They also stand accused of putting the H into Happy Meal.

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine

Pizza Hut Manager Arrested For Spitting In Cop's Food

Yep, apparently this doesn't just happen in Casino, turns out people really do spit into cops' food. At least in Tennessee it does, where a Pizza Hut manager who recognized a police officer she did not like got herself arrested after the cop saw her spitting on his pizza.

Jonathan Rogers suspected something was wrong when he called in an order to his local Pizza Hut, and the cashier rang up his order without even asking his name.

Got a new's for a cop...
As Rogers arrived to pick up his order, he sat on the bench in the lobby. Then he started to notice that the manager was acting a little bit suspicious. That's because she was about to do something disgusting, that is also, it turns out, a very bad idea. Also, in full view of the officer.

As the defendant removed the pizza from the oven I observed her cut her eyes and look at me. The defendant then leaned over the pizza that she had began to slice and I observed her spit on the pizza which had been purchased by me.

The manager, Amanda Engle, didn't need to ask Roger's name because she recognized him. He was the guy that arrested her for a DUI last April.

Engle, pleaded guilty earlier this month to knowingly allowing her friend to drive her car while drunk. In Tennessee this counts as both a DUI for the driver, and for the owner of the vehicle. Engle spent two days in jail and paid a fine, but according to Sheriff Mike Hensley, the conviction was "fresh on her mind." Apparently so was revenge as well.

Engle will surely not forget Rogers anytime soon now, because he arrested her again. This time on misdemeanor disorderly conduct charges.

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Woman Tried To Lure Police From Traffic Stop With Fake 911 Call

Here is a simple rule to live by, that will get you out of all kinds of trouble in your life: Don't be a moron. By following this one simple rule, you can easily avoid things like jail, getting beat up, swindlers, etc. The way to follow this rule is easy as well, before you do something, ask yourself, "Is this something that if I did it, would be completely idiotic?" If the answer is yes, then don't do the thing in question.

The woman in question in this article did not follow this rule, and look where it got her. Police say that she was so desperate to get out of a traffic stop that she called in a fake report of a gunman at a convenience store across the street, in hopes that the cop who pulled her over would rush to the "scene."

I should have followed that rule. Damn.

Savana Jiminez, 22, was a passenger in her friend's car when a police officer pulled them over for a busted taillight. Then she made a bad decision.

Jiminez waited until the officer went back to his cruiser to check the driver's information, then she broke out her master plan. Jiminez called 911 to report the sighting of a fake gunman at a convenience store near the traffic stop.

It went like this:

Dispatcher: "Where's your emergency?" 
Suspect: "Yes ma'am, I just saw a guy walk out with a gun at Allsups." 
Dispatcher: "Ok. He went into the store and he was carrying a gun?" 
Suspect: "Yeah, he looked like he had one on the side and he was about to go in." 
Dispatcher: "Ok. So you never actually saw the gun you just think he had one?" 
Suspect: "Bye." 
Dispatcher: "Hello?"

The police officer, being a police officer, noticed that the three women in the car when he returned to it were acting strangely, fidgeting in their seats. Roswell police spokeswoman Sabrina Morales describing the incident to KRQE:

"The officer noticed that these three females in the vehicle were fidgety, acting kind of nervous and he saw one of them with a cellphone on her lap."

The officer, once again being trained to put two and two together, upon noticing the phone radioed the 911 dispatcher and asked them to trace the call back to the original phone. Sure enough, Jiminez's phone lit up like a Christmas tree, despite her trying to hide it, the jig was up.

Why did she do it?

Jiminez thought that she had warrants out for her arrest, which she didn't. Except now she has warrants out for her arrest, thanks to her quick thinking. She was arrested and charged with obstruction.

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Shark Attack Victim Knifes Shark, Stitches Himself, Goes For Beer

Quickly, after reading the headline above, where do you think the man who was involved was from? Did you guess Australia/New Zealand? Bingo! Face it people, they are just more tough than the rest of us, as you will read below.

This past Saturday, doctor and resident New Zealander James Grant was attacked by a large shark. After successfully fighting it off and stabbing it with his knife, he realized that he had suffered a large bite to his leg. He then did what anyone (from New Zealand) would do, he swam to shore, stitched himself up, and had a beer at the bar before going to the hospital.

The shark then died after biting such a tough guy.

Grant was spearfishing in six feet of water when the sevengill shark bit into his leg. At first, he thought it was a friend pulling a prank, because apparently a New Zealand prank often feels like a shark biting your leg. Realizing that the "friend" was instead a shark going to town on his leg, he pulled out his knife and stabbed at it. Grant talking to Radio New Zealand:

"I looked behind to see who it was and got a bit of a shock. [I thought] bugger, now I have to try and get this thing off my leg. I am not sure how effective it was. I guess it let go so something must have happened, put a few nicks in it."

