Tuesday, December 31, 2013

I Don't Know If I Can Stop Watching The Best Vines of 2013

Vines, the perfectly distilled 6-seconds of the Internet. No fluff, no setup, just funny. 2013 was a banner year for the micro-videos, where people literally became famous for doing almost no work at all when compared to YouTubers.

Vines have soldiered on throughout this year, even holding firm in the wake of Instagram's videos which gave users a massive 15-seconds to film themselves. Turns out those extra 9 seconds didn't make any joke more funny, actually quite the opposite effect in most cases.

We have seen the emergence of BatDad, BaneDad, comedy troops, special effects, pets being cute/stupid, kids being cute/stupid, social commentary, stereotypes, and above all, dumb shit. All available to you quicker than it takes you to take a whizz.

I started off the year not knowing quite what a Vine was, and here I am 12 months later still not too sure. However, one thing is for sure, I did laugh quite a bit.

Here is your 2013 supercut of Vines, 23 minutes broken into 6 second jokes.  It is the best:




Maybe in 2014, as people's attention spans continue to diminish, we will just have V's which are one second long. I said it here first.

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine


Watch This Woman Become "The Price Is Right's" Biggest Winner Of All Time

IT'S A NEW CAAAAAARRRR! The Price Is Right by now has become something of an American institution. Almost everybody has watched it while home alone sick from work or school, and it is a safe bet to guess that out of all these viewers a majority wants to get one chance to spin that big wheel. Or bet a dollar on a washing machine and watch everyone instantly hate them.

That's why earlier yesterday, it was pretty big news for fans of the show as Sheree Heil from Tacoma, Washington became the show's biggest winner of all time when she took home a $157,000 Audi R8. The best part was how calmly she handled it, I mean you couldn't even tell she was excited.

Cool as a cucumber this one.

Since he took over the show from TV god Bob Barker, host Drew Carey has been known for having some expensive as hell cars on the show. Previously, he even featured the supercar status Ferrari 458 Spyder, however this time was the first time anyone has actually won the luxury auto after they pulled off the sheet.

Now she just needs to pay the $14,000 or so in taxes and ridiculous insurance, and she will be cruising around Tacoma in style. Good wheel skills Sheree, good wheel skills indeed.

Check out her winning moments:





I'd buy that for a dollar.

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine

Monday, December 30, 2013

Here Is How Not To Commit A Crime

Over this weekend there have been not one, but two separate robberies that will go down as pretty much textbook cases of how not to do crimes. Reminding everyone that if you are gonna commit to a life of crime, then you should probably make sure to have some brains first. Or a plan.

This past Saturday in Los Angeles, four men broke into a home at 2:40 a.m. in the city's Lincoln Heights neighborhood. Their first mistake, picking a house that had a working surveillance system. Before the burglars could steal anything, the police and SWAT had already arrived.

One immediately tried to run, and was then immediately apprehended. This was a mistake. The next two who were trapped in the home made another mistake. They forced the resident of the home to pretend that they too were victims of the robbery, not the perpetrators. The resident was forced, by the robbers, to tie them up.

With one in custody, two tied up in the house, and another hiding in the back yard, the resident of the house did what anyone who indeed had a brain would do. They walked out the front door and told the police that two men were sitting in the house tied up and pretending to be victims of the robbery. The police simply waited for the two men to get tired of waiting and come out. They did, and then they were arrested.

The fourth man was found in the backyard, still hiding, by a police dog.

Now that crime would be hard to beat, but maybe this one will do it for you. It is a matter of how you like your stupid apparently.

First, look at a picture of this Bay Area man:

Oh, you poor dumb man.

In August, this man attacked a woman and mugged her, taking her phone. This weekend Oakland police released the selfie he took with the phone. I wonder what kind of hashtags accompanied it.

Millenials, they sure are the worst.

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine


Linkin Park's First Album Has Been Remade With "Gangnam Style" And This Is As Good As It Sounds

Linkin Park is all over the worst. Unless you are me from 2003, you probably already know this. This doesn't mean that it is illegal for you to like them, you can like whatever band you want.  However, you pretty much have to recognize that a band that held onto the rap metal ideal way into our 21st century, well, they are pretty much Van Halen with Sammy Hagar, plus a DJ.

Go ahead 2003 me, you'll figure things out eventually.

However, everything that Linkin Park ever did doesn't have to suck, because some enterprising soul has used the magic of the Internet to make them a little bit tolerable. A playlist unlike any other has hit YouTube seemingly out of nowhere.

That playlist is not Hybrid Theory (the title of the Park's first album) but Psybrid Theory. Yes, as in Psy, yes that Psy. It is a re-imagining of the debut with the vocals from the all time Internet juggernaut that is "Gangnam Style." The result is exactly what you would expect.

There isn't any more to say other than check it out below:




All over, a massive improvement.

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine


Sunday, December 29, 2013

Funday: The Funday Year Ends, The Funday Year Begins

It is the last Funday of the year! I hope your stomachs are protruding from that Christmas dinner, and your deep seeded need for material things has been satisfied, because it is time to ring in the New Year! That can only mean one thing, aside from party hats for everyone, that Funday is going head first right into 2014 y'all. Strap those party hats on everybody, I mean everybody.

God damn right.

It has been a good year for Funday, lots of great music, lots of great stupid Internet videos, but the future couldn't be more bright. You folks out there are going to continue to need stuff to do, especially when you have no more football to watch, and Funday will boldly launch into the future for your weekly needs.

Your future self will say, "Self, all these robots and meals in a pill are cool and all, but I wouldn't have made it here without those Funday articles." It's okay future you, no need to come back in time and thank me, I already know. Besides, you might accidentally run me over in your time machine and then cause a paradox. Nobody likes paradoxes, so stay in the future.

Let's go!

Sounds

El-P and Killer Mike

Just in case you forgot, or somehow haven't heard Run the Jewels, here is your reminder/lesson that Killer Mike and El-P are having the most fun in rap music out of anybody out. You wish that you could have this much fun doing anything, let alone rapping. Admit it, it's okay if you do.





Disclosure

That African witch doctor thing that is going on here, kinda racist guys, kinda not cool. I know you probably like the look and idea of an African witch doctor straight out of a comic book or something like that, and I do too, they look cool and can do cool stuff like curse you. However, that doesn't change the fact that you should probably keep it to yourself, some people might not understand. Whatever, the song's pretty jammin'.





Kendrick Lamar

I am not really into this kind of painting, or the painting in general. Although, you did paint Kendrick's face, and his face is the best face. So that's pretty cool.





Ariel Pink & Sky Ferreira

I guess Indie music has their own version of Run The Jewels, who would have guessed that? Two team ups this week, and they couldn't be more different. Hmmmm...strange. That being said, these two should totally make an album. The video itself also makes me think about The Jesus and Mary Chain, I don't know if that's what they were going for, but they should yes if someone asks them if they were going for that.





Yuck

Almost six full minutes of Yuck, I didn't expect to type that this morning, and actually be happy about it. This band has a terrible/genius name, and the audacity to soldier on like nothing happened. Even when they lost their lead singer right as they approached big stardom. You may not like the music, but you gotta like something like that.





Sights

Best Fails of 2013

I wanted to do the last Funday of the year without doing any lame year retrospective kind of stuff. I really did. I mean, we all know what happened this year, no need to remind us about what the best movies were, we saw them all already! I really wanted to not do any of that stuff, that is until I saw this 30 minute long video of people throughout the year doing stuff they shouldn't. Then paying the price for it. Call me a dick, but man, these things are funny. Now I didn't laugh at everything, that would make me a monster. Just almost everything.






Best News Bloopers of 2013

I don't know what is happening, it's like the floodgates are open. Once you do one best of video, you just cannot help yourself. I am sorry. In my defense, you tell me a news anchor announcing the birthday of Hugh Jaynuss (sound it out) isn't funny every damn time. You cannot do it.






Home Alone Christmas Card

Okay there, I recovered. No more best of videos, just videos like this one, whatever this is. I'll tell you what it is. Paul Little took the movie Home Alone, the second best Christmas movie behind Die Hard, and replaced everyone's face in the film with his own face. He succeeded in making the best Christmas card ever.






Ice Climbing Fall

At first glance I thought maybe this belonged on the Fails video above, then shit got real. This is not a fail submission type of video, because while they are funny this is terrifying. Now thanks to the magic of everyone who does something dangerous wearing a camera of some sort on them, you can watch this guy fall the hell down a mountain. Don't worry, he only hurt his ankles.






Time

Lots of things happen in a year. So while you are reminiscing about all the time you "wasted" watching Internet videos this year on New Years, why don't you preface that with something interesting. A video all about that tricky concept of time.






That's it everybody! Funday is now a year old! Isn't it darling! I can't wait to see it in 2014, maybe it will take it's first steps!  See you there!



What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine




Friday, December 27, 2013

Man Slaps Airplane

This past Wednesday, at the airport in Phoenix, a man hopped over a fence and ran towards a landing Southwest Airlines flight and slapped the shit out of it. Right on the engine housings, which could be called the symbolic "cheek" of the airplane. It is unclear if the man was demanding satisfaction, because if he was, then a man vs. airplane duel should definitely be set up.

All those extra fees these days, and the leg room, it's about time a duel was demanded.

Can't carry-on my bag?!? Carry on THAT! KAPLOW!

The man, was a 49 year old man, who is homeless and named Robert Bump. Airport officials spotted Bump on the runway, and contacted the pilot to shut off the engines less Bump be sucked into one, which would have allowed the airplane to give it's own rebuttal of sorts.

Bump was taken into custody, and has as of yet been unwilling to give his reason for the slapping. He did not possess any folded white gloves so a duel seems out of the question. Although, Arizona is one of the only states that has no laws making dueling illegal, because of course. So if the cause for the slap was to demand said satisfaction, this thing could happen.

There are other reasons that could be in play here. Perhaps the plane mocked the man, and he couldn't take it anymore. Maybe the man was involved in a secret late night love tryst with the plane, and it wounded him deeply.

I hope the plane and the man can eventually sit down together and work things out.


What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine

FedEx and UPS Are A Little Behind, You Might Just Get Your Presents Late

When you are a company that calls itself a "logistics" organization, you should probably get things to places on time. However, an uptick in the amount of online shopping this year has had quite the effect on the hard working people of FedEx and UPS, who are scrambling to deliver presents that should have found their destination on Tuesday.

Speaking as someone who has worked at not one, but two of these kinds of companies I can say with confidence, Christmas time is bananas. Maybe if you wanted your niece to get those presents, perhaps you should have mailed them together aunt Nancy!

"Just keep going, don't look at the packages, for the love of God don't look at the pile!"


Neither company is willing to say just how many packages were delayed, but UPS did not that the company was going to deliver 132 million packages in the week leading up to the holiday. Through the holiday the company exceeded even that number, though it is unclear by how much.

UPS noted that only a small percentage of packages would have to be delayed, but even 1 percent of 132 million, that is still over a million packages. So if you didn't get your new socks yet, that is probably why.

Both companies blame the last minute online shoppers who rushed the websites and signed up to have their items shipped in close proximity to Christmas. Once again, the procrastinators might ruin things for everyone.

Analysts note other factors that have contributed to the delays including inclement weather, and a shorter than usual shopping season this year. However both FedEx and UPS are still hard at work slinging your Legos and your sweaters. Both companies have called in extra drivers and even hired U-Haul trucks to get the job done. Trying their best to at least make Boxing Day full of gifts, especially if Christmas wasn't for you and yours.

So if you see either one of these companies out working hard, maybe give them a pat on the back. That is, if you can catch them.

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine


Thursday, December 26, 2013

There Were Some Great Games In 2013, Here Are My Top Ten Choices

On this blog, my mission is to write about popular culture that surrounds us all. Basically this is a way to give myself an excuse to write about anything I want that I can argue would fall under that umbrella. From touching on sports stories that I find amusing, to dumb crime stories featuring equally stupid criminals, even on science and technology. Some would say that might split my audience, but I am not and have never been worried about this. This blog is my experiment, and is fun for me to do.

Which brings me to why I am making a top 10 list for video games, I like them.  Video games are my favorite hobby, and what I believe to be the best hobby.  One could even (quite successfully) believe that as we continue on in our technological society, video games become more and more pop culturally, and just plain culturally relevant. Monetarily alone this year the release of Grand Theft Auto 5 saw the title make $1 billion (with a B) in sales...in three days. Can you name any other thing that sold that much in the same time, hint, no you cannot because nothing else comes close.

If you were to put on your gaming tinged glasses and looked at this year, you would see a quite interesting one in the scope of gaming. We saw the stalwart and reliable old bulls of the Xbox 360 and PS3 slowly ushered into the realm known as "last generation" where consoles go to die (even though this time they are sticking around) in a year dominated by the discussion, and finally release of the new generation. Both the Xbox One and PS4 were recently released, and promise to continue the wave of innovation and steady improvement we have seen over the past 6 years with our 360's and PS3's.

Despite the slow end of this generation, this year saw some of the most incredible and affecting releases the consoles have ever seen. With the release of the new generation, things are looking bright for the future. 2013 for me in gaming also made me realize some things about my tastes in gaming. Chiefly, boy am I tired of shooters. Many of you might not believe me, but there once was a time when Call of Duty was only a medium sized selling shooter about WW2. Things were better then.

That's not to say I didn't ride the wave of modern military shooters, quite the opposite in fact. For the past 6 years I have dutifully lined up and paid my money for the next iteration of COD, but this year I finally couldn't take it anymore. At this point, if I never played another brown and gray colored Middle East centric shoot everything that moves military game, it would be too soon.

I have hope though, as this is a trend, albeit a mega one. Being a gamer for as long as I have been, my whole life in fact, I have seen many trends. 3D platformers, Cel-Shading, Survival Horror, to name a few, they have all come and all faded away. I have faith that just like the others, the video game industry will ride this one straight into the ground like they did the others, laughing and burning cash all the way down. That may sound cynical, but it is not, that scenario will be my shining moment.

Below you will find my top 10 games of this past year, and let me be perfectly clear about them. These games are the best out of what I played, not out of the scope of everything. Are there some games I missed? Sure. Do I think lots of these games I missed look amazing? Definitely. Hell, even though I may hate shooters now, that didn't even stop them from making it on the list.

Now, without further adieu, let's get to that list.

10) Monaco: What's Yours Is Mine

One of the best parts about video games is that they actually allow you to control experiences that you find incredibly engaging. Have you watched Rambo and wanted to be him? Pick up a controller. One fantasy I have always had is to live out a heist movie. Heist movies are the best, and amazingly there has never really been a video game to capitalize on this popular genre. Until now that is. Monaco, which is of course set in the place most suitable for pillaging...erm...Monaco, entrusts the player to take hold of a team of professionals, all with their own unique specialty. Whether you are playing as the technologically savvy "Hacker," the hitman "Gentleman," or even the master of seduction "Red Head," you lead your team through a series of heists (that much like any heist film) are dripping with zany situations and tons of style. No other game looks like this one with it's blueprint aesthetic level design, plays like it, or has it's sense of fun.





9) F1 2013

This year along with playing games, I found a new love to spend my free time. I have always loved cars, and throughout the years have enjoyed the show Top Gear immensely (the original of course). Episode by episode I had noted the hosts of the show note their infatuation with F1, the king of European motorsport, and had over time become interested in watching a race or two. However, it was until this very year that I had a station that would even play the races. Once I found out I had the opportunity, I finally began my first F1 season as a spectator. It was all over from there. Whether it was learning the intricacies of each track, or staying up till 5 a.m. on a Sunday to catch the latest GP in South Korea, I was completely and utterly hooked. So naturally, when time came for Codemasters to release their newest iteration of their from what I had heard solid F1 game, I had to check it out. I was not disappointed and dove head first into the challenge. I have always loved racing games, but this was another beast, and I loved that. From the beginning I didn't even know what tyres (british thing) to put on my car, now I can accurately and at length explain the concepts of DRS and KERS systems and when to employ them for best results. Don't worry, I won't trap you at a party and tell you about them, but deep down inside I feel so proud.





8) Anarchy Reigns

One of the things over the years of my love affair with gaming has been in the past how damn weird things could get. I lovingly recall my old collections of games from the Playstation and Super Nintendo era, when gaming wasn't the behemoth of commercialism it is now. It was okay for games to come out that were unlike anything you had ever seen, even if they wouldn't necessarily sell all that well. There, much like movies, was a profitable and deep "B" type of games. Games where you played as a marble, games where you were a dolphin, or two rapping space aliens. With the incredible proliferation of gaming as a business in the subsequent years this has been lost, to the detriment of the industry. It was inevitable though, when game development ballooned to hundreds of millions in their budgets, those things need to sell. All too often we have seen companies make one game and then shutter, closing their doors because they didn't meet sales expectations. That climate is wrong, and which is why it amazes me that a game like Anarchy Reigns can exist now. This game was a Japanese budget title that features absolutely insane characters (a dominatrix with a spiked bat, a robot that is a bull) running around a post apocalyptic environment beating the shit out of each other. It had online hand to hand combat, which I have never seen before. I mean in one level you fight a giant squid on top of a battleship, by punching it in the face! It's so weird, it's so Japanese, and I love it so much.





7) State of Decay

Sometimes, with my obsession over games, I follow one so completely before it is released that I often end up overhyping it and when I finally do get my enthusiastic hands on it I am underwhelmed. If there ever was a game that this scenario should have happened, it was with State of Decay. I had followed it since it's very very early announcement, regularly checking on the website to see if the developers had updated with even the slightest bit of information. I knew the risk I took, I just couldn't help it, the game just promised so much. Mainly, in a world of over-saturation when it comes to zombies, this game finally it looked, would deliver the zombie game I had been waiting for. One not based on conflict, but survival. You would find various survivors throughout the open world, bring them all together under one roof, and try to keep it together. You would scavenge for supplies, reinforce your home together, and desperately try to hold on. If you died while playing one of these people, they were gone, no respawns, no checkpoints, you just lost them. All of this encompassed in a downloadable game, no less. After nearly 50 hours of playtime, I can honestly say they accomplished everything I wanted and more.





6) Papers Please  

Papers Please is a game that is literally supposed to be tedious, it was designed that way. You play a border agent in the fictional Eastern Block type country of Arstotzka, and you decide who gets in and who doesn't. You have good reason to do your job well, to earn a meager living for your family and hopefully be able to stretch your dollars to keep the heat on, or buy the medicine your kids need. What at first seems to be a morality scenario of providing for your family by doing a menial job checking credentials and stamping passports quickly turns into much more. What if you find a woman who you cannot let through because her visa is expired? What if she desperately needs to see her son? Do you tell her too bad and hold your head down, telling yourself you are doing your job to provide for your family? Or do you let her in, and risk your job (and the well being of your own family) to reunite her with her son? There is no way to "win" in Papers, Please, and when you finish the game you are left with nothing but your choices. I wouldn't have it any other way.





5) Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon

Last year, Far Cry 3 was probably my favorite game of the year, so naturally when I saw that somehow a giant company like Ubisoft was going to release a spin off that shared the gameplay but little else I was interested but skeptical. When said spinoff turned out to be the most amazing tongue in cheek tribute to the 1980's that turned it into something totally different than the original game, I was on board. As a child born in the 80's I grew up experiencing, and thereby loving, the recycled/re-run products of that era. I was a student of action movies, a disciple of Arnold and Sly. This game was made for me. Playing as Sergeant Rex Power Colt (as voiced by fucking Michael Biehn!) you are on a quest to save the world of future 2007 (by that I mean the 1980's version of 2007) using your cyborg body. It has lasers, it has neon, it has one-liners, it has the gun from RoboCop, and one of the best synthesizer by way of Terminator and RoboCop soundtracks I have heard all year. This game is my childhood, and I am deeply in love.





4) Grand Theft Auto 5

If you have played video games this year, chances are you couldn't go without at least hearing about this one. Hell, even if you didn't play video games, you probably saw a story about it on your local news program of choice. In three days it became the biggest entertainment product of all time, not just of video games but of everything that has ever been considered entertainment. Part of this is the power of the brand which Rockstar Games has been building, and I have been following since the mid 90's. However, I would posit that most of this comes from the fact that the people at Rockstar are able to create some of the most detailed and nuanced worlds that gaming has ever seen, and GTA 5 is their masterpiece in terms of design. GTA 5 is a living breathing world in every sense, from the flip flops that actually flop, to the computer AI who pull out their phones to take a snap of your hot-rod when you roll by. No other game can match this kind of detail, no other game even comes close.





3) Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance

Metal Gear Solid is my favorite game series of all time. Now, that being said, Metal Gear Solid is perhaps the most bat-shit/ridiculous/stupid game series of all time. Nanomachines, clones, giant robot tanks, digital rights and freedoms, daddy issues, the series encompasses this and much much more. So when I learned that their would be a spinoff (do we see a trend here?) featuring what is probably the most ridiculous character in the most ridiculous series, developed by a company in Platinum Games that is known for getting ridiculous, I had to check it out. Within the first half hour of the game you are picking up and throwing a 100ft tall walking robot tank into the air with your bare hands, and things only get more amazing from there on.





2) Tomb Raider

Oh Lara Croft, how long I tried to stand by your side. Through all of the clunky controls and frustrating difficulty levels, but somewhere along the way you lost me, I gave up hope. The people who controlled your destiny fumbled it, and to my chagrin, it seemed they would never recover. Then, in 2013, they threw up their hands and decided that what you needed was a makeover, a fresh start. They brought you back to your roots, when you became the badass you are, and we all got to experience it together. Oh Lara, it is so good to have you back.





1) Bioshock Infinite
What can I say about this game that hasn't already been said? It is the most discussed game of the year, and for good reason, but I will try to explain how it made me feel anyways. Let me start by saying that the original Bioshock to me was one of the best games ever made, so when Ken Levine and company decided to re-imagine the series by literally taking the antithesis of the first game's underwater city and taking it into the skies, my expectations were lofty. Then they were completely exceeded from the moment I stepped into Columbia as Booker DeWitt. From the literal breathtaking beauty of the introduction, to the absolutely mind blowing finale, I was reminded time and again that Mr. Levine knows how to make a video game. Once I had reached the end I felt that they needed to allot an extra hour of time to allow you just to think over what just transpired. I honestly cannot remember the last time a game made me think so much about the events of the story. I needed spreadsheets, I looked up flowcharts, and still couldn't get enough. This game is a shooter in the year that I decided I hate shooters, and yet it is still at the very top of my list. Don't miss out on it.





Well, that is my year in games folks. Next year will be totally different, different consoles, different games, but for now, what a season, what a season.

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine

German Police Searching For Naked Motorcycle Rider

Dammit Kanye and Kim, it seems no one is safe from you!

Put down the motorcycle, and burn that seat.

German authorities are searching for a naked motorcyclist who rode through Munster wearing nothing but a helmet and gloves to keep him warm.

The stunt apparently originated on Facebook, where the man promised to carry out the stunt if 1,000 people liked his page. Posting under the name "Ballerboyz," because of course, the man received his compensation and then allegedly followed through.




Now police say that they are, "attempting to identify the rider for potential charges."

Adding to the charges, the police are rather insulting to the rider as they describe the event as a "petty offense." (It' was probably pretty cold in his defense.) Also, the fact that Europeans find nudity alarming, very strange.

At least one onlooker had a rather early Christmas present. Birgit Weusthoff-Schulze told the Westfache Nachrichten:

"It was not unappetizing to watch." 


What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Ohio Man Offers Four Course Meal To 50 Local Homeless People

Once again, aside from producing both the most presidents and astronauts, Ohio continues it's reign as the best state in our union. This time the incredible Ohioan comes from the Akron area, where as he was a wealthy developer, he decided to spread said wealth and offered a four-course meal for 50 of the local homeless people.

Suck it tri-state area!

Joel Testa, a developer and co-owner of an Akron four-star restaurant, asked his family to raise money for the homeless in lieu of giving him gifts for his 42nd birthday.

Testa talking to the Akron Beacon Journal:


“Generally, people are afraid of the homeless. The homeless are not lepers. Homelessness can happen to anyone.”

Testa in turn used the birthday donations to offset the cost of the dinner, which included braised beef short ribs, spinach quiche salad, potato leek soup, and a chocolate mousse dessert. Diners were offered seconds if they wanted, and even got to wrap up some leftovers to take with them.

In addition, Testa's daughter and her scout troop knitted scarves for each dinner guest.

There are about 800 homeless people in Akron, who outnumber the shelter space by a two to one margin. This problem is something Testa is trying to address, as he is currently developing a 60-unit apartment building exclusively to be used for veterans, homeless, and disabled people.

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

A Black Santa Wrestled A White Santa To End The Debate Once And For All

After the idiotic Megyn Kelly sparked the "Christmas Race War" when she claimed that Santa could only be a white man, the world knew that things had come to a head. That the whole situation needed to be settled once and for all, whether or not our planet could handle a "black" Santa (hint:yes it can because this is the stupidest thing ever). The question would be settled in the best venue for ridiculous things, by the best organization to handle these kind of stupid debates. In the wrestling wring of the WWE.

I might need to start watching wrestling again.


Last night's WWE Raw pitted a black "Good Santa" (Mark Henry) against a white "Bad Santa" (Damien Sandow) in the ultimate fight for the very soul of Christmas. A "Christmas Crucible" if you will.

After Bad Santa threatened to cancel the holiday season and make the children of the world work for their presents, Good Santa stepped in to restore order with a heaping helping of a smackdown, and the most Christmas of ring props, the holiday fire extinguisher.

Check it out:




God Bless us everyone.

Bonus Clip: For a special Christmas surprise, here is Jon Stewart making Megyn Kelly look like an idiot. It wasn't too hard.





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Every Country Music Song This Year Was Exactly The Same

When Grady Smith, a country music critic, sat down this year to compile a top 10 list of the Best Country Music Albums of 2013 he had a startling revelation: Every chart topping song in the country genre from 2013, sounded exactly the same.

Oops.

I am so glad I am dead!

Keep in mind, this is not in the sense that they are all *gulp* country-pop songs, that is an understood fact. No, they are in most cases literally carbon copies of each other lyrically.

It's like they went down a list of ridiculous, terrible cliches and checked them off one by one:


  1. Truck-check
  2. Dirt road-check
  3. Painted on jeans-check


In the (futile) hopes that country music fans "will stop settling for this derivative junk," Smith made a video to illustrate his point. He tweeted, "I'm holding up a mirror to a genre that I care a lot about. Here's to better music in 2014."

Check it out, it is what you would call "cringeworthy" :






I only have one question: What is with all the chain wallets?

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Monday, December 23, 2013

New Jersey Realtors Caught Having Sex In Client's Home

So that's what realtors are doing in your house when you aren't there. Gives new meaning to the term open house. News this week that Coldwell Banker is in hot water after a New Jersey couple has brought suit against them alleging that two of the real estate firm's agents sabotaged sales of their vacant home so that they could have sex in it.

I have no idea why you aren't getting any offers!

Richard and Sandra Weiner hired two agents to sell their home, Robert Lindsay and Jeannemarie Phelan, to sell their Wayne, New Jersey home back in 2010.

Lindsay advised the couple to list the home for $650,000, however instead of trying to sell the house by showing it to buyers. Lindsay and Phelan showed themselves, on camera no less, at least ten times in a two-year period.

They were quite literally caught with their pants down when Sandra Weiner saw two people with flashlights on the house security cameras.

According to the suit:

The police opened the door to the house and found Lindsay pulling up his pants... Lindsay lied to police by telling them that he was there to prepare the house for an open house. … Instead, Lindsay and Phelan were at the house to have sex." 
"Lindsay used his position at Coldwell to obtain for himself and Phelan a place to have sex," and he "listed the house above market value to avoid Realtor traffic in the home while he and Phelan carried on their trysts,” according to the suit.

Coldwell fired the two agents, according to a company statement.

"Immediately after learning of the allegation of improper behavior at the property by two independent contractors in January 2012, we ceased our affiliation with the agents... These agents have not listed or sold properties on our behalf since the allegation of misconduct at the home was first reported."

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine

Real Life Grinch Steals Presents Off of Neighbors' Porches

There's no need to watch the Dr. Seuss classic film this year, because you can find a real-Grinch right out in the world. To be clear, I am not talking about the Jim Carrey version.

Let's all forget that movie exists.

The "real-life Grinch" is actually just a soulless woman who was caught on camera stealing packages from the front porches of her neighbors' homes in Bothell, Washington. Home owner Dandy Weyn, used his security system to capture the thief in action, quickly learned that he wasn't the only one being hit.

Other neighbor Sandy Madan talking to KIRO 7 Eyewitness News:

"I assumed it was a mix up in the delivery until I started hearing that it was happening to other people."

Bah humbug!


Weyn is now planning the second phase of his trap:

"I'm actually planning on leaving a box out, the box is there but I haven't done it yet, and just put a tracking device in so you can capture where they're going."

Many have suggested he fill the box with coal.

Check out the video of the act below:




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Swedish Christmas Is Way Cooler Than Everyone Else's Christmas

Will the goat burn? If you haven't asked yourself that question at least once, you have not truly lived.

That question is what vandals in Sweden have been asking themselves each Christmas for the past 27 years. While you are busy decorating your tree and putting lights on the side of your house, they are busy building a giant goat meant to symbolize the Christmas spirit, and then burning that mother down to the ground.

Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal!
If you think about it, it makes perfect sense that the land that currently produces some of the darkest of Death Metal would burn a goat in effigy to celebrate. The goat, made of straw, is over 40 feet tall and weighs 3 tons, but that doesn't stop people from continuing to burn it down. I mean, in the vandals defense, you make something that big out of straw, people are gonna want to burn it.

The goat is the Scandinavian symbol of Christmas, and it predates Santa Claus. Since 1966, when it was first built, it has been burned down more often than not.

From a piece in Slate describing the event:

At this time of year, the residents of Gävle, Sweden have one big question on their minds: Will the goat burn?

Yes. It sure will. Here is a video of it doing just that last year. Check it out:




So hey Americans, maybe we should spice up our holiday celebrations. Maybe instead of decorating that tree, just light it on fire and throw it out the window. If you drink enough egg-nog I am certain it will seem like a great idea.

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Funday: You Better Recognize, That These Are Some Good Videos

Oh come all ye faithful, it is about that time for Christmas. Or whatever you want. The important thing is we celebrate the season of giving. Let's kick things off with me, giving you, some cool things I found on the Internet this week.

So get out your best plastic baby Jesus and get all up in that holiday spirit. You can do that can't you? What do you say tiny puppy?

Kind of off topic but it's totally cool.
Let's get right down to it.

Sounds

Chief Keef

I have continued over this long year, to be a steadfast Chief Keef fan. Even after the first two blistering mixtapes ultimately led way to his strange experimentation of sound. Even after his next two mixtapes were a mixture of mumbles and autotune. Even after his incredibly fickle fans proclaimed his career over with, and especially when it seems all Hip Hop media tried their best to drag him through the dirt. Perhaps it was this, my penchant for seeing the underdog triumph, that kept me loyal to the young rapper. Kept me ready to explain that Drill music wasn't about lyrics, it was about blistering storytelling. This week I can say, with all arrogance, I was right to stick with him. A new song was released off his upcoming Bang 3 tape, and boy is it a return to force. Do you hear that? It's all of the fickle fans returning!




Beyonce

Well, the biggest release in recent memory warrants a two week appearance of Queen B on this dumb little feature. I mean, I feel like I have to mention again what a crazy accomplishment it is for arguably the world's biggest star to release an album and have everyone (everyone) surprised. Not to mention to also shoot 17 music videos for the thing and still have no one else the wiser. This time we see Beyonce traipsing through Coney Island (see, she really is just like us!) while singing us a song about love that crescendos and climaxes so perfectly you might just get goosebumps of emotion washing over you. Also, that Biggie hat she is wearing, totally worth the price of admission alone.






Clams Casino

Beyonce wasn't the only person to drop some surprise stuff all over our ears this month, as one of the most hyped and shouted out producers of late also decided to drop his own project. Even if it was just a mixtape. There is a real reason why this guy, who almost singlehandedly helped ASAP Rocky become a bonified star, has himself seen a meteoric rise in fame the past couple of years. I mean, who else can put out a group of instrumentals and make you want to hear it? He can do things like the piece below almost effortlessly, and has become the new master of finding a groove and letting that shit ride out. To the utmost effective degree. At right around 90 seconds, you will desperately wish it was longer. If that isn't a indicator of a good song, I don't know what is.






Metronomy

Sure, this video probably has underlying symbolism about the emptiness of space, and the cold inside a void, but I'll be damned if it doesn't play like a tribute to awesome pulp-science fiction novels. I mean nearly every scene could be a cover of a book entitle something like A Fantastic Voyage Into The Stars, written in probably 1935. That's good enough for me.






Hot Sugar f/Antwon, Lakutis, and Big Baby Gandhi

Would you like to make a compelling and timeless rap video? You can totally do it. First, get a good to great song. Next, get the rappers who perform that song. Then take them to a place with hella escalators, don't worry, in America of 2013 these things are everywhere. Finally, film them performing the song at that location. There, with just a few ingredients, you have done it perfectly.






Sights

Transcendence

Recently I was talking to someone about how much I wanted Johnny Depp to stop playing ridiculous caricatures and go back to real acting roles. He is such a good actor, but I had forgotten that after seeing him be a pirate, native american soothsayer, or Hunter Thompson for so long. Literally a day later I saw this trailer on the Internet, and boy was I excited.





100 Greatest Action One-Liners

Dodge this and die screaming mother fucker, because I am coming to get you. You have just been erased, and if it bleeds we can kill it. When you are pushed, killing is as easy as breathing because it's only after we lost everything that we are free to do anything...some motherfuckers are always trying to ice skate uphill.





Proximity Flying

It seems we cannot go a week here on Funday without featuring some ambitious human beings strapping a GoPro to their heads and doing something amazing/frightening. This week we have proximity flying, the art of flying a wingsuit as low to the ground as possible. These people take it to a new low, as in you will slink down low in your chair and cover your eyes while watching this insane video.





POV Skiing Madness

Didn't I just mention something about people strapping cameras to their heads? There were two videos this week I just couldn't go without featuring and here is the second one. Two crazy professional skiers, with aptly crazy names: Candide Thovex and Aziz Benkrich, have decided to go skiing in a place where you shouldn't be able to ski due to the amount of trees. They have also decided to take us along for the ride.





It's A Bad Brains Christmas, Charlie Brown

Finally, the gift you have always wanted. Merry Christmas!





See you next week folks, one more Funday this year.

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine

Friday, December 20, 2013

Billboard Honoring Nelson Mandela Instead Has A Picture Of Morgan Freeman

Oh boy.

Morgan Freeman is a world renown actor of the silver screen, a veteran of cinema who has throughout his career played many influential and memorable roles. Like the time in 2009 when he got the chance to play one of the world's most beloved political and social leaders, Nelson Mandela, in Clint Eastwood's fact based film Invictus. 

Now, with that being said it is safe to say that Morgan Freeman is indeed not actually the late Nelson Mandela. Much like Christian Bale isn't actually Batman even though he played that role in three movies. Perhaps this should have been made known to a certain Indian businessman, who spent his own money to make a billboard honoring the recent passing of Nelson Mandela, but used a picture of Morgan Freeman instead.

Well, this is gonna cost me. Much more than the price of the printing I think...

That certain Indian businessman has become the laughingstock of the country after he made the ridiculous mistake of honoring one person with a billboard featuring a completely different person's face.

The piece also features, albeit in Tamil, the following strange excerpt:

"We should be proud that we were part of an era when they lived."

They lived? Wait, so does it somehow honor both Mandela and Freeman?

No, no it does not. Or at least that's what the man who had it made says. It was meant to honor the great leader of South Africa alone, and somewhere along the way this happened. Probably a mix up over a cellphone conversation. I mean cellphones... right? You can never get good reception on those things! No? Okay...I admit this was a big mistake.

In talking to the AFP the businessman promised:

"We will replace it with the correct picture of Mandela."

He adds that he wasn't aware the mixup had occurred, and blamed the mistake on the designer of the billboard. Of course.

Hey, maybe it isn't all his mistake...I mean even in America other people who happen to be old get mistaken for Morgan Freeman...





Hey there's Morgan Freema...oh it's actually one of the greatest basketball players of all time? Um...shit.

Come on, he even has a Celtics hat on!

Seriously though Indian businessman, it's totally your fault. Maybe give the thing a look next time before you blow it up to the size of a bus.

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine

Jennifer Lawrence Tells Embarrassing Story To Conan, Continues To Be Wonderful

Jennifer Lawrence is in the news again as she wholeheartedly continues her campaign to be your number one wish for new best friend, America's sweetheart, and an all-over delightful human being. So delightful, even, that she can go on Conan and retell a story about "adult toys" that will not only make you smile, but will make you love her more. Even more than you already do, if you can believe that.

She's like a real life pixie, she even has the haircut.

During her appearance on Wednesday night's episode of Conan O'Brien's late night show, JLaw decided to regale her audience with what at first seems like a Penthouse-caliber story of her collection of butt plugs (a gag gift if you must ask) and their surprise discovery by a rather unfortunate housekeeper.

While the story seemingly starts off too hot for TV, it essentially boils down to an embarrassing yet incredibly funny and charming tale told by the actress.

This tale comes segued from a previous discussion of Ms. Lawrence's wishes to herself be a maid if she wasn't currently an A-list Academy Award winner. She mentions that she loves doing all the cleaning that takes place in a bedroom setting, and also loves to snoop through stuff. You just want to pinch her cheeks.

Check out the video below, and be prepared to smile:



Here is a bonus Vine of her spilling mints at a recent press conference, it's the best:



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Thursday, December 19, 2013

Dog Makes Other Pets Look Useless As He Saves Man From Train

There are a bunch of train news stories this week, and by a bunch I mean two. However this train story is pretty unique, instead of a man saving himself from a train this time a man was saved by a dog. Yesterday a seeing-eye dog named Orlando made all other pets look completely useless when he leapt onto subway tracks to save his fallen master.

Not gonna save a damn thing.

Cecil Williams fainted on the uptown train A platform and fell off, landing right on the tracks. Next came Orlando right after him, leaping down on the tracks and repeatedly licking Williams's face until he eventually regained consciousness.

Remember, this dog doesn't even get paid.

The train, which decided to arrive as happens with these situations, then proceeded to run them the hell over. However the two were fine, well as fine as you can be when a train is on top of you. Orlando stayed by Williams, laying down between the tracks with him until they were both rescued from the rescue.

Williams told the New York Post that he will:

 "give Orlando a special treat, as well as affection and scratches behind his ear."
You're damned right he will!

Sorry other subway heroes, but the dog just wins. I mean he doesn't even have thumbs, major handicap.

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Tourist Walks Off Pier While Checking Facebook On Her Phone

Humans, for the sake of our species in the future, we need to go back a few years in evolution. Put the phone down people! In the scope of the Animal Kingdom, you are making us look bad.

For example, this past Monday night Australian police had to save a tourist who accidentally walked off a pier, because she was checking her Facebook. I had to retype this story a second time, because after writing the previous sentence I bashed my head so hard into my computer that it exploded.

Oooh! Five people liked my profile pictu-SPLASH!

The woman casually strolled off of Melbourne's St. Kilda's Pier into Port Phillip Bat at 11:30 p.m. on Monday. Witnesses quickly called the authorities, who promptly arrived and found the woman floating on her back. She was floating on her back because, now you are gonna want to hold onto your head so it doesn't explode here, she couldn't swim.

Now, I am not one of those people who is so cynical that they casually comment that some people deserve to die for being so stupid. I very much think there is value in human life, but that being said, maybe she should have just been left to fend for herself in this one.

Senior Constable Dean Kelly talking to the Australian Broadcasting Corporation:

"She was still out in the water laying on her back in a floating position because she told us later that she couldn't swim. Initially she apologized. She said, 'I was checking my Facebook page on the phone and I've fallen in.'"

The woman was taken to a nearby hospital, where she was checked out and found to be fine. Her phone was also fine, she had held it above the water.

Okay, perhaps the police shouldn't have left her there, but they for sure should have shot the fucking phone. It would be doing society a real service.

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Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Between Two Ferns' Christmas Spectacular Is Just That, Spectacular

Samuel Jackson (introduced as Samuel Jack's Son) in sweatpants, Toby McGuire being told to "keep his fucking mouth shut." Arcade Fire playing "Little Drummer Boy" like weirdos, strange gifts, and an unending barrage of awful questions. You are right, it is the Between Two Ferns Christmas Spectacular, and it is probably the only Christmas special you need to make sure to watch this year.

Zach Galafianakis also has red socks on, so that's good as well.

Zach Galafianakis returns to do what he does best in his web series, insult and berate popular celebrities. This time under the guise of a "Happy Holidays Edition" of his show. This one stands alone in a sea of funny episodes, it might be better even than the time Zach whipped Justin Bieber with his belt. Might be, actually the jury is still out on that one.

Check out the video below, it will put you in the Christmas spirit, if by Christmas spirit you mean laughing until you cry.






Merry Holidays.

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News Anchor Goes Viral After He Swears On Live TV

Working on the weekends is not fun. Everybody has done it in their life, and everybody feels the same about it. It's that feeling you get as a child when your parents make you take a nap. You just know everybody you wanna see is out somewhere having a blast, and you can't join them. This feeling is especially egregious when you are an adult, because those people are probably drinking beer, and beer is delicious.

This feeling ran amok on KSN weekend news anchor Justin Kraemer, forced once again to report the news on a day where most people's focus is not on headlines, but on standing in lines to get their head...well drunk.

Stupid news, everybody else is having fun! Harumph!
At 10:24 p.m. though it was finally all over, the news was reported and Kraemer was free to go. Boy was he ready to get the fuck out of there, so in the closing credits of the broadcast he let his fellow anchors know. Except he was live, and his mic was still on.



He said what we all have thought, except the difference is that when you or I say it we aren't on live television. Kraemer speaking to the Wichita Eagle:


"I did something extraordinarily unprofessional. It’s something that’s drilled into you from the minute you start in this business to always consider the microphones hot."

The FCC (in a very uncharacteristic, for them, move) decided not to fine Kraemer for his on-air expletive, as the slip up took place in the 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. time slot where such language is "not actionable." However KSN, the station he worked for, had a different idea. They promptly decided to let him go for his mistake.

Needless to say the clip has since gone viral, and Kraemer has found himself in the unfortunate position of being relatively famous for a big mistake he made. He found it"fascinating" and "surreal" that the clip has gone gangbusters, but understands why as well:

"TV news has got a lot of issues right now, and one of the biggest issues with TV news is that a strong argument can be made that it’s insincere and fake. At least I’m real. If I have an epitaph, that’s what it is."

For real JK, you are indeed the realest newsman around.

Kraemer plans to leave town, and is pretty positive he will land on his feet. In fact, there isn't a need to feel sorry for his lost job even, because he already has another one.

Kraemer was apparently already hired by a Colorado NBC affiliate, and next week was to be his last for KSN anyway. Perhaps then maybe he should have just gone for it, done his best Bill O'Reilly impersonation.

Then he would have been really famous.

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine