Saturday, November 30, 2013

Turkey Survives Being Hit By Car, Will Probably Be Eaten Next Year

No wonder Ben Franklin wanted them to be the national animal. These turkeys are tough, and I am not talking about the ones on the dinner table.

In Maine an unsuspecting turkey was hit by Meg Lord while driving in her truck, but the bird refused to die. The turkey was picked up by Lord and taken to a vet, where it was treated for brain injury and a broken wing, but survived. They named her Alice.

Alice, AKA American Badass.
Lord speaking to Maine's WMTW:

"When I went over to her [Alice], I spoke to her really quietly and said, 'I'm going to put the blanket over you,' and I reached down and picked her up and she was huge. She just felt huge in my arms."

Alice has nearly recovered from her injuries and will soon be released back into the wild, where she will face head on her life of danger and excitement.

The vet who treated her:

"It is hunting season for turkeys, so she kind of gets a pass this year, I guess."

If everything goes well for ol' Alice, she will be back in the wild fully recovered, ready to take on all comers. I imagine that even if some unsuspecting hunter dares to point his shotgun her way she will promptly kick the shot right back at him and then go on with her day.

Don't mess with Alice you turkey.


What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine


Friday, November 29, 2013

Pizza Hut GM Fired For Giving Employees Off Thanksgiving Re-hired

Earlier this week I posted a story about a loyal employee of the Pizza Hut chain that took a stand, to try and get his employees the day off for the Thanksgiving holiday. Tony Rohr, for his troubles, despite 10 years with the company and being the GM of his store, was promptly fired for his efforts, although Pizza Hut claimed he quit.

This didn't sit well with people who heard about the firing, and it wasn't too long before Pizza Hut found itself deep inside of a public relations nightmare. One, which being a large corporation, they could not endure for too long, and decided to change the situation.

Good idea for companies: Don't make people hate you.
Pizza Hut Corporate office told CNN that it had:

"made a serious error in judgement, one which we hope to help remedy."

Getting rid of a guy who was only trying to let his employees spend a holiday with their families? Yeah, I would call that poor judgement.

Rohr had taken his stand after the higher ups had asked him to open the store for Thanksgiving, for the first time in the 10 years he had worked for the company. He was asked to resign from the company, but instead wrote a letter to his bosses explaining why it was immoral to ask employees to work on the holiday. Especially when the store was only going to be open in response to competitors who had decided to stay open.

Pizza Hut finally has agreed with Rohr.

"We fully respect an employee's right to not work on a holiday, which is why the vast majority of Pizza Huts in America are closed on Thanksgiving," Pizza Hut said. "As a result, we strongly recommended that the local franchisee reinstate the store manager and they have agreed. We look forward to them welcoming Tony back to the team."

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine


Rohr hasn't decided if he wants to go back to his old job yet.

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Watch This Guy Trick His Girlfriend With Proposals, Until The Real One Comes

Proposal videos right? In most cases with things like that on the Internet, the overabundance of them would officially signal that they are "totally over." However, sometimes there can still be one that comes along and makes that proclamation null and void for at least one more time.

The video below is a just one of those instances, a proposal video that is so good you can forget that you have seen a million other ones. Perhaps because the man who set it up had to do so to answer a tough question: How do you propose to someone who is expecting it?

Well, step one, you get some camera equipment. It is 2013 after all. Then you set up a series of near proposals, making your girlfriend think that the actual one could come from anywhere, at anytime.

According to the video discription, boy wants to propose to girl, but she finds out that he is going to do it. So he scraps his plans and takes her through a series of encounters where she expects the proposal to come, only it doesn't. Until it actually does, and when it does it is sweeter than any diamond commercial you will have ever seen.

Check it out:



Good job folks, well done.


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It Is Thanksgiving So Watch These Turkey Frying Disasters

It is Thanksgiving people, which means if you are an American you will probably have a piece of turkey in your mouth soon. People everywhere around the USA are stuffing their faces with stuffing while they thank each other for being around. Today I am also thankful, I am thankful today for the Internet.

A place where people who are stupid are immortalized forever in warnings to other potentially stupid people. Especially when it comes to the more ridiculous way of preparing that holiday turkey, deep frying it.

Nailed it.

Now I know what you are saying, "but fried turkey is delicious," and I agree it totally is. However I would ask this, is it delicious enough to trade your house for one? These people below thought so, or at least they thought it was worth doing without bothering with all those boring safety details.

I mean, what could happen right?

These things, these things could happen:

Homemade Turkey Fryer

A bucket of oil over an open flame, that seems about right. If you have to drop your turkey off of a five foot pole into the oil, you are definitely doing things correct.





Inside The Garage:

Where do you want flames? Did you answer right inside your house? You got it!





Barefoot:

Oh no I forgot to fry the turkey in time for everyone to get here! I better hurry, no time for shoes!





KABOOM

KABLAMMO!





I could literally go on all day posting these there are so many. Just put the turkey in an oven people, one of the things your family should not have to be thankful for is that your burns were only first degree. 

Happy Thanksgiving!


Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Pizza Hut General Manager Fired For Refusing To Make Employees Work On Thanksgiving

WIth all the stores and businesses that are open for the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday, one manager decided to take a stand for his employees, and was promptly fired.

Tony Rohr had been working for Pizza Hut for ten years, working his way up from cook to general manager, at the store in Elkhart, Indiana. However his job was terminated after he refused to follow an order from above to open his store on Thanksgiving.

Somebody give this guy a new job.

Rohr to a local CBS affiliate:

"I said why can't we be the company that stands up and says we care about our employees and they can have the day off."

According to Rohr, the store, which is owned by the massive Franchise Management Investors US, has traditionally been closed on Thanksgiving to allow employees to spend time with their families.

Rohr was given a choice of two options, either open the store or quit. He chose a third one, to write a letter of protest to his bosses:

"I am not quitting. I do not resign however I accept that the refusal to comply with this greedy, immoral request means the end of my tenure with this company. I hope you realize that it's the people at the bottom of the totem pole that make your life possible."

The local news station reports that the franchises' director of operations insists that Rohr quit, but does admit the store is being open to respond to other competitors also keeping open on the holiday.

Many angry customers have flooded the Pizza Hut Facebook page with complaints and requests for Rohr to get his job back. So far Pizza Hut is keeping quiet on the matter.

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

In Honor Of Thanksgiving, Check Out British People Try To Label The States

This week marks the annual celebration of Thanksgiving, the uniquely American holiday (although many Americans don't realize it) that many regard as among the best holidays of the year. You get to lay around, over eat incredibly unhealthy foods, and watch football; so yes, it is not only great, but is truly the pride of a nation.

Buzzfeed, a site that is usually borderline unbearable, has come up with a unique and actually funny way to celebrate this American tradition. They asked British people to try their best to label the United States in it's entirety. Some did pretty well, and the failures? The failures are spectacular. 


Let's see...California...got that...and...Texas I know that one...and...AW FUCK IT!

For instance, are you as an American aware that the whole of the midwest is also known as Middleshire? Or that there is an Even More South Dakota? In their defense I would bet that most Americans when quizzed on the British Isles would assume that Wales was the large aquatic mammals seen off the coast of England.

Duh...an animal can't be a country! What do you think I am? An idiot?

Check out the rest below for some fun, while you question yourself as to how many people who live in this country could actually get them all right.

Hey! I care about Nebraska!

That is correct, no one does know why they live in Kansas.

Bonus points for the lobster drawing.

Everybody here gets Alaska and Hawaii mixed up all the time. Don't even worry about it.

Does this guy know something about the midwest that we don't? 

Now how does that go? M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-SSSS...umm...better start over. 
I have been considering moving to Hmm, for a change of scenery.

In all honesty, those states might as well all be Utah. Am I right?

Don't even worry about it British mates, we will still give you a turkey leg.

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine

Steve Kardynal Hits Chatroulette Like A "Wrecking Ball" For Your Entertainment

I know it is hard to believe but people still use Chatroulette. Yes, the place known to many as the best live venue where you're sure to see a penis, is still actively used by people who I imagine don't always want to see a penis. Or something more strange than a penis.

Yep.

Let's be clear though, the fact that people are still using this site is a good thing. A very good thing. This is because there are still people out there like Steve Kardynal, who is using the site to be entertaining, and you don't even have to see his penis.

Kardynal, using the nature of the website to instantly connect two random people, has set up a surprise for his unsuspecting audience. The surprise? An impromptu performance of Miley Cyrus' recent hit "Wrecking Ball" complete with costume, wrecking ball prop, and Kardynal's impeccable lip syncing skills.

The results are incredible.

Check it out below but be warned, you might not want to watch it at work (again, don't worry, there's no penis) because you might laugh your ass off uncontrollably and embarrass yourself.




Can I say, think what you will of Miley, but that is a flawlessly engineered pop song.


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Monday, November 25, 2013

Right Now, You Could Be Getting Paid To Pee

Stand up from wherever you are reading this and go to your bosses office. Slap them in the face and tell them you quit, because you just found your dream job. That's right, you can now possibly have a job where you will get paid to take a whiz. Cash for using the commode, bucks for emptying your bladder.

Welcome to your new office.
A new app called ToiletFinder, which does exactly what it's name describes, is currently hiring. What they are hiring is any copywriter who has the necessary literary skills to accurately use and subsequently evaluate public restrooms, across what might be the Mecca of public peeing, New York City. After they do their business, they get down to business and review the bathroom, it's as simple as that. No more need to dream of living in a perfect society, it has clearly already been achieved.

ToiletFinder creator Michael Li, on his Craigslist posting for the position:

"I built ToiletFinder in order to address a universal, legitimate human need, and am seeking a partner in crime that can share in my vision (NYC for now, but rapidly expanding)."

Any aspiring toilet reviewers can post their thoughts on the app's website, and if Li likes what you did, he will pay you for it. One of all the urinator evaluators will eventually be chosen for a full time gig, which I imagine will involve drinking lots of coffee and walking around briskly.

Hmm...3/5 stars, but only because it reminds me of my favorite music venue.

So get out your thesaurus and start memorizing synonyms for "flow," "odor," "lighting," and "flush." You are gonna need them if you want to land your dream job.

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine


Sunday, November 24, 2013

Funday: It's Time To Get Dirrrty Y'all

UGH! You already know what time it is my peoples! We are about to get grimy, get scummy, get downright dirrrty. I am talking early 2000's Christina Aguilera dirty, because it is that day once again brothers and sisters, Funday.

If anyone, Christina knows a thing or two about getting filthy.
It's time to let loose, throw that hair back, sit dat ass down on a comfortable piece of furniture and watch some videos. You've had a long week, and it's over now, until tomorrow that is. You might as well enjoy it.

It's what Xtina would want.

Let's go.

Sounds

Kanye West

Dutty wining round all these Jamaicans! Music often is about juxtaposition, especially when it comes to audio versus visual. Below is a great example of this as Yeezy takes what most people consider the best song (because it sounds most like old Kanye) off of Yeezus and make the absolute worst video imaginable to accompany it. Does it start out good? Yes. Then you realize that Kim Kardashian is the star of this video, and things never get better from there. 






Kings of Leon

If any band would make a GNR style "November Rain" type of video, it would have to be Kings of Leon. This one's got it all: nearly seven minute run time, a ridiculous narrative, love story, and prison rodeos! In fact the only thing wrong with it is that it is actually less cheesy than Axl and company's 90's opus, which I would definitely count as a negative. Also, are there actually prison rodeos? If so, that sounds like something I need to attend.




Rustie

We may not have had much quantity from Rustie this year, other than the earlier release "Slasherr" and his production on Danny Brown's Old, but when we do get something it definitely has had some quality to it. Such is the case with his newest song "Boatsss." It has been a while since he blessed our eardrums, and since there has been a break the effect of it simply makes this jam hit your eardrums all the harder.






Migos f/Trinidad James & Riff Raff

So called "Hip Hop heads" may hate on Migos, but "Hip Hop heads" who dismiss music based on a ridiculous set of values and standards are the worst, so who cares what they think? Despite all their hate I would bet money that they have muttered under their breath "Versace, versace, versace" at some point. Rap music does not need to always be lyrical, or serious. It is okay for it to be fun, which is exactly what Migos bring to the table. Good thing they recruited the most fun person on the Internet (Jody Highroller himself AKA Riff) to help them trade ridiculous basketball references over a slick beat.






Gardens & Villa

There are almost too many great elements to this song than can be described in this short paragraph, but I will try my best. There is a cooler than ice chillwave vibe, ghostly disco falsettos, a chorus complete with 80's synths that would make Duran Duran proud, and last but not least, that flute loop. The flute loop will get you everytime. Just listen to it already.






Sights

Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul Read Finale

Now that it is all over, through the magic of the Internet you can watch two of the best actors from one of the best television shows ever read the final moments of perhaps the best finale in history. Aaron Paul pretty much gets everybody's reaction who saw it perfectly. 






Always Close Your Browser

The Internet is wonderful, purely for the freedom it provides. You, yes even you, news anchor Jens Riewa, are free to look at all the bikini clad women you want, even when you are at work live on television. Just remember, there are rules, like close your browser before the commercial break is over. Could've been worse, if it was me, could've been a whole lot worse.






Mad Men Without Smoking

In honor of the Great American Smokeout, which actually isn't a marijuana connoisseur's favorite holiday but in fact the day where everyone tries not to smoke cigarettes, has just happened. In honor of this Ellen decided to replace all the smokes on a certain TV show, Mad Men to be specific, with something else. What that thing is I will leave to surprise you, but I will say this: I am not saying I would give up the original show the way it is, but I would like to watch this version as well.






Burnout Burn-off

There are sometimes burnouts, and then there are burn-offs. This is the latter, and it is good.






Dramatic Reenactment of YouTube Comments

On October 4th, 2013 two tweens had a discussion on YouTube's comment section over the One Direction music video "What Makes You Beautiful." YouTube comedy group Dead Parrot has decided to hold a dramatic reenactment of those tween rage events for posterity's sake. The results are decidedly good, very good.




That's another Funday folks. See you next time.

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Dog Eats Homework, Requires Surgery

Payton Moody, a 13 year old 8th grader from Colorado had just finished putting the last touches on her science project, a volcano made out of candy and metal pins, when she got an interesting surprise.

To her dog Reggie it didn't look like Mt. Haleakala in Maui, but a delicious mountain of candy. So he ate it, the whole thing.

Now I want to pause for a minute. Not only did this girl's homework actually get eaten by her dog, but her science project was a volcano!?! Does she live in a 1950's comic strip?


Still not convinced that they both aren't characters from Dennis the Menace. 

She spoke to CBS about the incident:

"I woke up one morning and I came down to my desk and it was just all over the floor," she recalled. "I was very scared."

Things got a little more scary when her fears were confirmed. Reggie had knocked the project onto the floor and went to town on the thing, consuming "every last bite," which unfortunately included 50 pins.

They immediately rushed poor Reggie to the animal hospital, where vet Dr. Van Vechten managed to extract all but five of the pins through an endoscope. The remaining pins had to be removed through surgery.

The dog who ate a volcano, sounds like a Shel Silverstein book.
Reggie is recovering and is said to be doing fine, perhaps he will think twice about eating the next volcano he comes across. Even if it is quite literally, made of candy.

Payton redid her project, she got an A.

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine


Friday, November 22, 2013

Have An iPhone? You Should Probably Play Proust

Proust is a new "game" that has graced the iPhone store, and you should play it because it just might be the easiest fun you have had in a long while. Although I felt the need to include the quotes around game, because while I am not sure if it is an actual game, I am sure it is entertaining.

Clearly with this screen I have your interest.

So how do you play?

You rank lists of 5 things from best to worst (best being on top), you submit your own lists, and you then you chat about the lists with other people who ranked similar things. You can tell them their list sucks, or bond with someone over your similar tastes. That's it, it's that simple.

The game plays on everyone's increased idea that their opinion matters to the world in this post-social networking society we live in. That means young people, who are already self absorbed, will love it. You show people what you think of things, even if they are ridiculous, and then evaluate their ideas, basically what you already do every time you peruse your Facebook feed.

You even sign in via Facebook, making it essentially a discussion app amongst friends, although you can also be linked with strangers, so you can insult the fact that they think Jay Z is a better rapper than Nas (he is totally not by the way.)

After you sign on you'll see a group of lists available for ranking. Sometimes the lists are wacky:

Clearly Morrisey deserves the top slot.

Sometimes they are relatively similar in genre or theme:

This one looks about right.

When someone answers your list, a chat screen comes up to let you know how closely your list matches theirs. There are different animations based on how closely you two agree. There is one for when you match, one for when you share the first ranking, one for when you share the worst, one for when you share the best and worst, one for when someone's best is your worst (and the other way around),  and one for when you have nothing in common. It's a great way to start a conversation.

Then keep ranking until you cannot rank anymore, spoiler: You can always rank some more. More importantly get on out there and start telling people their opinion is terrible, after all it's the way of the Internet.

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine

You Won't Believe A Driver Survived This 200MPH Crash, But They Totally Did

If you watched the video below without knowing anything about it, odds are you would swear that the driver was killed instantly when the he rolled his Honda Insight over at 200MPH during a land speed record attempt in California. I would also not believe a Honda Insight could go 200MPH, but hey, I guess you can modify things pretty good these days.

Doesn't that design just scream "land speed record" though?

Amazingly though, despite crashing at speeds you could legitimately call "bone crushing," the driver not only survived but has since been released from the hospital.

November 10th Brian Gillespie was attempting a land speed record in his Hasport Hondata Insight at El Mirage Dry Lake, California. As you will see in the video 20 seconds into the run his car starts to slide and then disaster hits as the car rolls and tumbles out of control.

Road & Track reports that Gillespie was airlifted from the crash and moved to a nearby hospital, but he only suffered cuts, bruises, and a collapsed lung. The Southern California Timing Association, who was involved in the attempt, also says that as of a few days ago Gillespie was released from the hospital and is recovering well.

Shows just how well the safety equipment has increased in quality along with the ability to make a car so fast it damn well should kill your ass.

Check it out:




Glad you are okay Brian.

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Thursday, November 21, 2013

Harvard Students Pose As Yale Students And Start Giving Tours

Who says smart people cannot be funny? Aside from dumb people of course.

That (be funny) is just what some Harvard students decided to do to their most bitter rivals in the Ivy league. A rivalry so bitter that the best way I could understand and/or sum it up would be this picture:

Yep, this says everything I would want to.

Before the 130th Harvard-Yale football game taking place this Saturday, the guys from Harvard's Internet run comedy news show (that happens to be student run) called On Harvard Time decided a classic Harvard-Yale prank was in order.

So they headed to New Haven and geared up in some Yale attire and then proceeded to the Yale campus to give "official" tours by "real Yale students." As you could guess, misinformation was abound.

Check out the video below:



Your move Yale, your move.

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine

Watch Jean-Claude Van Damme Do The Splits Between Two Trucks, And Then Go Have A Better Day

Van Damme, you still got it! Although, in this humble author's opinion, you never really lost it.

Okay, before I describe the commercial below, (which let's be clear here is awesome and sure to improve your day) let's get something straight. All you young whippersnappers, with your iPad Airs and your Chuck Norris jokes, you have no idea what a great action star is. Sure you have seen Terminator, you have enjoyed Cobra, but brothers and sisters let me tell you, until you have seen the entire (or at least half) filmography of "The Muscles From Brussels," you don't know a thing about action movies.

Now I am not speaking to any man 25 years or older, you already know what I am talking about. I am talking to all you boys and girls out there, go ahead and throw your Algebra homework in the trash. I have some real homework for you because Van Damme the man commands your respect. Go watch Kickboxer, Hard Target, Timecop, Lionheart, hell, even Desert Heat. 

What will you see? More than likely you will see a mulleted, or non mulleted (depending on which decade the movie is made) pure, literal, ass-kicking warrior who vanquishes his foes with three movie cuts of the same roundhouse hitting them in the jaw.

 Forget Arnold, forget Sly, could Sly ever do this:

OH HELL NAW HE COULDN'T!
All I am saying is, if you know a guy who is over 25, he probably wants this as a poster on his wall in the absolute most non-ironic way. In fact, the only reason this guy doesn't have this up in his house right now is because someone he loves dearly gave him an ultimatum about it while it was already up. And like every JCVD fan, he took it down, because like Van Damme himself, all his fans are tough, but sensitive.

The point I am getting to here, is that you young people are missing out on some Grade A entertainment that you just don't get anymore. Van Damme has become some sort of ironic hero, probably due to his movie choices as the millenium wore on (barring JCVD of course, probably the best thing he has ever done) but he shouldn't be.

I mean he made Bloodsport for Christ's sake!

Okay I have snapped out of it, we can talk about the commercial now. It is Van Damme doing the splits to show off the stability driving system of Volvo trucks, and it is the best thing I have seen all week. Although I cannot figure out if the Enya soundtrack makes it way better or way worse, so gimme some time to stew on that. Regardless of the soundtrack, watching it is guaranteed to improve your mood.

Here it is:




Pretty great right? Much like Jean-Claude the man, it is simple but elegant, and it makes me want to do this:



Did I use this commercial's release to justify my strange rant about the sad passing of an era of action movies? Yes. Is the commercial still really cool though? Also yes.

Now go on out there and watch Bloosport. I mean what else are you going to do, watch Steven Seagal movies?

Also, fuck Chuck Norris.


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Wednesday, November 20, 2013

OutKast Is Reuniting, All My Dreams Have Also Come True

Who raids your block? The one and only OutKast!

I will never forget the night I first saw the greatest duo in Hip Hop history. The year was 2001, and OutKast had decided to come to my city, Cincinnati of all places, to support their fourth album Stankonia. I somehow in my 15 year old mind had the foreknowledge to find out about and purchase a ticket to attend the local arena and finally see the group I had now been obsessing over for a few years. Forgoing any company either friend or parental chaperone I managed to find my seat and prepare myself.

As soon as the opener, a relatively unknown but incredibly enthusiastic young rapper who hailed from Atlanta,  (and also went by the name Ludacris, who by the way was awesome) left the stage and the curtain rose I knew I was in for something magical as it revealed a giant purple smoke encased mountain with a cave whose sign proclaimed to us all that it was the entrance to Stankonia. And we were all about to get a taste. 

Not long after accompanied by their DJ and full 70's style shiny lycra clad band, Big Boi and Andre 3000 emerged and proceeded to put on not my first concert, not my last concert (by far) but the best concert I have ever seen. Hands down.

So naturally when I found out that the duo, who have been on a hiatus, (which I was sure was permanent) are reuniting, well...it made my motha fuckin' day. OutKast is not only my favorite rap group, but are probably my favorite musicians of all time, and now they are back.

Following rumors published by Billboard yesterday afternoon, and by Diddy's new television station Revolt TV late last night, frequent Oukast collaborator Sleepy Brown has confirmed that the duo will reunite next year to headline the  Coachella Music Festival. I am gonna pass out.

Just look at those guys! How can you not get excited?!
The first reports from Billboard claimed that sources close to Big Boi and Andre 3000 were in talks to end their now six year hiatus and come together for a tour that would include the spot at Coachella.

Revolt TV soon followed that up with a live report that pretty much confirmed the reunion, adding that the plans right now only include a "live component" of shows, and not a new album. Leaving the last two releases from the group to be the double album Speakerboxx/The Love Below (which won the Grammy for album of the year in '03) and the soundtrack to their musical film Idlewild from 2006.

This morning the reunion was again confirmed by Sleepy Brown who is affiliated with OutKast's extended musical group called The Dungeon Family, reiterated that the Coachella spot was for sure going to happen.

Coachella will again this year, as it has for the past two, be split up into two weekends in April. The first happening from the 11th through the 13th, and the second taking place between the 18th and 20th.

Next year also marks the 20th anniversary of the duo's debut album Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik, an album so great they had to give it a long as hell name.

Why am I so excited? Oh only because these two are responsible for stuff like this:




And this:




And this one:




The list could literally go on for hours, but I am gonna be too busy, I need to start planning a trip to California.


What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine


Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Bob Dylan Just Put Out The Best Music Video You'll See All Year

Stop reading this sentence and go to Bob Dylan's website right now, where you can see the best music video of the year. All you are going to think about, aside from how fun it is, is: Why didn't anyone think of this before? In an age of constant record keeping, where it seems like there are no more original ideas, this is totally refreshing.

What do these people have to do with Bob Dylan? Go watch the video.

Wait, are you still here? Go watch the video.

Seriously.

Are you really still here? Okay, I guess you are the kind of person who wants to read an article before you click on any links. Alright, you win, I'll do a little description I guess.

What makes the video so great? It is a collection of 16 separate videos featuring a wide variety of familiar television personalities and famous people lip-synching the lyrics to Bob Dylan's 1965 classic "Like a Rolling Stone," seemingly pretty simple sounding right? Well, here comes the clever part, viewers of said video can use their keyboards to flip between the various channels, allowing for a seamless transition.

You can start the song off with the guys from Pawn Stars, and end up with Marc Maron in his garage recording his podcast, or Drew Carey if you wish. The controls are all up to you.

The CEO of Interlude, the company behind the video, has also stated that more videos are planned to be added to the mix. Which will effectively make the whole thing even better.

Sure, some people might scoff at this, but hey there are always gonna be assholes right? Anyway, who gives a fuck about what assholes think right? You'll be too busy watching this awesome video.

Okay, now that I have explained the thing, please go watch it now.



What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine



Drunk Guy Wins Bet That He Should Have Never Made

Alcohol is a hell of a drug. Especially when you are enjoying it around the time you are in college. It makes you do things, things you probably wouldn't do. Things, you probably shouldn't do. At the very least it puts you in situations you wouldn't find yourself in while in a normal state of mind.

Call me crazy, but I bet this guy is intoxicated.
However, with all that being said, there is another reality when one is college aged that is a daily struggle. That would be a severe lack of funds to do anything, including stay alive by eating food. Food costs money, and college students often have no money. This leaves them in a peculiar state where they will do things, terrible things, to acquire some money to buy themselves Ramen noodles.

This mentality, when paired with alcohol, can lead to some situations that one might not like for the world to see. Alas, we live in a world currently where when you do something stupid, it's gonna be on film.

So this brings us to our subject of this article, drunk, and probably in need of cash, he makes a bet that he can smash his own head through a coffee table for $30. I won't say anymore but here it is:



I am not sure if I am impressed by his head's resilience or disappointed in the quality of IKEA furniture. Probably a little bit of both, mixed with shame.

Monday, November 18, 2013

Chuck Palahniuk Just Published A New Short Story, And Here It Is

Chuck Palahniuk is a unique man, or at least the things he writes about can be described that way. He also happens to be one of my favorite writers. I mean where else can you read a book where the man character starts out as a sex addict and eventually is pretty much convinced he is the son of Jesus. Yeah, that Jesus.

Or a story about a "pygmy" sleeper terrorist agent who is sent to middle america under the guise of being an exchange student, so that he may carry out his attack. Complete with narration in the character's own terribly broken english.

Oh yeah, and though it is kind of lame to talk about now, as it has effectively been pop cultured to death, he also wrote Fight Club. A book, which for a while, was major.

This month he has published a new short story in the November issue of Playboy, and though I never know where he is going, it is just the type of stuff I would want.


Below you can find it in it's entirety, and as far as I am concerned it only serves to reinforce the idea that although there may be naked ladies abound, lots of men really do read the magazine for the articles.

Check it out, and if you don't feel like reading, at the bottom is a video of Palahniuk reading the story to an audience. While he is dressed in pajamas of course:


It was Griffin Wilson who proposed the theory of de-evolution. He sat two rows behind me in Organic Chem, the very definition of an evil genius. He was the first to take the Great Leap Backward.

Everybody knows because Tricia Gedding was in the nurse's office with him. She was in the other cot, behind a paper curtain, faking her period to get out of a pop quiz in Perspectives on Eastern Civ. She said she heard the loud beep! but didn't think anything of it. When Tricia Gedding and the school nurse found him on his own cot, they thought Griffin Wilson was the resuscitation doll everybody uses to practice CPR. He was hardly breathing, barely moving a muscle. They thought it was a joke because his wallet was still clenched between his teeth and he still had the electrical wires pasted to either side of his forehead.

His hands were still holding a dictionary-size box, still paralyzed, pressing a big, red button. Everyone's seen this box so often that they hardly recognized it, but it had been hanging on the office wall: the defibrillator. That emergency heart shocker. He must have taken it down and read the instructions. He simply took the waxed paper off the gluey parts and pasted the electrodes on either side of his temporal lobes. It's basically a peel-and-stick lobotomy. It's so easy a 16-year-old can do it.

In Miss Chen's English class, we learned "To be or not to be," but there's a big gray area in between. Maybe in Shakespeare times people only had two options. Griffin Wilson, he knew the SATs were just the gateway to a big lifetime of bullshit. To getting married and going to college. To paying taxes and trying to raise a kid who's not a school shooter. And Griffin Wilson knew drugs are only a patch. After drugs, you're always going to need more drugs.

The problem with being talented and gifted is sometimes you get too smart. My uncle Henry says the importance of eating a good breakfast is because your brain is still growing. But nobody talks about how, sometimes, your brain can get just too big.

We're basically big animals, evolved to break open shells and eat raw oysters, but now we're expected to keep track of all 300 Kardashian sisters and 800 Baldwin brothers. Seriously, at the rate they reproduce the Kardashians and the Baldwins are going to wipe out all other species of humans. The rest of us, you and me, we're just evolutionary dead ends waiting to wink out.

You could ask Griffin Wilson anything. Ask him who signed the Treaty of Ghent. He'd be like that cartoon magician on TV who says, "Watch me pull a rabbit out of my head." Abracadabra, and he'd know the answer. In Organic Chem, he could talk string theory until he was anoxic, but what he really wanted to be was happy. Not just not sad, he wanted to be happy the way a dog is happy. Not constantly jerked this way and that by flaming instant messages and changes in the federal tax code. He didn't want to die either. He wanted to be—and not to be—but at the same time. That's what a pioneering genius he was.

The principal of student affairs made Tricia Gedding swear to not tell a living soul, but you know how that goes. The school district was afraid of copycats. Those defibrillators are everywhere these days.

Since that day in the nurse's office, Griffin Wilson has never seemed happier. He's always giggling too loud and wiping spit off his chin with his sleeve. The special ed teachers clap their hands and heap him with praise just for using the toilet. Talk about a double standard. The rest of us are fighting tooth and nail for whatever garbage career we can get, while Griffin Wilson is going to be thrilled with penny candy and reruns of Fraggle Rock for the rest of his life. How he was before, he was miserable unless he won every chess tournament. The way he is now, just yesterday, he took out his dick and jerked off on the school bus. And when Mrs. Ramirez pulled over and left the driver's seat to chase him down the aisle he shouted, "Watch me pull a rabbit out of my pants," and he squirted come on her uniform shirt. He was laughing the whole time.

Lobotomized or not, he still knows the value of a signature catchphrase. Instead of being just another grade grubber, now he's the life of the party.

The voltage even cleared up his acne.

It's hard to argue with results like that.

It wasn't a week after he'd turned zombie that Tricia Gedding went to the gym where she does Zumba and got the defibrillator off the wall in the girls' locker room. After her self-administered peel-and-stick procedure in a bathroom stall, she doesn't care where she gets her period. Her best friend, Brie Phillips, got to the defibrillator they keep next to the bathrooms at the Home Depot, and now she walks down the street, rain or shine, with no pants on. We're not talking about the scum of the school. We're talking about class president and head cheerleader. The best and the brightest. Everybody who played first string on all the sports teams. It took every defibrillator between here and Canada, but since then, when they play football nobody plays by the rules. And even when they get skunked, they're always grinning and slapping high fives.

They continue to be young and hot, but they no longer worry about the day when they won't be.

It's suicide, but it's not. The newspaper won't report the actual numbers. Newspapers flatter themselves. Anymore, Tricia Gedding's Facebook page has a larger readership than our daily paper. Mass media, my foot. They cover the front page with unemployment and war, and they don't think that has a negative effect? My uncle Henry reads me an article about a proposed change in state law. Officials want a 10-day waiting period on the sale of all heart defibrillators. They're talking about mandatory background checks and mental health screenings. But it's not the law, not yet.

My uncle Henry looks up from the newspaper article and eyes me across breakfast. He levels me this stern look and asks, "If all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you?"

My uncle's what I have instead of a mom and dad. He won't acknowledge it, but there's a good life over the edge of that cliff. There's a lifetime supply of handicapped parking permits. Uncle Henry doesn't understand that all my friends have already jumped.

They may be "differently abled," but my friends are still hooking up. More than ever, these days. They have smoking-hot bodies and the brains of infants. They have the best of both worlds. LeQuisha Jefferson stuck her tongue inside Hannah Finermann during Beginning Carpentry Arts, made her squeal and squirm right there, leaned up against the drill press. And Laura Lynn Marshall? She sucked off Frank Randall in the back of International Cuisine Lab with everybody watching. All their falafels got scorched, and nobody made a federal case out of it.

After pushing the red defibrillator button, yeah, a person suffers some consequences, but he doesn't know he's suffering. Once he undergoes a push-button lobotomy a kid can get away with murder.

During study hall, I asked Boris Declan if it hurt. He was sitting there in the lunchroom with the red burn marks still fresh on either side of his forehead. He had his pants down around his knees. I asked if the shock was painful, and he didn't answer, not right away. He just took his fingers out of his ass and sniffed them, thoughtfully. He was last year's junior prom king.

In a lot of ways he's more chill now than he ever was. With his ass hanging out in the middle of the cafeteria, he offers me a sniff and I tell him, "No, thank you."

He says he doesn't remember anything. Boris Declan grins this sloppy, dopey smile. He taps a dirty finger to the burn mark on one side of his face. He points this same butt-stained finger to make me look across the way. On the wall where he's pointing is this guidance counselor poster that shows white birds flapping their wings against a blue sky. Under that are the words actual happiness only happens by accident printed in dreamy writing. The school hung that poster to hide the shadow of where another defibrillator used to hang.

It's clear that wherever Boris Declan ends up in life it's going to be the right place. He's already living in brain trauma nirvana. The school district was right about copycats.

No offense to Jesus, but the meek won't inherit the earth. To judge from reality TV the loudmouths will get their hands on everything. And I say, let them. The Kardashians and the Baldwins are like some invasive species. Like kudzu or zebra mussels. Let them battle over the control of the crappy real world.

For a long time I listened to my uncle and didn't jump. Anymore, I don't know. The newspaper warns us about terrorist anthrax bombs and virulent new strains of meningitis, and the only comfort newspapers can offer is a coupon for 20 cents off on underarm deodorant.

To have no worries, no regrets—it's pretty appealing. So many of the cool kids at my school have elected to self-fry that, anymore, only the losers are left. The losers and the naturally occurring pinheads. The situation is so dire that I'm a shoo-in to be valedictorian. That's how come my uncle Henry is shipping me off. He thinks that by relocating me to Twin Falls he can postpone the inevitable.

So we're sitting at the airport, waiting by the gate for our flight to board, and I ask to go to the bathroom. In the men's room I pretend to wash my hands so I can look in the mirror. My uncle asked me, one time, why I looked in mirrors so much, and I told him it wasn't vanity so much as it was nostalgia. Every mirror shows me what little is left of my parents.

I'm practicing my mom's smile. People don't practice their smiles nearly enough, so when they most need to look happy they're not fooling anyone. I'm rehearsing my smile when—there it is: my ticket to a gloriously happy future working in fast food. That's opposed to a miserable life as a world-famous architect or heart surgeon.

Hovering over my shoulder and a smidgen behind me, it's reflected in the mirror. Like the bubble containing my thoughts in a comic-strip panel, there's a cardiac defibrillator. It's mounted on the wall in back of me, shut inside a metal case with a glass door you could open to set off alarm bells and a red strobe light. A sign above the box says AED and shows a lightning bolt striking a Valentine's heart. The metal case is like the hands-off showcase holding some crown jewels in a Hollywood heist movie.

Opening the case, automatically I set off the alarm and flashing red light. Quick, before any heroes come running, I dash into a handicapped stall with the defibrillator. Sitting on the toilet, I pry it open. The instructions are printed on the lid in English, Spanish, French and comic-book pictures. Making it foolproof, more or less. If I wait too long I won't have this option. Defibrillators will be under lock and key soon, and once defibrillators are illegal only paramedics will have them.

In my grasp, here's my permanent childhood. My very own bliss machine.

My hands are smarter than the rest of me. My fingers know to peel the electrodes and paste them to my temples. My ears know to listen for the loud beep that means the thing is fully charged.

My thumbs know what's best for me. They hover over the big red button. Like this is a video game. Like the button the president gets to press to trigger the launch of nuclear war. One push and the world as I know it comes to an end. A new reality begins.

To be or not to be. God's gift to animals is they don't get a choice.

Every time I open the newspaper I want to throw up. In another 10 seconds I won't know how to read. Better yet, I won't have to. I won't know about global climate change. I won't know about cancer or genocide or SARS or environmental degradation or religious conflict.

The public address system is paging my name. I won't even know my name.

Before I can blast off, I picture my uncle Henry at the gate, holding his boarding pass. He deserves better than this. He needs to know this is not his fault.

With the electrodes stuck to my forehead, I carry the defibrillator out of the bathroom and walk down the concourse toward the gate. The coiling electric wires trail down the sides of my face like thin, white pigtails. My hands carry the battery pack in front of me like a suicide bomber who's only going to blow up all my IQ points.

When they catch sight of me, businesspeople abandon their roller bags. People on family vacations, they flap their arms, wide, and herd their little kids in the other direction. Some guy thinks he's a hero. He shouts, "Everything is going to be all right." He tells me, "You have everything to live for."

We both know he's a liar.

My face is sweating so hard the electrodes might slip off. Here's my last chance to say everything that's on my mind, so with everyone watching I'll confess: I don't know what's a happy ending. And I don't know how to fix anything. Doors open in the concourse and Homeland Security soldiers storm out, and I feel like one of those Buddhist monks in Tibet or wherever who splash on gasoline before they check to make sure their cigarette lighter actually works. How embarrassing that would be, to be soaking in gasoline and have to bum a match off some stranger, especially since so few people smoke anymore. Me, in the middle of the airport concourse, I'm dripping with sweat instead of gasoline, but this is how out of control my thoughts are spinning.

From out of nowhere my uncle grabs my arm, and he says, "If you hurt yourself, Trevor, you hurt me."

He's gripping my arm, and I'm gripping the red button. I tell him this isn't so tragic. I say, "I'll keep loving you, Uncle Henry…I just won't know who you are."

Inside my head, my last thoughts are prayers. I'm praying that this battery is fully charged. There's got to be enough voltage to erase the fact that I've just said the word love in front of several hundred strangers. Even worse, I've said it to my own uncle. I'll never be able to live that down.

Most people, instead of saving me, they pull out their telephones and start shooting video. Everyone's jockeying for the best full-on angle. It reminds me of something. It reminds me of birthday parties and Christmas. A thousand memories crash over me for the last time, and that's something else I hadn't anticipated. I don't mind losing my education. I don't mind forgetting my name. But I will miss the little bit I can remember about my parents.

My mother's eyes and my father's nose and forehead, they're dead except for in my face. And the idea hurts, to know that I won't recognize them anymore. Once I punch out, I'll think my reflection is nothing except me.

My uncle Henry repeats, "If you hurt yourself, you hurt me too."

I say, "I'll still be your nephew, but I just won't know it."

For no reason, some lady steps up and grabs my uncle Henry's other arm. This new person, she says, "If you hurt yourself, you hurt me as well.…" Somebody else grabs that lady, and somebody grabs the last somebody, saying, "If you hurt yourself, you hurt me." Strangers reach out and grab hold of strangers in chains and branches, until we're all connected together. Like we're molecules crystallizing in solution in Organic Chem. Everyone's holding on to someone, and everyone's holding on to everyone, and their voices repeat the same sentence: "If you hurt yourself, you hurt me.… If you hurt yourself, you hurt me.…"

These words form a slow wave. Like a slow-motion echo, they move away from me, going up and down the concourse in both directions. Each person steps up to grab a person who's grabbing a person who's grabbing a person who's grabbing my uncle who's grabbing me. This really happens. It sounds trite, but only because words make everything true sound trite. Because words always screw up what you're trying to say.

Voices from other people in other places, total strangers, say by telephone, watching by video cams, their long-distance voices say, "If you hurt yourself, you hurt me.…" And some kid steps out from behind the cash register at Der Wienerschnitzel, all the way down at the food court, he grabs hold of somebody and shouts, "If you hurt yourself, you hurt me." And the kids making Taco Bell and the kids frothing milk at the Starbucks, they stop, and they all hold hands with someone connected to me across this vast crowd, and they say it too. And just when I think it's got to end and everyone's got to let go and fly away, because everything's stopped and people are holding hands, even going through the metal detectors they're holding hands, even then the talking news anchor on CNN, on the televisions mounted up high by the ceiling, the announcer puts a finger to his ear, like to hear better, and even he says, "Breaking news." He looks confused, obviously reading something off cue cards, and he says, "If you hurt yourself, you hurt me." And overlapping his voice are the voices of political pundits on Fox News and color commentators on ESPN, and they're all saying it.

The televisions show people outside in parking lots and in tow-away zones, all holding hands. Bonds forming. Everyone's uploading video of everyone, people standing miles away but still connected back to me.

And crackling with static, voices come over the walkie-talkies of the Homeland Security guards, saying, "If you hurt yourself, you hurt me—do you copy?"

By that point there's not a big enough defibrillator in the universe to scramble all our brains. And, yeah, eventually we'll all have to let go, but for another moment everyone's holding tight, trying to make this connection last forever. And if this impossible thing can happen, then who knows what else is possible? And a girl at Burger King shouts, "I'm scared too." And a boy at Cinnabon shouts, "I am scared all the time." And everyone else is nodding, Me too.

To top things off, a huge voice announces, "Attention!" From overhead it says, "May I have your attention, please?" It's a lady. It's the lady voice who pages people and tells them to pick up the white paging telephone. With everyone listening, the entire airport is reduced to silence.

"Whoever you are, you need to know…" says the lady voice of the white paging telephone. Everyone listens because everyone thinks she's talking only to them. From a thousand speakers she begins to sing. With that voice, she's singing the way a bird sings. Not like a parrot or an Edgar Allan Poe bird that speaks English. The sound is trills and scales the way a canary sings, notes too impossible for a mouth to conjugate into nouns and verbs. We can enjoy it without understanding it. And we can love it without knowing what it means. Connected by telephone and television, it's synchronizing everyone, worldwide. That voice so perfect, it's just singing down on us.

Best of all…her voice fills everywhere, leaving no room for being scared. Her song makes all our ears into one ear.

This isn't exactly the end. On every TV is me, sweating so hard an electrode slowly slides down one side of my face.

This certainly isn't the happy ending I had in mind, but compared to where this story began—with Griffin Wilson in the nurse's office putting his wallet between his teeth like a gun—well, maybe this is not such a bad place to start.







Oh Chuck, don't ever change.


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Scientists Found The World's Oldest Creature, And Then They Killed It

Well we did it humanity. When we get tired of demolishing ancient coral reefs, and cutting down thousand year old trees there's only one other direction to go, find the world's oldest living creature and take it the fuck out. All in the name of science.

Actually I am not being truthful, because the scientists who found and then literally put on ice the oldest living thing, didn't at all mean to kill the poor animal. At least they wouldn't have if they knew at the time how stinking old it was.

Anyway, here's how it went down. In 2006 scientists took a deep sea clam known as a quahog was taken alive from the bottom of the Atlantic ocean. The scientists put the quahog in a freezer and waited to do some tests on it, while it was in the freezer, like many animals would, it died. When the scientists got around to those tests, they found out the dead animal was over 400 years old, and they didn't even stop to ask it for wise advice beforehand.

Damn whipper-snappers! Always so quick to freeze everybody!
The scientists, being usual scientists who nickname their specimens, called the mollusk "Ming the Mollusk" after the Chinese ruler who ruled at the time of the quahog's birth. It turns out though that Ming wasn't an appropriate name, because "Ming the Mollusk" was actually 500 years old.

Dr Paul Butler, one of the murderers, (also a scientist at Bangor University) told The Telegraph:
"We got it wrong the first time and maybe we were a bit hasty publishing our findings back then. But we are absolutely certain that we've got the right age now."

Their new finding of the "correct" age of the quahog puts it's birth at less than a decade after Columbus made his famous voyage. Just think of all the things it must have seen, down there in it's pitch black darkness of an environment. That is, until it was murdered. For science.


What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine




Sunday, November 17, 2013

Funday: These Videos, I Dare You To Watch Them

Here we are again folks, waist deep in the best month of the year and things are changing. Why just this past Friday I became one year older, to the tune of 28. Some people my age begin to get worried about these changes, that they are losing their youth. To that I say, fuck that. 

I say let's charge into this aging, live in the damn moment, and keep those guns a blazin'! Keep making a fool of yourself, keep making bad decisions, keep acting a fool, I mean you already would anyway even if you are trying to act your age. So embrace it, have a Funday, be an old man or woman, but at least continue to be a cool old geezer, and I am not even old yet!

So go ahead be reckless, get that tattoo on your face, don't worry about what it will look like later. But just in case you are wondering:

How will it look? Badass, that's how.
That's enough about that, let's go.

Sounds

Blood Orange

A charming one take showcase from the man whose goofy screen charisma matches his incredible ability to make good music. I wonder if he wears turtlenecks all the time, or if that is just his on stage persona kind of thing. Either way, how can you not like this guy?






Against Me!

One of the first things I thought about when I heard that Against Me's Tom Gabel had chosen to tell the world about his transition into becoming the woman (Laura Jane Grace) he had always felt he should have been, was "Man, I hope the band doesn't break up over this." That is after I was able to wrap my mind around how incredibly brave and difficult that must have been for the punk rocker. However, my selfishness aside, they have decided to thankfully soldier on, and man am I thankful for that. The tone of the voice may have changed, but dammit if they still don't have it in a big way. Brilliant.






Phoenix

One thing you need to know about this video, Sofia Coppola directed it. I don't know how they got her to do it, but perhaps it had to do with her ability to make people look cool. Since Phoenix is already pretty cool, she probably realized that if they paired their talents they could make something really cool. Spoiler, they did a good job on that front. It also helps that the soundtrack, a slowed down 80's style synth jam, is pretty damn cool as well.






Jeezy f/Rocko & 2 Chainz

He might have dropped the "Young" from his name (a mistake in my opinion) because he is a grown ass man now, but that won't stop him from continuing to release absolutely ridiculous trap anthems. Ridiculous in the most amazing way. Jeezy makes a Three Amigos reference, Rocko's drugs smell like Funyuns, 2 Chainz just straight up tells you what he likes to order from a restaurant. It is so stupid, and so great. This song makes me want to trash my room while screaming ATL!!!! over and over again.






ASAP Rocky

I know I featured Rocky last week, but like I have said before, if people keep delivering gold every week you can bet your ass they will be on here every week. This time it isn't a Wu-Tang tribute, but instead is a video featuring Michael K. Williams, who if you don't know (which means we won't be friends) is the man who played Omar on The Wire. This makes him one of the best human beings. Also, the song, it's fantastic. So there's also that.






Lady Gaga and R. Kelly

How did Gaga and R. Kelly hook up for a collabo? I like to think Gaga was sitting on her egg shaped bed, surrounded by Russian gymnasts smoking Cuban cigars, and wondering aloud to herself, "I know I have a great album in Artpop, but something's missing...I need something more..." Just then on her gold plated, dinosaur bone encrusted iPod, "You Remind Me of Something" comes on shuffle and just like that, an instant classic is born. Was it fate? I am not sure, but it sure as fuck seems like it.






Sky Ferreira

This album by this wonderful woman is like a treasure trove of incredible pop music, each track another gem seemingly more bright than the previous one, even though you were positive the previous stone was the most brilliant one you had ever seen. To think Sky was forced to sit on a shelf in label purgatory for years, unable to release an album. To record companies I say this: Fuck You. You shelve music like this, no wonder you fucking have failed so magnificently the past decade. I am sure you had your reasons, but fuck your reasons!






Sights

David Blaine Doing Magic For Breaking Bad

Let's be honest here, being a magician is lame as hell, unless you are a Vegas cocktail waitress. David Blaine, the dude who does strange things, is back at it with his magic comeback special. Who better to go to than two of the most beloved, zeitgeist holding actors in Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul? Any other time this trick would have been a yawn for me, but those two are so damn delightful it makes the whole thing fun.






So You Wanna Be A Lego Designer?

Everyone in the world is different, it is part of what makes this planet we live on so incredible. That the person next to you in line at the supermarket most likely has a completely different experience and look at the world than the one you live in. However, if I had to bet on one thing, one common ground that everyone in our world shares, it would be that they would love to work for Lego. Here's how you do it. Spoiler: It's not easy.






Trapped in Ikea

No, this isn't the triumphant return of R. Kelly to R&B based operatic storytelling, although now I wish it was. This is Norwegian comedy duo Ylvis taking advantage of how baffling the layouts of the popular furniture store can be, and trapping people inside showrooms. 





Trophy Truck Barrel Roll

Oh you did a flip on a skateboard? Well Adrian "The Wildman" Cenni says the hell with that, because he decided to do a barrel roll in a trophy truck, for the first time ever. In case you don't know what a trophy truck is, it is a very big, very expensive, truck designed for racing. Not doing a 360 spin in the air.





We did it kids, another one down. See you next week.

What did you think dear reader?  Let your opinion be heard in the comments. Don't forget to subscribe, like and follow the blog if you like what you see. Or contact me on Twitter @LucasBlaine