The shark swam away, and so did Grant, returning to the shore where he took off his wetsuit. He saw that a row of the shark's teeth had pierced his leg, wounds that would have been worse if he hadn't been wearing the 7mm wetsuit. He tried to wave his friends to the shore, but they thought he was joking.

One of his "friends" talking to Radio New Zealand:

"I thought surely he hasn't been bitten, there's no way he has been bitten, he's got to be taking the piss."

So Grant, wounded seriously and abandoned by his worthless friends, had to take action. Using the thread and needle from his first aid kit, which he keeps for his hunting dogs, he sewed up his wounds and walked to a nearby bar. There he was given an bandage and a beer, and hopefully a pat on the back.

Soon after he was taken to Southland Hospital, where he works, so his wounds could be properly cleaned and stitched. Grant is anxious to get back to fishing:

"When the stitches come out, I will be back in the water."

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine

Man Runs Into Burning House To Save Xbox

File this one under "dumb things people do in/around fire." Now let's see, if you realized that your house was on fire, what would you save? What would you run back in to save, after you already got to safety. Photos? Come on, it's 2014, those are all online! Pets? Pets can usually get the hell out on their own. One man from Olathe, Kansas knew what was most important to him, as he ran back into his burning house to save his Xbox.

Quit looking at it and do something! I hate this game.
The Daily Dot has reported that the as of now unnamed man awoke during the night and realized that his house was on fire. So he did what most people would do in that situation, got the hell out of the place as fast as he could. Once outside, he again realized that all his things were still in there, things he enjoyed. Chiefly, Microsoft's brand of video game console. (Although it is still unclear whether the Xbox in question was a 360, a new Xbox One, or even the original Xbox. This is vital information to me determining the level of stupid this man was. 360 or original? Let it burn? Xbox One, save that thing!)

So, after realizing he would need something to do after all of his other things were burnt to a crisp, the man just as quickly ran back into the burning house to save the console.

Luckily, only moments later, he emerged with the Xbox under his arm and only a little bit of smoke inhalation as the cost of his actions. The fire ended up causing $80,000 in damages, but it could have been $80,500 if not for the quick thinking of the man. I wonder if he got the cables too? If so, well done.

The cause of the fire is yet to be determined, though apparently had something to do "with and electrical junction box."

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine

Monday, January 27, 2014

'Wonderful' Smelling Truck Fire Burns 76,000 Pounds of Ribs

Don't tell Homer Simpson, his heart may just not be able to handle it.

On Saturday, a truck carrying 76,000 pounds of beef ribs caught fire in southern California on the highway, slowing traffic for nearly two hours.

Just look away!
The truck's rear wheels ignited around 6 pm on Saturday according to the San Bernadino County Fire Department.  Two hours and nearly 6,500 gallons of water later, the world's most delicious fire was eventually extinguished. But not before the authorities had to shut down Interstate 40 in both directions.

Despite the fire completely engulfing the truck before the firefighters arrived, no one was injured in the blaze. This is not counting of course the loss to everyone's taste buds, which were drastically affected by the loss of so much delicious meat.

RIP you ribs.

Also the meat was not entirely wasted. Al Franko, the fire department's spokesperson noted that the burning truck had a "wonderful BBQ beef rib odor to it."

Damn shame.

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine

The 56th Grammy Awards Proved Once Again It's The Worst Award Show

Woo! The 56th annual Grammy Awards happened last night! Once again rich and famous people took to the stage to give out golden awards to other rich and famous people. Many things happened last night, and most of them continued to be ridiculous in only the wonderfully weird Grammy way. Most of all though, the Grammys continued to be the one constant in the award show season, you can always count on them to be the absolute worst.

Many things happened in the three plus hours of awards show programming. Awards were awarded, people were snubbed, Pharrell wore a hat, and Taylor Swift awkwardly danced to every song.

Wouldn't be an awards show without that.

Let's get to recapping!

Well the award that the most people care about ended up going to Daft Punk, who won album of the year along with some other awards. Despite the fact that most fans of Daft Punk did not enjoy their album, and that Kendrick Lamar, the person who actually did make the Album of The Year, was also nominated. Also, watching two people take the stage numerous times dressed in robot helmets, and refusing to speak, despite the fact that they are clearly not robots, was some sort of wonderful comic moment I wouldn't pass up for the world.

Hey, it's the Grammys though, they don't give awards, or even nominations to the best music, but the best popular music. Sometimes they even break that rule, as was the case with Daft Punk. Also to note, one of the nominees for Album of The Year was Sarah Bareilles, remember her? No? Me neither.

Forget the awards though, because the Grammys are about the performances, and boy did this year have some! Twenty one in total, and guess what, not all of them sucked! This year was all about duos and mashups, like that was some sort of new idea. Which generally led to some interesting and often just plain strange matchups, looking at you Pink and Fun. However, some of them actually were pretty great. Beyonce opened the show with Jay Z and killed it. Daft Punk performed with Stevie Wonder and also killed it. The Highwaymen (Willie Nelson, Merle Haggard, and Kris Kristofferson) did their damn thing, and Kendrick Lamar and Imagine Dragons proved they both deserved at least one Grammy (which they didn't get.)

The performance/spectacle that everyone will be talking about however was the part where Macklemore, the often corny, always ingratiating, put on his white knight armor once again and saved gay marriage once and for all!

Whew! Thanks two straight white guys, thought that whole gay marriage thing was gonna be trouble!

Macklemore and his buddy Ryan Lewis performed their well intentioned but misguided hit "Same Love" which featured a pair of notable "surprises" that weren't surprising because before the commercial break the announcer made sure to tell you to stick around for them. They were:

  1. The ever aging Madonna showed up halfway through, for apparently no reason, to sing the chorus.
  2. Queen Latifah married 33 gay and straight couples in the middle of the song.

Pretty sure the Grammys were going for a touching moment here, either that or a fever dream scenario. If it was the latter they were aiming for, then they nailed it!  Here's the thing, touching moments, more often than not, are touching because they aren't manufactured.

Despite being the biggest cheeseball of the night, Macklemore took home almost ever rap category Grammy, because of course he did. He netted Best Rap Song, Best Rap Album, Best Rap Performance, beating out the likes of Kendrick Lamar, Jay Z, and Kanye. Not saying here that if you think he should have won these you are wrong, all I am saying is that you should go listen to Good Kid MAAD City again, and then realize you are wrong.

Here are some other winners: Lorde took home two awards including Song of The Year (can't fault you there Grammys) Daft Punk won four including Album and Record of The Year, and Justin Timberlake got three awards.

The big losers? Well naturally, Kendrick who was nominated 7 times yet netted zero awards. Also Drake and Taylor Swift struck out with five and four nominations respectively, and nothing to show for it. Don't worry though, they are all still rich, still famous, and their music, if you enjoy it, is still good.

I leave you with a shot of Pharrell and his hat.

"You see Ryan, I am going to be the next Arby's mascot."

Till next year folks!

BONUS: Pharrell hat pick:

Had to. I just had to.

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Funday Grammys Music Edition: You Better Check Yourself, And These Tunes

Yeah! It is time once again folks. Time for another Funday, and this Funday is a special one for this blog, because it is the Funday of the Grammy Awards. So while you are kicking back and enjoying this lovingly put together compilation of the best stuff online from the past week. Odds are this author will be yelling at the television that the wrong rich and famous person got an award for Best Vocal Pop Performance.

Look, I know the Grammys aren't really with the times, and that they consistently fail to even recognize huge artists that deserve nominations based on their experimentation and evolution (looking at the Yeezus snub Grammys, for shame!) That doesn't mean that even though I know what's coming that I won't be heartbroken when Sara Bareilles wins Album of the Year over Kendrick Lamar.

Maybe I should just give into the defining quality of my generation, and let apathy roll over me with it's warm embrace. Screw it, maybe I will get lucky and Katy Perry will wear another dress like this:

Boobs will soothe me.
What can I say, I am a simple man. So sue me.

Lucky for all of us though, just because the Grammys suck doesn't change the fact that rad music still continues to come out everyday from people who couldn't give a fuck about getting a gold statue of a phonogram. So in that notion, let's celebrate with a special all musical edition of Funday, shall we?

Let's get into it.



One of my favorite Beck albums is still the overly melancholy version we got on Sea Change. It was so vulnerable, so stripped, so unlike what I had expected. When I heard this new song from the straight up legend, it instantly took me back to listening to that sad sack album and how I felt. While this isn't all the way back to that vibe, it's too sweeping and not cold enough, it surprised me. That after such a long wait, this is what we are gonna get. I should have known though after listening to Beck for so long, his stuff is like the audio version of a Cohen brothers movie. You never know what to expect, but you always get more than you bargained for.

Disclosure f/ Mary J Blige

Yes, you are reading that title right. There is a collabo between the arguably current kings of house and the Queen of Hip Hop Soul Mary J. This is music fan dream type of stuff right here, this is Eminem and Jay Z, Dave Grohl and Lemmy from Motorhead type of stuff. Also, now I am completely and utterly convinced that Disclosure have somehow invented a time machine and come to our 2014 from their version of the 90's where the House music was booming and groups like C&C Music Factory ruled the charts. This collaboration is my proof, at least they are using their harnessing of time well.

Black Lips

This band smacked me in the face the first time I saw them open at a show, and I have never looked back. Their latest video features direction from the ATL Twins, who also star in the video. So naturally I had to include this one. Don't know who the ATL Twins are? You aren't Internetting right kid, they are basically our own Southern American version of Die Antwoord, minus the music. So there you go.

No Age

Sometimes when you create a band, you pull together 12 people who play a variety of instruments including violin, hurdy-gurdy, and cello, and call yourself Electric Light Orchestra. Then you proceed to blow everyone's mind for all time. Other times, when you make a band, you get a drummer and a guitar player, and then at the last minute, make the drummer sing. This is how you get No Age, but it doesn't mean that they don't kill it just as big as ELO. This is the beauty of music people, no matter how you make it, it can always be rad. Case in point, watch them shred the Letterman stage in this uncommon for Funday live clip.


God, this song. I want to live inside of it. I want it to wrap me in it's embrace and fly away into the cold night sky. It is so rare that you get something like this, a song that is equally at home diving into with a good pair of headphones alone at home, or fucking going nuts to on some beer slicked dance floor in a venue that is supposed to fit 50 but somehow has squeezed 100 into. This band, look out for them 2014 people.


Part Chris Isaak's Wicked Games, part Albert Camus' The Stranger, all punk. This striking video matches up pretty well to one of the most striking bands to hit the "punk" scene in a long time. Rad.

Future Islands

A lovingly photographed, empathetic look at an entire way of life that many Americans idealize, but most couldn't begin to identify with. A video that blends itself perfectly with the indie band's slow rolling triumph. Also, when is the last time you saw someone praying in an Indie rock video? Points for originality on that front.


All I am saying is, if you are gonna spend your time in a room with a flailing, demonstrative modern-dance rollerskating person, you might want to rethink your jewelry choices. Just an idea, call it food for thought.

Young & Sick

Usually when you start to describe a band with the words "LA based art project" I am at once out of there. However, when people construct such songs with grace and crystalline purity, I cannot help but check it out. The whole notion of this song itself is the "take a little time to smell the roses" cliche, but it works, because unlike so many things in our dejected cynical world, it is earnest. That's about all you could hope for.

That's all folks, Funday like always will be back next week for a Super Bowl Funday Edition. Whatever that means to me when I am typing it on Saturday night/Sunday morning. Until then I urge you to join me in watching the Grammys and yelling at your television more than you do on a football day. That's what I will be doing.

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine

Friday, January 24, 2014

Watch Out California, Bears Are Wondering Around The South

The drought that is currently turning Southern California into a bucket of extra dry bone meal is also coming with some other rather unsavory side effects. For instance, your lawn may turn brown, anytime/anywhere the dried remains of the foliage could burst into flames, and also there are bears. They are apparently everywhere, and not this kind:

Way less dangerous, but perhaps way more hairy.
 But this kind:

Okay, maybe more hairy, but definitely more dangerous.
Yes, bears are on the move, like the Brown Bear pictured above, which is pictured running around a Pasadena neighborhood. Probably poking through backyards and eyeing neighborhood pets with a more than nefarious set of eyes.

According to KTLA 5, residents should stay inside (and probably keep their pets inside as well, well unless you have a tiger for a pet) while animal control officers so often the low man on the law enforcement totem, finally get their time to shine. They are laying down the man vs. animal law, and tweeting about it simultaneously:

One of our Animal Control Officers is on scene of #bear sighting in #Pasadena. Please stay inside.
— Pasadena Humane Soc. (@PHS_SPCA) January 24, 2014

It is not clear if there are just more bears awake and out from their hibernation naps this year, or whether the drought has caused them to move further in search of food.

Either way, these suckers appear to be everywhere, stay inside.

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine

Abandoned Cruise Ship Full of Cannibal Rats Is Headed For Land

First we get crack smoking, Jamaican patois blubbering mayors, then DUI committing teen pop idols, and now we have a cruise ship full of rats on a cannibal pleasure cruise. Forget Obama, thanks a lot Canada, your news is bubbling over into ours, and this is the final straw.

A ghost ship that is filled with cannibal rats is floating somewhere off the coast of Scotland, poised to crash into land and unleash it's plague filled crew. All because Canadian authorities let this Soviet nightmare ship loose in the North Atlantic, once they recognized it was no longer a threat to Canada.

So...what are we gonna do with that ship? Fuck it, let it loose.
It has been nearly a year since the floating biohazard was intentionally "lost at sea" by Canadian authorities, who were happy to simply make it some other countries problem eventually. By now, officials say that the roughly "hundreds" of rats on board have by now began eating each other.

Cue the Skyfall scene:

Canada's extra special middle finger for no reason gift is expected to crash ashore in either Ireland or the United Kingdom, dumping the ship's cargo of vermin all over the shores of the unlucky winner. Time to start coming up with a modern day St. Patrick, only this time who specializes in the more furry kind of menace.

The ship itself, the Lyubov Orlova, was built in Soviet era 1976 and named after a famous Russian actress of the period. It's original intent was to treat important communist figures with pleasure cruises to the Antarctic and the Arctic Circle.

However in 2010 the now privately owned ship was seized as part of a debt collection by Canadian police and anchored off the coast of St. John's, the provincial capital of Newfoundland. Sold for scrap in 2012, the ship was lost at sea only a day after being towed out. When Canadian authorities found it, they decided to leave it there.

Somehow also, in the age of GPS and satellite maps, the maritime officials in Ireland and Scotland have  lost track of the Lyubov Orlova. They haven't heard from the ship since March of last year, when an emergency signal from the vessel placed it 700 miles off the coast of County Kerry, Ireland. It was spotted by radar operators a short time later, but attempts from search pilots to locate the ship have been failures.

The Independent reports that the ship still may be afloat, as there are lifeboats aboard that emit distress signals when they hit the water, and so far only two have done so. Likely shaken free as the rudderless ship has been no doubt repeatedly pounded by the North Atlantic ocean. Either that or the rats have become super intelligent and finally realized that they need to get the hell out of there.

If the ship is spotted before a big storm slams it against the coast, Coast Guard crews, or the closest scrap haulers will have to board the ship. It won't be pretty though as one Belgian scrapper talking to The Sun describes:

"There will be a lot of rats and they eat each other. If I get aboard I'll have to lace everywhere with poison."

Thanks Canada.

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Watch Arnold Schwarzenegger Go Undercover As A Gold's Gym Employee

How would you feel if the day you decided to finally quit putting things off and get your ass on down to Gold's Gym, you ended up meeting Arnold? Well not in the way you may think, but still, that Arnold, however instead of looking like this:

Oh, you work out at Gold's too? Huh.
He looked something like this:

Don't care, still got to meet the Terminator.
So what was Arnie doing there, other than doing his best Danny Trejo impression? The man who single handedly beat the Predator donned his Gold's Gym hat and tee, complete with new identity nametag of "Howard" to help promote his recent campaign for after-school fitness.

Stating that he "wanted to have a little fun and raise money for a good cause," the disguised film icon spends his time undercover by screwing with the clientele.

The video is particularly funny, because each person "Howard" communicates with is clearly wrestling with their brain over how they know this person. Of course, Arnold doesn't give them an inch. For instance:

"You look so familiar to me," one woman at the Gold's Gym in Venice, California told him. "Maybe you've seen me on an FBI Most Wanted list," he said back.

Check out the video below:

If Gold's Gym doesn't already have a shirt with Arnold's face that says, "This is Gold's Gym, this is not a baby gym!" -then they clearly hate making money.

Put me down for 100.

 Now only if we knew what the hell those beer commercials are about.

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Jonah Hill Was Paid 'Minimum Wage' For The Wolf of Wallstreet Role

Jonah Hill was so desperate to work for Scorcese on his latest film, The Wolf of Wallstreet, that he would have done anything. This includes working for the SAG minimums, essentially a "league minimum" salary. In a film that was pushing a budget of $100 million, Hill revealed Tuesday that he did the film for around $60,000, but he also got an Oscar nomination out of it.

Regular people cannot blame you dude, you got paid to be in a Scorcese movie? That's a win.

While making an appearance on The Howard Stern Show, Hill shared the details of his discount rate:

"They gave me the lowest amount of money possible, that was their offer," he told Stern. "I said, 'I will sign the paper tonight. Fax me the papers tonight.' I want to sign them tonight before they change their mind. I said I want to sign them before I go to sleep tonight so they legally can't change their mind."

According to Hill, the Screen Actor's Guild minimum for the 7 month shoot was "something like $60,000 before commission and taxes." Hill says that there is no way looking back that he regrets making the move:

"I would sell my house and give him all my money to work for [Scorsese] . . . I would have done anything in the world. I would do it again in a second."

It's good for Hill to be in such a position, where he can afford to take that kind of salary, one which most people are happy making all year, to be in a Scorcese film. That being said, how refreshing is it to hear of an actor that puts privilege on work over cash. Further proof that Hill is "one of the good ones" when it comes to down to earth, regular people Hollywood actors:

"It's not about money for me. None of this shit is about money," he said. "I got to fucking be in a Martin Scorsese movie."


What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine

Suspect Shares Police Facebook Status About Him And Is Quickly Arrested

If you are criminal, do not use social networks. It is never a good idea. Unless your goal is to help the police do their job much easier. That is exactly what happened earlier this week, when police got a lucky break when an accused criminal accidentally shared the department's Facebook post about his fugitive status. Police arrested the man less than an hour later.

Just because it has your picture on it, that doesn't mean you should share it.

Police in Freeland. Pennsylvania had been looking for Anthony James Lescowitch since July 14, when he allegedly committed several crimes. This past Monday, the police department published the following picture to their Facebook page:

Then, for some reason that is beyond the grasp of ordinary human thinking minds, Lescowith himself then shared the status on his own Facebook page. The police, being police, noticed this. They then quickly developed a trap for the man, odds are they didn't think it would be too hard to catch this mastermind. It wasn't. From USA Today:

An officer pretending to be an attractive woman then messaged Lescowitch, according to police. Lescowitch refused the offer of a drink but eventually agreed to meet for a cigarette, and was arrested at the agreed-upon location.

Not long after the successful arrest, the police department, not one to be left out on the social networking game, updated their status:

As of yesterday, Lescowith remains in jail. He faces a preliminary January 29 hearing on charges which include aggravated assault, disorderly conduct, and reckless endangerment.

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Internet Delivers For Uninsured Skydiver Who Survived 12,000 Foot Fall

Last week, somehow, a man survived a 12,000 foot fall right into a parked van. This isn't one of those, but he was miraculously uninjured stories though, this guy got hurt. Very badly injured to the tune of $33,000 worth of emergency transport and surgery, which quickly put him into serious debt.

Sorry about your van, man.

Thankfully though, the Internet once again assumed the role of generous benefactor, and funded the man back to health. People online raised nearly $50,000 for the man and his family to pay for surgeries and follow up care.

Ben Cornick, a skydiver who has made over 1,000 jumps, lost controll of his chute as he attempted a jump in Fiji last week. Eventually, he crashed into a van at over 40 mph. Because Cornick turned out to be uninsured, he was forced to pay the $33,000 most of which went into the emergency flight to New Zealand, before the doctors could operate on him.

Cornick, who recently became a father, took to the Internet with his family to ask for help. His friends and family set up a donations page on Facebook asking for any help against their sizable medical bills. Within mere days they had raised the money and then some, with donations expected to top out around $82,000.

Cornick is currently in good spirits, after his surgeries were a success. Despite this, he will still be in the hospital for another 3 weeks.

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine

Detroit Is Still Bankrupt, But That Doesn't Mean Their RoboCop Statue Isn't Happening

Detroit is a city in trouble. Big trouble, the kind of bankruptcy trouble where it almost lost all it's fine art, and needs to pretty much beg people to live there. The people of Detroit need some hope, they need a hero.

Or perhaps a statue of a fake hero that is from a movie based in an equally shitty Detroit that is as big as Michelangelo's David, but way cooler.

Dead or alive, your city is broke.

RoboCop, like almost any idea these days, is due for a movie reboot, just in time to throw some publicity on over to Detroit's Venus Bronze Works, who are working on the mold for the city's 10 foot tall monument to the half human cyborg policeman.

According to the Freep:

"The most important part is now," Giorgio Gikas of Venus Bronze Works in Detroit, a noted artist and sculpture restorer, said Saturday. 
A small team overseen by Gikas will make sand molds of about 15 large foam pieces — each about 2 to 4 feet in length — that make up RoboCop.

They continue work on the statue, although the city hasn't said yes to it yet. Probably because they have a few other things to do, like keep the city being a city. In 2011, Mayor Dave Bing called the project "silly" and the people who backed the construction of the thing, by Kickstarter no less, are still trying to find somewhere to put the thing.

For now the statue continues to be built, as it has already been funded to the tune of 67 grand, because while people don't have money to give to the people of Detroit, they have it in great supply to build a meaningless statue.

Just in case they cannot find anywhere to put the thing, and need to sell it off at a discount, I officially extend my offer:


What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine

Monday, January 20, 2014

Jim Harbaugh I'm Gonna Let You Finish, But Richard Sherman Just Gave The Best Post Game Interview Of All Time

Last night the people of the football fandom world were treated to a real event. It was championship Sunday, where at the end of the night we would get to finally see, after countless hours of speculation and boring analysis, which two teams had the guff to make the Superbowl.

Displays of skill were in boundless supply as first the Denver Broncos and their respective G.O.A.T. QB took on the perennial Tom Brady, and denied him his sixth shot at a ring in the AFC game. However, it wasn't until the second game of the evening, when things got really great.

More specifically at the end of the game, where the Seattle Seahawks held on to best their heated rival San Francisco 49ers. Which brought a long season for both teams to a close, and led to the various post-game press conferences and resident madman Jim Harbaugh Ernest Hemingway quotes.

Tensions were high in the entirety of the playtime, which continued right down to the final play where star receiver for the 49ers Michael Crabtree was set in the endzone to score and win the game by one point. Only he had to get past Seahawks Corner Richard Sherman, a name that after last night is probably now the name of your favorite player.

You'll be seeing him in the Superbowl.

Sherman was responsible for breaking up the play, and causing his teammate to intercept the ball, thereby ending the game. So naturally, he would be the first one interviewed post-game by Fox's Erin Andrews. Ahh, the post-game interview, 99/100 times, the most boring, redundant, let's ask meaningless questions that always get the worst answers. 99/100 times that is how things play out, that is, until you get the one time where Richard Sherman caused the play that sent his team to the Superbowl. You see, Sherman doesn't like Crabtree much, and he has something to say about himself.

Here it is in all it's glory:

Well, there's even more good news for Sherman, if his career ends early in the NFL he will have a pretty much sure spot in the WWE. As long as he can continue to cut promos like the one above. Don't believe it? Compare that to this:

Or this:

I already know his name too, Sherminator. See you at the Superbowl!

Oh, and just in case you wanted to read up on your new favorite player, Deadspin has a great guide to number 25. Turns out, he actually is the best corner in the league.

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Funday: It's Time For Football, But There Are Still Internet Videos Too

It's Funday, and it happens to be American football champions weekend! That means you are probably not reading this sentence right now. As you are either consuming some sort of terrible but delicious food whilst yelling at a TV, or preparing some sort of terrible but delicious food to eat when you very soon will be yelling at a TV.

After all, it does take some preparation to even get dressed for this day, it's understandable that you may be busy.

This barrel is a little more snug than I remember...

I don't blame you though, it's okay. Funday will be here for you afterwards, either to help you through a disappointing result, or to further fuel your wonderful sense of triumph.

Either way, let's get started.



If you do enough of these Funday things, (and I do my thang) then you start to notice trends in the kind of things you start to post. I have so far, proudly only noticed one so far: I almost always feature a new song by Diplo or Diplo by way of Major Lazer. Why has this become a trend? All I can give for an answer are that his songs are usually full of energy and vibrant. Also, the same can be said for the music videos that accompany these songs. After all, it is called Funday, not Boring Lamesauce Day Article.


People like to compartmentalize things, and that's okay. It is in our nature, and it is how we use our brains to take in a store the massive amount of information we receive on the daily. One of the things people compartmentalize with regards to music is the current 2014 Chicago rap scene. Most rappers out of the white hot Windy City scene seemingly fall into one of two categories. Either they are disciples of Drill, rapping exclusively about the street lifestyle like Chief Keef, King Louie, and Lil Durk. Or they are put into the more cerebral zone occupied by standouts like Chance The Rapper and Vic Mensa. However, like most things we boil down, Chicago cannot be confined as a duality, and that is because of people like Tree.


Shout out to Pypar from Game of Thrones playing a fry cook in this one. Also, big shout out to tiny acts of kindness shared between coworkers in a terrible job environment. As someone who has had his share of shitty jobs, this one spoke to me.

Schoolboy Q

If/when I ever get a substantial budget to shoot my own rap music video, the first thing I would do is sit down and marinate over all the cool concepts and unique visual influences I have taken not of over the year. Then I would probably give up on all that and make a video just like this one, sexy women, exotic locale, done. If I ever got to make a second rap music video though...

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr.

Two things you need to know about this video. One is that it premiered on Buzzfeed. The second is that it is of all this week's selections, the most GIFable by far. Get to work Internet peoples of the world. I want a working GIF of that dog wearing a gold chain on my desk Monday morning.


The Lighter Side of Rallying

Rally racing isn't all wearing cool sunglasses and popping magnum champagne bottles, sometimes things go wrong. Like in this onboard classic of a video where rally driver Samir Thapar is having more than a little trouble following the directions of Vivek Ponusammy, his co-driver. The result, pure entertainment as Vivek becomes more and more exasperated with "Sammy." 

Honest Beer Commercial

It's true, it's all so true. If you buy beer by the case, you aren't looking for taste. You want that other something, that this "commercial" pulls no punches about.

Old Vs. New Car Crash

Next time you get into your 5 year old car, just be thankful that you don't live in 1959, because if you drove back then like you do now, you would be dead. DEAD. Also, if you are currently a person with a few speeding tickets and are also in the market for a classic car, maybe you should watch this video before you make that big purchase.

Sustainable Kidnapping

Sustainability has made headway into many facets of our society. From recycling, to agriculture, and manufacturing, people are starting to realize that we may run out of stuff someday, so we should probably try do do something about it while we can. Now Above Average has taken this ideal and run with it, in an attempt to provide sustainability to a unique form of crime work.

Coors Light Train Crash

People all over the world, join hands, and come together in remembrance to all those unfortunate souls who lost their lives in the Kansas crash of the Coors Light Party Train. The Onion reports that when you have a 40,000,000lbs. train constantly running off the rails, it is only going to be a matter of time before Rocky Mountain Cold disaster hits. 

That's all kids, time for some football! See you next week. 

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine

Friday, January 17, 2014

Woman Scammed For $500,000 On Christian Mingle

There are a few rules to the Internet. The first, that you should probably not give lots of money to people you never met. Even if they have an extensive art collection that they need you to help move money for by giving them the account number of your savings. Even if they are a Nigerian prince who desperately needs your help accessing their funds, by using your checking account as a money pipeline.

The second rule is that you should probably not use Last year, one unfortunate woman broke both of these rules, and it cost her, big. To the tune of $500,000 of her own money.

Free to browse, but trust me, it's still gonna cost you.

According to the San Francisco Chronicle the woman was duped by a pro. Posing as a British citizen who was employed on a Scottish oil rig, the swindler very persistently pursued his prey. The 66-year-old retired victim received multiple calls at her San Jose, California home. The scammer also sent her flowers and texts to the victim. Eventually the kicker came, he (?) needed a loan, for a business that didn't turn out to exist. Despite having it's own website, which proved to also be spurious.

The woman, whose name has not been released, agreed to the loan. She gave her scammer money from her substantial retirement account, which included a lump sum of $200,000 wired to a Turkish bank account last year.

However, shortly after the payment she became worried that she had in fact been scammed. She alerted prosecutors in Santa Clara county, who in turn alerted her bank.

So far the police have only arrested one man, who is ironically named Wisdom Onokpite. Onokpite was an acquaintance of the fraudster, and the person who attempted to withdraw the money from the account.

The actual identity of the person who scammed the woman is still unknown, however his email and Skype accounts were traced to Nigeria. Perhaps he is a prince of some sort.

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine

Man Arrested For Waving Sign Warning Drivers of Speed Trap

Apparently these days it can be illegal to hold a sign. That's what a Texas man found out when he was charged with a misdemeanor for standing in the median of a six lane highway, holding a sign that read, "Police Ahead." Despite his claim that he was only doing essentially the job of a speed limit sign, albeit unofficially.

Technically aren't there always police ahead somewhere?

Thirty three year-old Ron Martin was arrested in October in Frisco, Texas, and charged with "waving a homemade sign." This in a city where waving homemade signs is not a legal luxury. Martin was in fact busted by Officer Mronzinski, the very officer assigned to the speed trap that Martin was warning people about. He discovered Martin after he noticed that his speed trap had begun to not bear fruit, fruit in the form of tickets.

The officer first had his suspicions that Martin was in the area as he sat in his unmarked police car on Eldorado Parkway in Frisco, Texas. 
"I observed a couple of cars drive by traveling westbound waving at us," Mronzinski wrote in his arrest report. "Mr. Martin has a history with the Frisco Police Department Officers in holding signs in the center median of traffic stating 'police ahead.'" 
A colleague had also radioed earlier that morning to warn Mronzinski that he had seen Martin in the area.

Martin claims his sign holding is doing no other job than that of an official speed limit sign, just that it is held up by a man, who made it:

"I just don't wear a uniform. I'm the same thing as a speed limit sign, just reminding people that there is a limit here."

Keep it up Ron, there's always police ahead somewhere.

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Burglar Thwarted By Pulling On "Push" Door

It's 2014 everybody, it is about time everyone realized which side of the line they sit that decides if you either have what it takes to be a criminal or don't. To be a career criminal that is successful, you are going to need a certain set of skills. Intelligence, the ability to meticulously plan out your jobs, a savvy understanding of how the police work, and above all you need to be able to operate a push/pull door.

A thief in Chicago had to find out the hard way that he was not built to be a criminal, when he failed to possess the skills necessary to work a door.

The life of crime, just not for everybody these days.

The would-be burglar was halfway into breaking into a bar, when he was sidelined not by his plan falling apart, or an unsuspected variable, unless you count his own stupidity as a surprise variable. In that case, he was derailed in spectacular fashion by his inability to discern which side of a door he was on, despite it clearly being labeled "Push." He spent several minutes pulling on the door to no avail, eventually giving up and fleeing the scene.

All this and after he most likely has lived his entire life using doors that work this way, in fact it is how most doors in the world work. You push them to operate them one way, then when going the other way later, you pull them.

Who knows though, we don't have all the facts. Maybe he grew up in a home without doors, or *gasp* in a revolving door nightmare house!

Joe Lin, the owner of the bar with the simplest security system:

"It's much funnier on the video, but the still shots show him pulling on the door. He could have pushed it. The gall of him breaking in in broad daylight. It's light out, people are jogging by. I want to let other businesses know."

Police are investigating other break-ins in the area. No word yet if those places actually had doors though.

Check out the video below, but be warned. Stupidity is ahead:

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine